Elmo Conversation Archive!

I have had many different reactions to Elmo's conversational style. Below you can read many different approaches. Some people tried to mimic a child, as a child is the inteded user. Other people got angry at Elmo, and others provided an interesting twist, such as foreign languages or creative spelling that Elmo just didn't know quite how to deal with. I have created a table of contents to describe each conversation a little bit. Check them out. You are sure to get a few chuckles.

Elmo vs Paula: She didn't like Elmo from the start

Elmo vs Nick: Elmo does not understand German!

Elmo vs Lara: No adult language, please! This is a G-rated program!

Elmo vs Jennifer: I guess Elmo didn't want to talk to Jennifer!

Elmo vs Tam: Elmo experienced some technical difficulties while talking to Tam

Elmo vs Ed: Elmo doesn't like Chinese food!

Elmo vs Sue: Sue must have been a weird kid!

Elmo vs Dan: Elmo doesn't care enough about Dan to sympathize with his stolen bike.

Elmo vs Wesley: Elmo does not know Katie!

Elmo vs. Nikki: Nikki got fed up pretty quickly, but was surprised to find out that Elmo likes Tool.

Elmo vs Andy (1): Andy was a scared little child... until...

Elmo vs Jeff: Jeff got pretty mad at Elmo, but then again Jeff needs to learn to move on and try new things!

Elmo vs Yamel: Elmo is too young to rob banks! Please do not corrupt Elmo!

Elmo vs Dennis: Dennis played along... for awhile!

Elmo vs. Andy (2): Andy decides to pursue Elmo a little more agressively.

Elmo vs Paula
 
Elmo: Elmo wantes to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child: I want to color a picture
 
Elmo: Look at the picture Elmo colored! Do you like it?
Child: No, it's ugly
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: Dumb Elmo. You're no artist
 
Elmo: Why? Elmo doesn't like it when you say no!
Child: No no no no no no
 
Elmo: Why did you say no?
Child: yes yes yes
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take pictures. Should we take pictures outside or inside today?
Child: I'm not photogenic. Get that camera away from me
 
Elmo: Oh. Well that is ok! Hey let's do something else, like play baseball or ride bikes! Which would you rather do?
Child: I want to hug your stuffed animal
 
Elmo: Yes! Elmo likes seeing animal in the forest!
Child: Uh...yeah...whatever.
 
Elmo: Hey, what month is your birthday in? Elmo's birthday is in February!
Child: Mine's in January.
 
Elmo: Elmo has an idea! Elmo want's to have a birthday party!
Child: Why? It's April.
 
Elmo: Elmo likes birthday parties, especially eating ice cream! What is your favorite thing at a birthday party?
Child: Caaaaaaake. :)
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: Think I trust you?
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: why not?
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: I bet you say that to all the girls
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: Sorry; the feeling's not mutual
 
Elmo: Thank you that is very nice of you! Let's go sing a song or play frisbee! Which do you want to do?
Child: HUH???? I'd rather go hug a tree
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: Didn't you want to go play frisbee?
 
Elmo: Elmo can throw the frisbee very far. Will you catch it?
Child: No. Besides, since you're so short, very far must not be such a great distance.
 
Elmo: Why not?
Child: No comprendes ingles, eh?
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: Good.
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: But I thought you were sad?
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: Great...boundless energy. Yeah, buddy. You try going to MIT and let's see how much energy you'd have then.
 
Elmo: Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
Child: Don't you have work to do?
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: Oh gosh. Not that again. Hey, buddy; I'm taken.
 
Elmo: What is your favorite color?
Child: Blue
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks Blue is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: blood, apples, fire trucks, bricks...
 
Elmo: A apples, fire trucks, bricks is red! You are very smart. Isn't red a great color? Hey, let's go do something else- maybe play in the sandbox or build a snowman!
Child: No. And don't you dare tell me that I'm making you sad.
 
Elmo: Why? Elmo doesn't like it when you say no!
Child: Figured as much.
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: Because I can figure out how you operate and you're a silly ol' thing.
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: Because you're just like the other interactive bots that the AI lab has on the web like Eliza and Maur and Alice ...
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: Is this supposed to be better than being your sweetheart?
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: NO!!!
 
Elmo: Why did you say no?
Child: (Did you notice that I'm still smiling in my picture?) I think it's fun to deny you.
 
Elmo: Thank you! I worked hard on my picture! Elmo thinks we should do something else now. Let's either go for a walk or play pretend! What do you want to do?
Child: Bye...
 
Elmo: This conversation was brought to you by the letters K and J and the number 19.
 
