All is Fair in Love and War

During times of real international conflict, military people must often justify their killing of other people by believing "all is fair in love and war." The dropping of the Atomic Bomb on Hiroshima has been justified because the Japanese leaders were evil and would have done the same to us if they could have. That is, dropping the bomb was "fair."

The phrase now, however, has entered into more popular culture to address more everyday conflicts. If someone tarnishes my character in public, I will likely do something to tarnish his character for not other reason than it is "fair."

The most interesting aspect of the adage is the combination of love and war. "All is fair in love" by itself does not mean very much. Of course everything is fair in love-if I buy my wife a dozen roses to express my love, who will argue that isn't fair? The complete adage, however, intertwines love and war. It suggests that the conquest of a lover is similar to the conquest of an enemy. In some ways it is-in both cases, the protagonist wants things to go his way and will go through any means to obtain it. Whether the means are "outgifting" a potential mate or "outslandering" an opponent, both are declared fair by the adage.

I have to disagree with the message of this adage. Someone declared that everything was allowed in all attempts at conquest. This is a very selfish and short-sighted view of life. It may ease the minds of the men going into battle to think that the deaths they cause are okay because, after all, it is war. It may help a would-be lover to become a stalker because he believes it is a sign of his love. In both cases, they are hiding behind the adage without having to think too hard about what they are really doing. In fact, all IS NOT fair in love or war. Torture, stalking, and killing are never acts of fairness. Even if they are acts of retribution, does that really make it "fair?" No.

Therefore, I suggest that this adage fall out of usage. It is a tool of the weak-minded to do what they desire without thinking about the consequences.