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Home > Assignments > Concept sketch results > Reviews for Hugh Day-Williams

Hugh Day-Williams
organic finger food
[review]

StoryboardConcept Sketches
 Great Train Escape Lantern Floor Panel Lantern Support Beam Presentation
Average Rating
 
Client 1:
Reviewer 2:
Reviewer 3:
Reviewer 4:
1-marginal     2-ok    3-good     4-very good    5-outstanding

Storyboard Great Train Escape: innovativeness and potential

Client 1:

There are a lot of ideas going on at once. I would pick your best concept and make it the strong enough to stand alone as an experience.

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Reviewer 2:

I think the concept is there--the players have to conceal themselves before the sherif can find them, kind of like the spy experience we went through at 5wits! However, from your storyboard it is not immediately intuitive that you have to (a) conceal yourself and (b) shoot the lanterns to do so. This is good because you want a 25% success rate, however it seems a little too ambiguous to know that as a player you are the robber and you are trying to hide. Also, from there, knowing to shoot at the lanterns is a much bigger leap than just turning them off or blowing them out (if they are a candle). Also, what happens if you fail? You can't have an actual person be the sheriff, so what is your plan? One last thought--if they are firing a rifle a the lanterns to hide from the sheriff dont you think that a large gunshot will realistically draw the sheriff to the room? From a logic standpoint this is a huge discrepancy--so maybe try and think of another way they can put the lanterns out. Maybe throwing something at it.

Answer these questions and make it a little less ambiguous and you are on to something!

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Reviewer 3:

I think this storyboard has the potential to be a really fun game. The sheriff voice, combined with the good use of themed elements, has great potential to create an immersive experience for the players, in my opinion. The actions in the game are well tied to the theme, and it makes a good combination of physical and dexterity challenge.

My two concerns would be that the room volume might be too small to do this idea justice; I think that might have to be tested with some modelling. Additionally, I think its important to find some way to make the gun immobile so that it doesn't get removed from the room. Maybe elaborate on the other ways that the lamps can be turned off by hand (maybe have a simulated water bucket they have to tip?).

Overall, very good idea!

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Reviewer 4:

Initially I thought it was a little simple, but I like that there's an extra element of the moving light. It would be easy to increase the difficulty (if necessary) by adding additional moving lights, smaller lantern targets, or greater light diameters. Playing around with the amount of ambient light in the room could be interesting too, to make the light radius more or less obvious.

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Potential, feasibility, user experience and human factors shown in the concept sketch, Lantern

Client 1:

This is challenging. It will be challenging to contain the light to a specific zone of the room, that is also clear to the guests. On top of that you will want to mount a sensor that is to only detect the lit areas. This may be very hard to do.

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Reviewer 2:

The lantern seems feasible with the IR detectors--there is already technology like this that exists. However how are you going to make the light beams from the lantern be enough such that is clear to they players if they are in the light of the lantern or not? Also, maybe a thermo sensor would be more accurate than a proximity sensor since there are multiple bodies and things in the room that will be moved around. they used these in the aztec temple in the 5wits studio I believe.

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Reviewer 3:

Again, just as I liked the overall room concept, the lantern is definitely a cool way to provide an obvious embodiment of the idea of the "sight/hide" gag. The technology that you mention for the lamp's function is certainly feasible, and probably not too expensive to make really convincing and immersive. The lights going off, and maybe cool sound effects, would definitely provide some great feedback for the players.

One potential problem I see for the lamp is that the proximity sensor will likely be pretty hard to calibrate so that players have a good idea when they get close enough to trip it (since the light will fill the whole room in line-of-sight), so that could lead to some unnecessary frustration. Maybe some way to direct the light and create really distinct regions of light and dark would help this (not sure if that was something that you already had in mind).

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Reviewer 4:

I like that you thought about the different sensors for this. The design makes a lot of sense to me, and the housing of the lantern seems like it would allow for these sensors to fit well.

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Potential, feasibility, user experience and human factors shown in the concept sketch, Floor Panel

Client 1:

Is this a purchasable product or a custom build? If this can be purchased, does the look fit your them? If it is custom, there may be challenges in durability as well as wiring.