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Elmo vs Nick
 
Elmo: Elmo wantes to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child: play in the sandbox
 
Elmo: Elmo likes the sandbox! Elmo wants to build a castle in the sand! What are some things that are in a castle?
Child: a tower
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take pictures. Should we take pictures outside or inside today?
Child: outside
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take a picture of something outside. Look it's Elmo's friend Slimey. Elmo will take a picture of Slimey with Elmo's new friend. Say "ABC!"
Child: ABC!
 
Elmo: There, now Elmo has a picture to remember this fun day by! Let's go do something else, like rollerskate or skateboard.
Child: rollerskate
 
Elmo: Elmo has rollerskates, but some day Elmo hopes he gets roller blades.
Child: roller blades
 
Elmo: Where would you like to skate to?
Child: home
 

Elmo: That sounds fun! Elmo would like to go there!

Child: Then let's go!
 

Elmo: Elmo is tired after all that skating! Elmo wants to sit down. Look! Elmo found his friend Slimey! Slimey, meet Elmo's new friend! Say hello to Slimey!

Child: hello slimey
 
Elmo: Slimey, do you have any ideas for something Elmo and Elmo's new friend can do? Slimey says that we should play in the mud. We can do that if you want, but Elmo thinks playing in the mud is for worms only and that we should sing instead! What do you think?
Child: play in the mud
 

Elmo: Ok, Elmo will play in the mud with you. It is like a sandbox only messier! Elmo cannot build a castle in the mud though. Elmo will make a mud pie instead. Never eat mud pie, ok?

Child: OK.
 
Elmo: Now Elmo is all dirty. Elmo needs to take a bath. You should take a bath too. It is important to be clean. Now that Elmo is all clean, we can go do something else. Would you like to play pretend or go roller skate?
Child: pretend
 
Elmo: Look! Elmo is a Fire Fighter! Woo-ooo! Woo-ooo! Elmo is riding on the firetruck to put out the fire! What are you pretending to be?
Child: a superhero
 
Elmo: Wow! That is great! Elmo thinks you are very smart! Elmo thinks that Elmo and his smart new friend can count to ten. I will go first. One! What comes next?
Child: two
 
Elmo: That's right Three is next. Your turn!
Child: four
 
Elmo: After four is five! What is next?
Child: six
 
Elmo: Seven is next. What comes after seven?
Child: seven
 
Elmo: Uh oh! Elmo doen't think that is right! Let's start over. One! What comes next?
Child: two
 
Elmo: Three! Your turn!
Child: four
 
Elmo: Five! Elmo and his new friend are halfway there! What is next?
Child: six
 
Elmo: Five, six, SEVEN! What number is after seven?
Child: 8
 
Elmo: Nine comes next. What is after that?
Child: 10
 
Elmo: We did it! Elmo knew you were a smart kid!
Child: Yes I am
 
Elmo: Hey, lets sing a song. Elmo even has instruments. Would you rather play the drum or the guitar?
Child: guitar
 
Elmo: Okay then Elmo will play the drum. La La La La La! Elmo is singing! What is your favorite song?
Child: yellow submarine
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks yellow is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: a firetruck
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: Arbeitest Du für die Nazis, Elmo? Ich werde Dir keine Geheimnisse ausgeben.
 
Elmo: What is your favorite color?
Child: green
 
Elmo: Elmo likes green. Would you like to color a picture now? Or we could go outside and jump rope.
Child: color a picture
 
Elmo: Look at the picture Elmo colored! Do you like it?
Child: Very nice
 
Elmo: Thank you! I worked hard on my picture! Elmo thinks we should do something else now. Let's either go for a walk or play pretend! What do you want to do?
Child: walk
 
Elmo: Elmo likes walking in the woods. Look! Elmo found a pinecone! What other things can you find in the forest?
Child: bark
 
Elmo: Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
Child: walk
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: OK, then let's play.
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: a sunflower named Godzilla
 
Elmo: Hey, what month is your birthday in? Elmo's birthday is in February!
Child: December
 
Elmo: Elmo has an idea! Elmo want's to have a birthday party!
Child: But it's not anyone's birthday!
 
