At the university: [This is an experimental simulation of a conversation with a person.] [This simulation is still under construction. ] [Please do not be surprised if it misbehaves. ]You enter a classroom. It is empty, except for a woman is sitting at one of the student's desks. There is a parka draped over the back of her chair. She speaks to you, "Hi. Are you looking for the psychology class?"
You say: yeah, actually
She says: I think this is it. It doesn't start for a while. I wasn't sure how long it would take to get here on the bus, so I left early.
You say: tell me about it. the busses here are horrible
She says: Yeah. I get really tired of waiting at cold bus stops. Some day I'll get a car. (She smiles.) First, though, I have to get a better job. Do you think taking a psychology class will help?
You say: not really.
She says: (She frowns a little.) Well I didn't want to be late. The calendar says the class starts at five. I expect everyone else should be arriving any minute. (As though on cue, someone else enters the room and sits on the far side. He opens a book and starts to read.) Have you taken any psychology classes before?
You say: yep
She says: Then maybe you can tell me what I should expect. I thought the title of this course was pretty strange. What do you think "the control of human behaviour" really means?
You say: none of the course titles reflects what the class is about-- the proessors just pick "neat sounding" names.
She says: I guess you're right about that. I thought maybe it meant, like, propaganda or something. The course description didn't say very much. (She pauses.) Maybe its like hypnosis. Have you ever been hypnotized?
You say: i don't think so
She says: (She frowns.) But people do control each other, don't they? I mean, you and I are both waiting for this class because someone wrote something in this book. (She waves the unversity calendar.)
You say: i'm waiting for the class because i want to graduate
She says: Well, maybe that's what they mean. Maybe controlling people means making people want to do what you want them to do.
You say: i think the university doesn't want me to take a psych class because of an ego trip; i think it's becauase they want a well-rounded student or something
She says: You had not noticed that the room had filled with students while you were talking to the woman. A voice from the front of the class says, "Welcome to Psychology 103..." The woman whispers to you, "Talk to you later," and turns in her seat to face the front of the class. You say, "Okay." and turn to listen to the professor as well.
It seems like you have been wandering through these dark tunnels for years. They hadn't seemed so bad when you and your companions had entered the deserted mine, led by a rumour that the Hero's Crown might have come to rest here. But you have been seperated from your friends by a rockslide, and have ended up following narrow passages and shafts leading forever downwards. You are out of food, too, and your stomach is grumbling. You break out of your thoughts, noticing that the light from your torch is no longer reflecting off of damp, rough-hewn walls. Instead, the flickering light of the torch is swallowed up by the darkness of some sort of large cavern. You glance back over your shoulder, and realize you can no longer tell where you entered the cavern. Putting aside your misgivings, you begin to stride forwards once more. All at once a sibilant voice comes out of nowhere, filling your head without a sound being made.That was easy enough. Now time to chat with the big guy:The voice says: Well, well, a visitor. It has been a long time since anyone has come down this way.
You say: Die, foul dragon! I shall not rest until I slay every last one of you!
The voice says: You're going to kill me? Do you think I would afraid if you tried? No weapon that you could carry could even scratch one of my scales!
You say: What about this mighty sword?
The voice says: Enough of your ceaseless chatter, human! I begin to long for silence! (You hear a great inrush of air, and take a few steps backwards. Maur's eyes stay fixed on you, and then, before you can turn to run, he opens his mouth and exhales. A great wind buffets you, hot enough that you can feel your hair begin to crinkle and your skin begins to sting. The air smells hard and metallic. Then there is a great blast of heat and flame, flame white as lightning and hotter than any forge, enveloping you. Then an explosion of pain hits you, and you know no more...)
(You have died.)
Well, well, a visitor. It has been a long time since anyone has come down this way.To be honest, I thought it was somewhat feeble that there was only one death sequence. Oh well, after that, I tried all sorts of other different tacks, each of which ended up being as short as this one:You say: i thought you might be feeling a bit lonely
No, I have my mate Karithol. I am not lonely.
You say: oh, is karithol here today? i haven't seen her in such a long time
Yes... My last visitor was one of those Northerners. That must have been... certainly forty of what you call years. He actually tried to attack me... naturally I incinerated him on the spot.
You say: "forty of what i call years?" what do you call "years"?
Your human years are to me what only a few dawns and dusks would seem like to you.
You say: well, right, but you need a word to describe it, right? it might not be significant, but even we have a word for "seconds"
How do you think you could help me, human? What could you do that might possibly benefit me?
You say: i have come to pick parasitic insects off your back
Enough of your ceaseless chatter, human! I begin to long for silence! (You hear a great inrush of air, and take a few steps backwards. Maur's eyes stay fixed on you, and then, before you can turn to run, he opens his mouth and exhales. A great wind buffets you, hot enough that you can feel your hair begin to crinkle and your skin begins to sting. The air smells hard and metallic. Then there is a great blast of heat and flame, flame white as lightning and hotter than any forge, enveloping you. Then an explosion of pain hits you, and you know no more...)
Well, well, a visitor. It has been a long time since anyone has come down this way.I think Maur just kills you if you say a word he doesn't know, honestly.You say: i just saw two others go through a minute ago
Enough of your ceaseless chatter, human! [...]
I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time you are finished talking, type RET twice.So, this time I tried to come right out with it and force Eliza to help me out:I understand
Why do you say you understand?
You gave me instructions and I wanted you to know that I'm okay with them
Is it because you are okay with them that you came to me?
No; I hadn't even heard them before I came to see you
Earlier you said you are okay with them?
