For the Sisterhood

 

Caroline Lee

 

 

The female praying mantis is notorious in the animal kingdom for her mating habits.  It has been observed that occasionally, the female will bite off the head of her mate during copulation.  Among the many reasons for this cannibalistic behavior is that the head is an inhibitory center during sexual intercourse.  Removing the head increases the drive of the male. 

 

As I sat in lecture listening to my Animal Behavior professor elaborate on the peculiar yet fascinating mating habits of the female praying mantis, I saw my male classmates around me squirm in their seats obviously disturbed by what they were hearing.  Some of the girls in the room tittered nervously.  I could not help smiling.  Now there is a woman after my own heart.  

 

I often ask myself what I consider an ideal woman.  In my mind, an ideal woman is independent, ambitious, self-sufficient.  She has no fear of reaching for what may seem unattainable.  Instead, she thrives on the challenge.  Looking around, I see there are plenty of women who fit that mold.  The US government has more high ranking women in office today than it has had at any other time in history.  Compared to even just ten years ago, women are a visible force in the corporate world.  The times have yielded us highly accomplished and highly successful women professors, writers, policewomen, musicians, doctors, lawyers.  The list goes on and on.  However, even with all the progress that has been made for women in the past few decades, there is undeniably a glass ceiling for women.  Gender division of labor exists.  Despite these progressive times, society still imposes expectations on women in all aspects of life, and women have not yet completely broken out of those restrictions.

 

Today’s women are reaping the benefits of the feminist movements of the 1970’s.  Such movements produced the likes of Gloria Steinem who is most famous for saying, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”  Women of that era were struggling for an identity of their own that did not include men.  Now, scores of women are self-sufficient without the help of a male companion.  Successful unwed forty-year-old women are not as pitied as they once were.  In many cases, they are admired for their fortitude and ambition.  They attained their goals regardless of the societal pressure to marry and settle down. 

 

            Why is it, then, that men are able to have a meaningful relationship and carry on with their career without missing a step when many women cannot?  In many instances, women who are potentially on track to accomplishing greatness are derailed by the onset of the “L” word.  I have watched the grades of friends with impeccable academic records plummet to all-time lows as a result of new love.  At the same time, I have also seen many of my male friends take girlfriends with the only visible effect being that they shower more frequently.  I find that women in relationships tend to compromise their relationships with other friends in favor of the one with their boyfriend. 

 

            Certainly, falling in love is not a bad thing.  However, the role of the woman in a relationship is strongly dictated throughout traditions in history, and in the vast majority of cases, these roles are adhered to.  Women cook.  Men take out the trash.  Women clean.  Men avoid it at all possible costs.  Not only do these traditional roles in homes and relationships still remain for the most part (although I admit, I see more men than women doing the laundry these days), the fact of that matter is that women are embracing these roles with an unbridled sort of gusto.  Women who could hardly figure out how to boil water are suddenly inspired to stay in and cook five course meals.  Oddly enough, a few months down the line, these women will inevitably complain to their girlfriends that their boyfriends or husbands never help in the kitchen. 

 

            Within a matter of time, men take women on the inevitable emotional roller coaster.  The giddiness from a budding relationship turns into discontent with imperfections which leads to rage from betrayal.  And then of course, there are tears - enough to flood a small third world country.  Women slide easily into the role of emotional wrecks as men retreat to their place as the detached, restless and sometimes even aloof jerks.   

 

            Even more baffling is that women allow themselves to go through this process time and time again.  Just as the Pavlovian dog learned not to touch the electrically charged foot pedal, shouldn’t women have learned to stay away from bad relationships?  Common sense is screaming at us to take charge of our lives.  The experience of woman after woman through time must be enough to educate us against perpetuating the cycle of this sort of masochism. 

 

I am starting to believe more and more that men, or more specifically, boyfriends, somehow compromise a woman’s better judgment.  While a friend and I discussed plans for the future after graduation, she lamented the difficulty of the job-seeking process because her boyfriend could not decide where he wanted to go so she could not indicate to prospective employers her preference in locations.  In my utter confusion, I asked why she had to go where he went, and why it couldn’t be the other way around.  After all, he is the one with the perfect GPA in computer science, which more or less gives him complete reign over his placement.  She, on the other hand, is looking to find a job with an architecture firm.  Such jobs are few and far between in comparison to the number of computer technology companies.  Clearly, she should be the one to pick the city, and he should work around that.

 

As my friend continued to talk about her woes, I saw how she fit perfectly into the role of the woman.  She is a woman therefore she is not allowed the privilege of choosing where she will work.  Her boyfriend is a man, and for only that reason, he and his job choice will take precedence over that of his girlfriend.  She will have to make do with her options in the random and most likely remote locale that he decides upon.  Even sadder is that to my friend, this is very obviously the only way things can work.  Clearly, she has not even considered the logic of her choosing a city and having her boyfriend make do. 