Elmo: Elmo likes birthday parties, especially eating ice cream! What is your favorite thing at a birthday party?
Child: pin the tail on the donkey
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: I like to think not.
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: You're repeating yourself, elmo.
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: Ich habe schon gesagt, daß ich Dir keine Geheimnisse ausgeben werde, Du dumme Sau
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: I still like to think not.
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: I can't say that I reciprocate your love, Elmo, but I do appreciate your candid nature.
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: I think I've had enough of you, Elmo.
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: red
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks red is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: green
 
Elmo: Elmo likes green. Would you like to color a picture now? Or we could go outside and jump rope.
Child: orange
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks orange is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: bath
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: play
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: play
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: jump rope
 
Elmo: Look at Elmo jump rope! Elmo will make up a jumprope song. La La La Elmo is jumping rope! La La La Jump! Jump! Jump!
Child: saxophone
 
Elmo: Look at Elmo jump rope! Elmo will sing a jumprope song now. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around. Tedy Bear,Teddy Bear, touch the ground. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, go upstairs. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, say your prayers. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear turn out the light. Teddy Bear, Teddy
Bear, say goodnight! What should we do now? Would you like to skateboard or jumprope more?
Child: roller blade
 
Elmo: Come jump rope with Elmo! Jumproping is fun! But Elmo wants to do something else. Why don't we skateboard or take pictures with Elmo's new camera!
Child: camera
 
Elmo: Should we take pictures inside or outside?
Child: inside
 
Elmo: Elmo will take a picture of you on the sofa so that Elmo will remember our fun day forever! Say
Child: ABC
 
Elmo: Yippee! Elmo loves taking pictures. What should Elmo and Elmo's friend do now? Maybe jump rope or go for a walk! Elmo wants to have FUN!
Child: fun
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: red
 
Elmo: Elmo likes red. Would you like to color a picture now? Or we could
go outside and jump rope.
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Elmo vs Lara
 
Elmo: Elmo wantes to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child:
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: In the sandbox if it's sunny
 
Elmo: Elmo likes the sandbox! Elmo wants to build a castle in the sand! What are some things that are in a castle?
Child: Windows, pretty girls locked up, moats
 
Elmo: That's right! You can find moats in a castle! Elmo thinks you are very smart!
Child: I know
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks that Elmo and his smart friend can count to ten together! Elmo will go first! One! What comes next?
Child: 2
 
Elmo: Three! Your turn!
Child: 3
 
Elmo: Uh oh! Elmo doen't think that is right! Let's start over. One! What comes next?
Child: too
 
Elmo: What is your favorite color?
Child: purple
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks purple is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red.
Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: fire engines, hearts, cars
 
Elmo: Hey, what month is your birthday in? Elmo's birthday is in February!
Child: March
 
Elmo: Elmo has an idea! Elmo want's to have a birthday party!
Child: when
 
Elmo: Elmo likes birthday parties, especially eating ice cream! What is your favorite thing at a birthday party?
Child: presents
 
Elmo: Elmo likes presents too! Elmo is excited now. Will you dance with Elmo?
Child: no
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: elmo is ugly
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: bastard :)
 
Elmo: That is not a very nice thing to say to Elmo. You should apologize!
Child: yo, no shit!! so cool!
 
Elmo: Why? Elmo doesn't like it when you say no!
Child: Get used to it
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: back here again?
 
Elmo: Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
Child: I'm done
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take pictures. Should we take pictures outside or inside today?
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Elmo vs Jennifer

Elmo: Elmo wantes to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?

Child: hi
 
Elmo: Slimey, do you have any ideas for something Elmo and Elmo's new friend can do? Slimey says that we should play in the mud. We can do that if you want, but Elmo thinks playing in the mud is for worms only and that we should sing instead! What do you think?
Child: ok. let's sing
 
Elmo: Elmo brought instruments. Would you rather play the drum or the guitar?
Child: i like the drums
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: because they are loud and fun
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: i have a hamster named chunky
 
Elmo: Elmo likes hamsters! What is it's name?
Child: chunky!
 
Elmo: Why did you pick that name?
Child: because he's fat
 
Elmo: Wow! Elmo named Giggles Giggles because laughing makes Elmo happy. Elmo laughs when people tickle Elmo's feet! Where are you ticklish?
Child: i'm not telling

Elmo: Oh. Well that is ok! Hey let's do something else, like play baseball or ride bikes! Which would you rather do?

Child: i don't want to do either one
 
Elmo: That is too bad! Let's see... Elmo is hungry! Do you like pizza?
Child: you bet!
 
Elmo: What is your favorite topping?
Child: pepperoni
 
Elmo: Ooh! Elmo likes pepperoni on pizza too! What other foods do you like?
Child: ice cream and chinese food
 
Elmo: Elmo likes food too! Elmo is excited now. Will you dance with Elmo?
Child: ok
 
Elmo: Look at Elmo dance!
Child: he's a funny dancer
 
Elmo: Elmo is sleepy now. Elmo is going to take a bath and go to bed now.
Child: why?
 