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Reviewer 2:

Ah I see, the floor panels show where the light is and where it isn't. This is an interesting thought, but it doesn't seem like this configuration will make it intuitive that the lit squares are the ones you are supposed to avoid. Normally, if you are on a grid of squares and one lights up you are supposed to step on the lit ones. Maybe you can have them all lit, but use different colors to denote safe zones and unsafe zones?

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Reviewer 3:

I'm not sure I understand the function of the floor plate. What additional functionality does it provide over the light of the lanterns itself? Having too many visual cues might just make the experience confusing. I also think that having LED floor panels will be harshly juxtaposed with the Wild West setting and take away from the immersion. Also, having these things covering the whole floor might be prohibitively expensive.

I would just work on making the lamp proximity sensor work well, it integrates into the theme better and will be cheaper.

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Reviewer 4:

Be careful with floor sensors and electronics. They have to be very robust and may not be as modular. If the light from the floor isn't that bright, I think this could help convey where the light is hitting from the lanterns, but not sure if that's the most necessary feature and would simplify the design.

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Potential, feasibility, user experience and human factors shown in the concept sketch, Lantern Support Beam

Client 1:

I would suggest not using a servo to control this. What happens if someone pulls on the lantern? The lantern does not need to be in an exact position, it just needs to move when shot.

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Reviewer 2:

This is cool, it adds good visual feedback when the lantern is shot. I like that a lot. I do think you should re-think the gunshot to turn a lantern off idea, but if you continue with that I really like the idea of having the lanterns move when they are shot.

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Reviewer 3:

I like the visual feedback that this will provide to the users. It's a great way to compensate for the fact that you can't actually shoot bullets in the game and to create the immersion that I think this concept is so good at. Definitely doable in the current iteration.

I think the user experience of the design could be improved to more immersively incorporate it into the theme though. Maybe draw some inspiration from trains in old Western movies to see the ornate structures that lanterns can be attached to in order to nail the look. The plain metal bar seems like it'll distract people from the really cool lantern idea.

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Reviewer 4:

I like that you mention communication between the lantern and the beam, it makes it feel like a cohesive system. This seems like a good potential option for creating the effects you want to convey. If some of the electronics don't fit in the lanterns, you could always put them in the beam, like speakers for instance.

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Sketching technique, clarity of storyboard and concept sketches, and their web presentation

Client 1:

Some of the text was difficult to read. Some of that was the legibility of the words and partially from the quality of the scan.

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Reviewer 2:

Storyboard:

-Your sketches are a little sloppy, when you are drawing something to be presented maybe use a straight edge when you are making straight lines. Also, some shading would help give the room more clarity--especially in frame 1 when you have all of the different elements in one.

-The text for the storyboard gets the general thought across, but it leaves a lot of ambiguity as mentioned in my storyboard feedback.

Concept Sketches:

-These sketches are well done, good shading and 2 point perspective. The description on the pages helps describe the technology you will use.

Website:

-The website is extremely wide for no apparent reason, I can scroll very far to the right and there is nothing over there--so watch out for little details like that.

-The website images are all very large, so I cannot see them without zooming out from 100% to about 80%. This is a little annoying, so watch out for that in the future.

-I like the toggle navigation.

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Reviewer 3:

The items in the concept sketch are really tiny and it is difficult to see what is going on. I couldn't understand what was going on the pictures and had to piece the story together entirely through the text. The storyboard can stay simple, but try to zoom in on the important bits so that it is easy to follow the story. The text is also hard to read. It is a good execution of the 1-point perspective style though.

The concept sketches are not properly 2-point perspective. For example, the angle at the bottom of the lamp is much too obtuse for the vanishing points which have been selected, and it make the way the sides come together look way too flat and physically impossible. Also, lines which should be converging to vanishing points are often parallel (e.g. left side of the floor panel, the top/bottom of the lantern windows, all the line of the beam). You also should be able to see through the glass of the lantern to see the bottom, I think. Try to review the geometry that we learned of 2-point perspective.

Shading could also be improved. For example, the top and side of the lantern is the same color, two of the sides of the servo are the same color, etc.

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Reviewer 4:

The writing could be a little more clear on the storyboard. You could type them next time. Otherwise everything else is pretty clear. I was a little confused initially about what the goal of the storyboard was, but it comes together as you continue reading.

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