 

The feminists of the seventies have successfully convinced America that women are a force to be reckoned with in the professional world.  However, despite the progress that has been made, certain expectations remain.  We are still expected to follow our boyfriends and husbands to where ever their jobs take them.  Men, on the other hand, are not expected to follow their girlfriends.   

 

The roles and expectations of women in relationships have an impact on the psyche of women in the professional world.  In relationships, girlfriends and wives are generally subservient to their boyfriends and husbands.  The man of the house leads and the others, including the woman of the house, follow.  This mentality carries over to the workplace. 

 

In the workplace, men set the pace and the rules and without fail, women comply and follow.  In those instances which are specific to women and men are not affected, some men have a tendency to become ignorant.  A classic example is that of maternity leave.  Apparently, some men also feel that women should not take time off from work after giving birth to a child.  Either that, or women should leave their jobs once having children in order stay home and raise them.  A woman I know went back to work following six weeks leave and for obvious reasons was a little sluggish on her first day back at work.  Although she received much understanding from her most of her male co-workers, one of her co-workers said to her: “You had six weeks off.  You should be on top of this by now.”  Do some men not realize that maternity leave is not exactly the same thing as lounging on the beach in the Bahamas? 

 

Women are forced into the role are the child-rearer.  It seems that the man’s place in the work force is more valuable than that of the woman.  Traditionally, the idea has been that men cannot leave their jobs to raise children because they are needed at work.  Women, on the other hand, should stay at home to raise the children because that is what we are meant to do.  That is our role as women.  Apparently, women are as expendable in the workplace as a penny is in a change purse.  No one seems to have any qualms about delegating us to diaper duty.  

 

            When acting-Governor Jane Swift of Massachusetts gave birth to twins in the summer of 2001, she was celebrated not only as the youngest woman ever to be Governor in the United States but also as the first to give birth while in office.  At the same time, her maternity leave kicked up a debate among state officials who argued that she was ineffective in fulfilling her duties as a governor because she was unable to be present at the State House during meetings.  Some also tried to suggest that her use of audio and video conferences during this time were somehow unconstitutional.  She was called to relinquish her powers as governor to her deputy while on maternity leave. 

 

            Of course, the voices of dissent were silenced quickly by women, mothers, women’s rights groups, and even men alike.  It was still shocking to discover that such a line of thought still existed and was widespread enough to get public attention.  So the idea does linger in people’s minds – women can work in any occupation they please, but the minute we require special time off for personal reasons that do not commonly affect men, we are called to resign, leave our jobs, go home, and stay home.  Interestingly enough, during the course of this debacle, a news anchor pointed out that in the 1940’s, the mayor of Boston was incarcerated for several months while he was in office, and no one called him ineffective. 

 

            Thirty years have given us women such as former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright and newly appointed Xerox CEO Anne Mulcahy.  A friend mentioned to me that in over thirty percent of American households, women are the primary source of income.  Such a number is a significant indication of the changing tide of the times.  To be honest, I was completely surprised by that number.  At thirty percent, I would imagine women would be dancing in the streets in revelry at their accomplishments, and men would finally start to bow at our feet acknowledging our greatness.  But still, we feel we are afforded little respect in the male world.  We have proven that we can run companies and tackle a major international crisis.  However, not only men, but society itself feels more secure having a man in a position of power than a woman. 

 

            In the past hundred years, women in the highest positions of power in countries around the world have emerged.  However, in countries of substantial world power (Great Britain being the notable exception), we have yet to see a woman at the helm.  Countries such as the US, Germany, France, Japan, and Russia are still very obviously reluctant to allow a woman to take hold the reins.  After all, almost all of the great leaders and warriors of humankind have been men – Charlemagne, Genghis Khan, Gandhi, Churchill, and even Jesus. 

 

Then what of the great women leaders who have shined through history?  Are all of them – Elizabeth I, Marie Curie, Cleopatra, Catherine the Great, Amelia Earhart, to name a few – anomalies?  These women broke out of the restrictions set upon women during their times to accomplish greatness unlike anything we have seen today.  These are the women who knew no bounds to their potential and did not want to see it go to waste.  They also refused to allow a man to get in the way of their quest for their goals.  These women are the examples that we must follow. 

 

For centuries, women have been shoved into roles with labels on them.  “Girlfriend.”  “Wife.”  “Cook.”  “Maid.”  “Mother.”  We are at the point in history where we have reached a brink.  All us women are squished against the glass ceiling, and it is only a matter of time until the ceiling will shatter.  Women will scatter and fearlessly run rampant throughout the previously predominantly male society.  We will not bite off the heads of our male counterparts like the female praying mantis.  We are, after all, not insects.  We will simply push men aside and assume those roles which we women are best suited for in today’s world.  Women will take a stronger hold of their position in relationships, and this will be generally accepted.  Men and women will work side by side in professional settings for equal pay and for equal amounts of respect.  Old stereotypes of women will disintegrate because historically traditional roles are exactly that – historical and traditional.  Such changes will take time.  Schools of thought cannot be altered overnight.  However, until that day comes, we will continue to persevere and fight for our place in this world.