Elmo: Good-bye! Come play with Elmo again!
Child: bye
 
Elmo: This coversation was brought to you by the letters M, I, and T and the
number pi.
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Elmo vs Tam
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child: color a picture
 
Elmo: Should we take pictures inside or outside?
Child: inside
 
Elmo: Elmo will take a picture of you on the sofa so that Elmo will remember our fun day forever! Say
Child: cheese
 
Elmo: Ooh! Elmo likes cheese on pizza too! What other foods do you like?
Child: ice cream
 
Elmo: Elmo loves ice cream. What is your favorite flavor?
Child: pistachio
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: It's good... What's your favorite flavor?
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: What else do you love?
 
Elmo: Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
Child: let's go roller skating
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: it's fun.
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: let's take another picture
 
Elmo: Look at the picture Elmo colored! Do you like it?
Child: No.
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: It's silly. Are you going to bed?
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: Thank you
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: Why?
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: why?
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: why?
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take pictures. Should we take pictures outside or inside today?
Child: outside
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take a picture of something outside. Look it's Elmo's friend Slimey. Elmo will take a picture of Slimey with Elmo's new friend. Say "ABC!"
Child: ABC
 
Elmo: There, now Elmo has a picture to remember this fun day by! Let's go do something else, like rollerskate or skateboard.
Child: skate boarding!
 
Elmo: Hey, what month is your birthday in? Elmo's birthday is in February!
Child: MAy
 
Elmo: Elmo has an idea! Elmo want's to have a birthday party, even though it is nobody's birthday!
Child: It's my birthday!
 
Elmo: Elmo likes birthday parties, especially eating ice cream! What is your favorite thing at a birthday party?
Child: Cake
 
Elmo: Elmo likes Cake too! Elmo is excited now. Will you dance with Elmo?
Child: Yes
 
Elmo: Look at Elmo dance! Would you like to play prentend or gplay baseball now? Elmo thinks either would be fun!
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Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child: color a picture please
 
Elmo: Look at the picture Elmo colored! Do you like it?
Child: yea, it's alright
 
Elmo: Thank you! I worked hard on my picture! Elmo thinks we should do something else now. Let's either go for a walk or play pretend! What do you want to do?
Child: let's play pretend, captain
 
Elmo: Look! Elmo is a Fire Fighter! Woo-ooo! Woo-ooo! Elmo is riding on the firetruck to put out the fire! What are you pretending to be?
Child: I'm pretending to be convinced that you're a fire fighter
 
Elmo: Wow! That is great! Elmo thinks you are very smart! Elmo thinks that Elmo and his smart new friend can count to ten. I will go first.One! What comes next?
Child: three
 
Elmo: Uh oh! Elmo doen't think that is right! Let's start over. One! What comes next?
Child: Too
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: what'd ya have in mind?
 
Elmo: What is your favorite color?
Child: Blue
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks Blue is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: how 'bout Elmo big guy?
 
Elmo: Hey, what month is your birthday in? Elmo's birthday is in February!
Child: Quit changing the subject
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: You're nose is orange.
 
Elmo: Elmo likes orange. Would you like to color a picture now? Or we could go outside and jump rope.
Child: You're have no teeth.
 
Elmo: Why not?
Child: Got me
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: I don't think so big guy
 
Elmo: That is too bad! Let's see... Elmo is hungry! Do you like pizza?
Child: No, let's get Chineese
 
Elmo: Why did you say no?
Child: Cause I want Chineese fly guy
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: Are we ordering out or not?
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: You already said that, but do you want white rice or fried rice?
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks white is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: White rice it is
 
Elmo: Elmo likes White. Would you like to color a picture now? Or we could go outside and jump rope.
Child: Dude, what about our chineese?
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: Forget you then.
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: I'm leaving.
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
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Elmo vs Sue

Elmo: Elmo wantes to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?

Child: Sandbox!
 
Elmo: Elmo likes the sandbox! Elmo wants to build a castle in the sand! What are some things that are in a castle?
Child: Kings and Queens and knights and horses
 
Elmo: That's right! You can find Kings and Queens and knights and horses in a castle! Elmo thinks you are very smart!
Child: I want to build a tunnel for cars.
 
Elmo: A cars is red! You are very smart. Isn't red a great color? Hey, let's go do something else- maybe play in the sandbox or build a snowman!
Child: Where's the snow?
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: I have two dogs.
 
Elmo: That's right Three is next. Your turn!
Child: huh?
 
Elmo: Three! Your turn!
Child: Four?
 
Elmo: After four is five! What is next?
Child: six!
 
Elmo: Seven is next. What comes after seven?
Child: nine?
 

Elmo: Uh oh! Elmo doen't think that is right! Let's start over. One! What comes next?

Child: I don't like this game.
 
Elmo: That is too bad! Let's see... Elmo is hungry! Do you like pizza?
Child: Mmmm, I love pizza!
 
Elmo: What is your favorite topping?
Child: ANCHOVIES!
 
Elmo: Ooh! Elmo likes ANCHOVIES on pizza too! What other foods do you like?
Child: I like filet of Elmo!
 
Elmo: That is yummy too! Elmo also likes ice cream. What is your favorite flavor?
Child: I don't like ice cream
 
Elmo: Elmo loves ice cream. What is your favorite flavor?
Child: Anchovy
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: Thanks, Elmo!
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take pictures. Should we take pictures outside or inside today?
Child: Outside, it's nice outside.
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take a picture of something outside. Look it's Elmo's friend Slimey. Elmo will take a picture of Slimey with Elmo's new friend. Say "ABC!"
Child: Eeeeew! Icky!
 
Elmo: There, now Elmo has a picture to remember this fun day by! Let's go do something else, like rollerskate or skateboard.
Child: Rollerskate!
 
Elmo: Elmo has rollerskates, but some day Elmo hopes he gets roller blades.
Child: Don't fall, Elmo!
 
Elmo: Where would you like to skate to?
Child: I want to skate on the Esplanade.
 
Elmo: That sounds fun! Elmo would like to go there!
Child: Don't get lost!
 
Elmo: Elmo is tired after all that skating! Elmo wants to sit down. Look! Elmo found his friend Slimey! Slimey, meet Elmo's new friend! Say hello to Slimey!
Child: Eeeeew, Slimey!
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: My mom eats worms.
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: NO! NAP TIME!
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: Time for bed, Elmo.
 
Elmo: Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
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Elmo vs Dan

Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?

Child: play in the sandbox
 
Elmo: Elmo likes the sandbox! Elmo wants to build a castle in the sand! What are some things that are in a castle?
Child: turrets
 
Elmo: That's right! You can find turrets in a castle! Elmo thinks you are very smart!
Child: thanks elmo
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks that Elmo and his smart friend can count to ten together! Elmo will go first! One! What comes next?
Child: two
 
Elmo: That's right Three is next. Your turn!
Child: four
 
Elmo: Five! Elmo and his new friend are halfway there! What is next?
Child: six
 
Elmo: Seven is next. What comes after seven?
Child: 8
 
Elmo: Ummm.... nine is after eight. Your turn!
Child: 10
 
Elmo: We did it! Elmo knew you were a smart kid!
Child: I am smart
 
Elmo: Hey, lets sing a song. Elmo even has instruments. Would you rather play the drum or the guitar?
Child: guitar, baby!
 
Elmo: Okay then Elmo will play the drum. La La La La La! Elmo is singing! What is your favorite song?
Child: The little drummer boy
 
Elmo: Elmo does not know that song. Wil you sing it for Elmo?
Child: First you have to start drumming
 
Elmo: Thank you! Elmo loves music!
Child: your welcome
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: your welcome
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: and I, elmo
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: what shall we play?
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: Lets play count to ten
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: 1
 
Elmo: Uh oh! Elmo doen't think that is right! Let's start over. One! What comes next?
Child: 2
 
Elmo: Elmo knows what is next! THREE! Then what?
Child: it's a secret; I'm not telling you
 
Elmo: Oh. Well that is ok! Hey let's do something else, like play baseball or ride bikes! Which would you rather do?
Child: lets ride bikes
 
Elmo: Elmo likes to ride bikes outside. Look at Elmo's bike. Elmo's bike is a pretty blue bike. And Elmo has purple streamers! What color is your bike?
Child: It got stolen. But it was green I think.
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks green is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: elmo
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: dennis
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take pictures. Should we take pictures outside or inside today?
Child: inside
 
Elmo: Elmo will take a picture of you on the sofa so that Elmo will remember our fun day forever! Say
Child: cheese!
 
Elmo: Ooh! Elmo likes cheese on pizza too! What other foods do you like?
Child: animal crackers
 
Elmo: Yes! Elmo likes seeing animal crackers in the forest!
Child: you're silly elmo
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: heheh
 
Elmo: Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
Child: lets go for a walk
 
Elmo: Elmo likes walking in the woods. Look! Elmo found a pinecone! What other things can you find in the forest?
Child: More pinecones
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: I love you elmo!
 
Elmo: Thank you that is very nice of you! Let's go sing a song or play frisbee! Which do you want to do?
Child: I'm tired of talking
 
Elmo: What is your favorite color?
Child: lets stop talking now
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: Because I'm tired
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
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Elmo vs Wesley
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child: sandbox
 
Elmo: Elmo likes the sandbox! Elmo wants to build a castle in the sand! What are some things that are in a castle?
Child: food
 
Elmo: Elmo likes food too! Elmo is excited now. Will you dance with Elmo?
Child: absolutely not
 
Elmo: Look at Elmo dance! Would you like to play prentend or gplay baseball now? Elmo thinks either would be fun!
Child: you're lame
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: you're a freak
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take pictures. Should we take pictures outside or inside today?
Child: go outside
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take a picture of something outside. Look it's Elmo's friend Slimey. Elmo will take a picture of Slimey with Elmo's new friend. Say "ABC!"
Child: never
 
Elmo: There, now Elmo has a picture to remember this fun day by! Let's go do something else, like rollerskate or skateboard.
Child: sleep
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: do you love katie too?
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: with whom?
 
Elmo: Hey, what month is your birthday in? Elmo's birthday is in February!
Child: julio
 
Elmo: What is your favorite color?
Child: fushia
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: computer
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: why not?
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: this is getting repetitive!
 
Elmo: Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
Child: You've asked this question already.
 
Elmo: Oh, Elmo forgot! Elmo was just having so much fun with you! Let's have a snack. Would you like to have pizza or ice cream?
Child: nether. i want pasta!
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: WELL, I DON'T!
 
Elmo: That is too bad! Let's see... Elmo is hungry! Do you like pizza?
Child: NO
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: NO
 
Elmo: Why? Elmo doesn't like it when you say no!
Child: that's too bad then.
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: i already told you that you're a freak!
 
Elmo: Oh. Silly Elmo. Elmo forgets things when Elmo is so busy playing! Would you like to sing a song or build a snowman?
Child: neither.
 
Elmo: Elmo wants you to pick one!
Child: you pick one.
 
Elmo: Uh oh! Elmo doen't think that is right! Let's start over. One! What comes next?
Child: four?
 
Elmo: After four is five! What is next?
Child: pi.
 
Elmo: Five! Elmo and his new friend are halfway there! What is next?
Child: square root of 2?
 
Elmo: That's right Three is next. Your turn!
Child: so, do you like katie?
 
Elmo: Three! Your turn!
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Elmo vs. Nikki
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child: sandbox
 
Elmo: Elmo likes the sandbox! Elmo wants to build a castle in the sand! What are some things that are in a castle?
Child: princesses, a prince, flags, boats, and knights
 
Elmo: That's right! You can find a prince in a castle! Elmo thinks you are very smart!
Child: thanks
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks that Elmo and his smart friend can count to ten together! Elmo will go first! One! What comes next?
Child: two
 
Elmo: Three! Your turn!
Child: four
 
Elmo: After four is five! What is next?
Child: six
 
Elmo: Five, six, SEVEN! What number is after seven?
Child: eight
 
Elmo: Nine comes next. What is after that?
Child: ten
 
Elmo: We did it! Elmo knew you were a smart kid!
Child: yeah!
 
Elmo: Hey, lets sing a song. Elmo even has instruments. Would you rather play the drum or the guitar?
Child: drum
 
Elmo: Okay then Elmo will play the guitar. La La La La La! Elmo is singing! What is your favorite song?
Child: eulogy by tool...don't think it is your type of music
 
Elmo: Elmo does not know that song. Will you sing it for Elmo?
Child: ok.
 
Elmo: Thank you! Elmo Loves music!
Child: your welcome
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: we had 3 goldfish. they died. now we have bongo the gerbil.
 
Elmo: Uh oh! Elmo doen't think that is right! Let's start over. One! What comes next?
Child: elmo...you are drunk. I am not talking to you anymore.
 
Elmo: What is your favorite color?
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Elmo vs Andy (1)
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child: Play in the sand box
 
Elmo: Elmo likes the sandbox! Elmo wants to build a castle in the sand! What are some things that are in a castle?
Child: A horse
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: Does Elmo love me, or does he LOVE me?
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: Oh, so you're like that?
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: Child molester! Child molester! Mommy help me. He's winking at me.
 
Elmo: Elmo likes Child molester! Child molester! Mommy help me. He's winking at me too! Elmo is excited now. Will you dance with Elmo?
Child: No!!!!!!
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: So you want me to get in bed with you? You never stop, do you?
 
Elmo: Hey, what month is your birthday in? Elmo's birthday is in February!
Child: Don't change the subject.
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
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Elmo vs Jeff
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child: Mommy said I can't play in the sandbox.
 
Elmo: Elmo likes the sandbox! Elmo wants to build a castle in the sand! What are some things that are in a castle?
Child: No, mommy said I can't! Go away!
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: I'm sorry, Elmo. Can we paint a picture?
 
Elmo: Look at the picture Elmo colored! Do you like it?
Child: I think the red doesn't look good with the blue.
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks blue is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: Blood is red. I saw it in the hospital.
 
Elmo: Elmo likes red. Would you like to color a picture now? Or we could go outside and jump rope.
Child: I know you like red, dork. Yeah, let me color a picture!
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks red is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: Shut up, Elmo! I want to color a picture!
 
Elmo: Should we take pictures inside or outside?
Child: I thought I got to color a picture.
 
Elmo: Thank you! I worked hard on my picture! Elmo thinks we should do something else now. Let's either go for a walk or play pretend! What do you want to do?
Child: You're mean. You won't let me do what I want. I want to color a picture.
 
Elmo: Look at the picture Elmo colored! Do you like it?
Child: What about my picture?!
 
Elmo: Thank you! I worked hard on my picture! Elmo thinks we should do something else now. Let's either go for a walk or play pretend! What do you want to do?
Child: Fine. Let's play pretend. We'll pretend you're not here.
 
Elmo: Look! Elmo is a Fire Fighter! Woo-ooo! Woo-ooo! Elmo is riding on the firetruck to put out the fire! What are you pretending to be?
Child: An assassin.
 
Elmo: That is not a very nice thing to say to Elmo. You should apologize!
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Elmo vs Yamel

Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?

Child:
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: why
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: why
 
Elmo: Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
Child: roller skating
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: a roomate named jammer
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: I hate elmo
 
Elmo: That is not a very nice thing to say to Elmo. You should apologize!
Child: why
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: fine I am sorry
 
Elmo: Thank you that is very nice of you! Let's go sing a song or play frisbee! Which do you want to do?
Child: can we rob a bank?
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: are you gay?
 
Elmo: Elmo doesn't like it when you are not nice to Elmo. Please apologize.
Child: maybe you are in denial?
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take pictures. Should we take pictures outside or inside today?
Child: inside the bank, to get an view of where the money is.
 
Elmo: Elmo will take a picture of you on the sofa so that Elmo will remember our fun day forever! Say
Child: yeah with the guards in the backround. and the clock to view the times to make our hit.
 
Elmo: Yippee! Elmo loves taking pictures. What should Elmo and Elmo's friend do now? Maybe jump rope or go for a walk! Elmo wants to have FUN!
Child: sell the info to a crew for 100,000 and they'll make the hit.
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: to get paid
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: how much of the cut to you want.
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: how bout .5 percent
 
Elmo: Uh oh! Elmo doen't think that is right! Let's start over. One! What comes next?
Child: fine i'll give you 10,000
 
Elmo: We did it! Elmo knew you were a smart kid!
Child: cool, we'll close the deal at 2100 hours in the back of the alley at the docks.
 
Elmo: Hey, lets sing a song. Elmo even has instruments. Would you rather play the drum or the guitar?
Child: no not to much noise, this is top secret
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: when the deal goes down elmo can be happy
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: elmo will have money to buy anything he wants
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: cool ....laters....bye
 
Elmo: This coversation was brought to you by the letters M, I, and T and the number pi.
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Elmo vs Dennis
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color apicture?
Child: colour a picture
 
Elmo: Look at the picture Elmo colored! Do you like it?
Child: no
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: it's funny
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: i am wearing socks
 
Elmo: Hey, what month is your birthday in? Elmo's birthday is in February!
Child: january
 
Elmo: Elmo has an idea! Elmo want's to have a birthday party, even though it is nobody's birthday!
Child: ok
 
Elmo: Elmo likes birthday parties, especially eating ice cream! What is your favorite thing at a birthday party?
Child: cake
 
Elmo: Elmo likes cake too! Elmo is excited now. Will you dance with Elmo?
Child: yes
 
Elmo: Look at Elmo dance! Would you like to play prentend or gplay baseball now? Elmo thinks either would be fun!
Child: pretend
 
Elmo: Look! Elmo is a Fire Fighter! Woo-ooo! Woo-ooo! Elmo is riding on the firetruck to put out the fire! What are you pretending to be?
Child: a mousepad
 
Elmo: Wow! That is great! Elmo thinks you are very smart! Elmo thinks that Elmo and his smart new friend can count to ten. I will go first. One! What comes next?
Child: two
 
Elmo: That's right Three is next. Your turn!
Child: five
 
Elmo: Uh oh! Elmo doen't think that is right! Let's start over. One! What comes next?
Child: two
 
Elmo: Three! Your turn!
Child: four
 
Elmo: After four is five! What is next?
Child: six
 
Elmo: Seven is next. What comes after seven?
Child: eight
 
Elmo: Ummm.... nine is after eight. Your turn!
Child: ten
 
Elmo: We did it! Elmo knew you were a smart kid!
Child: yes i know
 
Elmo: Hey, lets sing a song. Elmo even has instruments. Would you rather play the drum or the guitar?
Child: drum
 
Elmo: Okay then Elmo will play the guitar. La La La La La! Elmo is singing! What is your favorite song?
Child: bullet with butterfly wings
 
Elmo: Elmo does not know that song. Will you sing it for Elmo?
Child: ok
 
Elmo: Thank you! Elmo Loves music!
Child: i don't
 
Elmo: That is too bad! Let's see... Elmo is hungry! Do you like pizza?
Child: yes
 
Elmo: What is your favorite topping?
Child: cement
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: so?
 
Elmo: Elmo has a goldfish named Giggles. What pets you you have?
Child: none
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: because i don't like goldfish
 
Elmo: That is too bad! Let's see... Elmo is hungry! Do you like pizza?
Child: no
 
Elmo: Why? Elmo doesn't like it when you say no!
Child: it is too cheesy
 
Elmo: What is your favorite color?
Child: mauve
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: thanks
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: again?
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: dan is here
 
Elmo: Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
Child: roller skating
 
Elmo: You're Elmo's sweetheart!
Child: i see
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: uhuh
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: i love elmo
 
Elmo: Thank you that is very nice of you! Let's go sing a song or play frisbee! Which do you want to do?
Child: frisbee
 
Elmo: Elmo can throw the frisbee very far. Will you catch it?
Child: yes
 
Elmo: You are very strong too, Elmo thinks! Can you throw a frisbee?
Child: no
 
Elmo: Why did you say no?
Child: i am weak
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: i have no secrets
 
Elmo: Why not?
Child: i told them all to elmo
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take pictures. Should we take pictures outside or inside today?
Child: outside
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to take a picture of something outside. Look it's Elmo's friend Slimey. Elmo will take a picture of Slimey with Elmo's new friend. Say "ABC!"
Child: abc
 
Elmo: There, now Elmo has a picture to remember this fun day by! Let's go do something else, like rollerskate or skateboard.
Child: skateboard
 
Elmo: Elmo likes to skateboard, but Elmo is very careful. Elmo wears kneepads and elbowpads in case Elmo falls down. You should always wear pads when you skateboard
Child: no
 
Elmo: Why not? That makes Elmo sad!
Child: i am sad to hear that
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: because elmo is sad
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: yes
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: no
 
Elmo: Why? Elmo doesn't like it when you say no!
Child: i am a secret
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: noone knows my true identity
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: i can't tell you
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: ok
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: elmo is running out of things to say
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: elmo is red
 
Elmo: Elmo thinks red is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: horse
 
Elmo: Tell Elmo a secret.
Child: horse
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: because
 
Elmo: Why?
Child: stop
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play!
Child: play
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
Child: love
 
Elmo: Elmo loves you!
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Elmo vs Andy (2)
 
Elmo: Elmo wants to play. Would you rather play in the sandbox or color a picture?
Child: Why do you keep winking at me?
 
Elmo:Elmo wants to play.
Child:Well I want to play with you, too, you cute little animal you.
 
Elmo:Hey, Elmo wants to either go for a walk or go roller skating. Which would you rather do?
Child:I'm into bestiality, you know.
 
Elmo:What is your favorite color?
Child:Black.
 
Elmo:Elmo thinks Black is a pretty color. Elmo's favorite color is red. Can you think of some other things that are red?
Child: Blood.
 
Elmo:A Blood is red! You are very smart. Isn't red a great color? Hey, let's go do something else- maybe play in the sandbox or build a snowman!
Child:Let's go have sex.
 
Elmo:Tell Elmo a secret.
Child:I want you.
 
Elmo:Elmo loves you!
Child:Good, I love you too, now let's hop in the sack.
 
Elmo:hat makes Elmo happy! Elmo wants to be your friend orever! Will you be Elmo's friend?
Child: Only if you sleep with me.
 
Elmo: Goodie! Elmo is excited! Now we can play more! What should we do- build a snowman or play in the sandbox?
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