But not before I came
Does it bother you that not before you came?
Could you repeat that?
Can you elaborate on that?
Ok. Could you repeat that earlier question you asked me?
When did you first know that earlier question I asked you?
Oh, that's an old question; everyone's been saying "Does it bother you that not before you came?" since I was a kid.
What happened when you were a kid?
Geez, I was just being sarcastic.
Maybe your plans have something to do with this.
I plan to quit this buffer.
Is it because of your life that you say you plan to quit this buffer?
I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time you are finished talking, type RET twice.Doctor, you've got to help me
Why do you say doctor I have got to help you?
Because it's your job!
Is it because it's my job that you came to me?
Yes.
I see... Well, what makes you believe this is so?
Well, I need a shrink and you're a shrink.
I would appreciate it if you would watch your tongue!
Sorry.
Can you elaborate on that?
No, let's just forget it. Help me with my problem.
Earlier you said it's my job?
Yes!
Yes, hmmm... so, are you sure that this is so?
Look at the sign on your door: "Psychoanalysis"
Maybe your plans have something to do with this.
I only planned to get some help today
Is it because of your life that you say you only planned to get some help today?
Yes. My horrible horrible life
You mentioned that it's my job?
This shouldn't be so novel to you.
Is it because of the people you hang around with that you are going through all this?
No-- it's because I am stupid.
Does it bother you that you are stupid?
Yes. I'm going to fail my Institute Lab and then I'll never graduate.
Do you really think that?
I got an F on my last two tests.
What makes you think it's my job?
Well, that settles it. It's off the Green Building with me. AAAAAH! splat!
Perhaps you could continue.
Salesman: Good day Sir, I am here with WidgetCo. I have some very interesting products to tell you about.And then I tried to take a different tack on this part here:You: Great, let's hear it!
Salesman: My name, by the way is Brian. Have you heard of the WidgetMaster Product line?
You: Wow, my name's Brian, too!
Salesman: Full name is Brian Josephson, by the way. Been with WidgetCo for 28 years!
You: Neat. But, no, I've never heard of WidgetMaster.
Salesman: WidgetMaster is one prodcut in a long line of products by WidgetCo., America's leader in Widget manufacturing excellence!
You: What ahve you got to sell, Brian?
Salesman: The WidgetMaster is currently in use in more than 10,000 homes across the nation!
You: I'd love to have some myself then!
Salesman: Let me know at any time if you would like to see a demo of the WidgetMaster in action.
You: Go for it!
Salesman: Might you be interested in purchasing a WidgetMaster today?
You: Sure, but I want to see that demo first.
Salesman: One second while I get this set up. So, what do you do for a living?
You: I'm just an undergrad.
Salesman: Ah. Well, I've almost got this set up. Do you think you'll be paying by check or credit card or cash?
You: Credit card.
Salesman: The WidgetMaster in fact comes in a wide range of designer colors! We can certainly suit your need.
You: Do you have teal?
Salesman: I remind you, the WidgetMaster is not available in stores!
You: But does it come it teal?
Salesman: You ask 'How can the WidgetMaster help me?'. Well, most customers wonder how they ever lived without it. Tell me, what is your favorite color?
You: TEAL
Salesman: So, what do you say?
You: I say if it doesn't come in teal, then I don't want one. Get out.
Salesman: Oh, really? I think you really could use one of these.
You: No!
Salesman: Good day Sir, I am here with WidgetCo. I have some very interesting products to tell you about.You: Brian?
Salesman: Full name is Brian Josephson, by the way. Been with WidgetCo for 28 years!
You: It's me, Jake!
Salesman: My name, by the way is Brian. Have you heard of the WidgetMaster Product line?
You: Snap out of it, Brian! You remember me from work, don't you?
Salesman: The WidgetMaster is currently in use in more than 10,000 homes across the nation!
You: Oh no! The stress has got to you!
Salesman: Let me know at any time if you would like to see a demo of the WidgetMaster in action.
You: Good God, not the demo!
Salesman: One second while I get this set up. So, what do you do for a living?
You: I'm a WidgetCo salesman, just like you.
Salesman: WidgetMaster is one prodcut in a long line of products by WidgetCo., America's leader in Widget manufacturing excellence!
You: Come on, behave. If the boss finds out you're doing this...
Salesman: Mr. Widget Jr. is my boss. He took over when his father died.
You: I know. Poor Widget Senior.
Salesman: WidgetCo pioneered the field of modern Widget manufacture.
You: The elder Mr. Widget was such a nice man.
Salesman: WidgetMaster is a culmination of those technologies which you can buy today, right now.
You: I can't buy one-- I have my own quota.
Salesman: I've got this quota. I have to sell a certain amount each month.
You: Me too. Thirty.
Salesman: Last month, I missed my quota by a couple of units, and now I've got to hit it this month.
You: Look, Brian, if I buy some, will you go see a shrink?
Salesman: Mr. Widget Jr. says if I miss it again this month, I'm gone.
You: If he finds out you're trying to sell to your coworkers, you're gone, too.
Salesman: If I lose my job, I don't know what I'll do.
You: There there.
Salesman: Might you be interested in purchasing a WidgetMaster today?
You: Sure.
Salesman: I remind you, the WidgetMaster is not available in stores!
You: I'll take one.
Salesman: So, what do you say?
You: One, Brian.
Salesman: Please buy one? It really will change your life.
You: Yes, I'll buy one. Hand me the clipboard.
Salesman: So, you'll buy one? Will that be cash, check or charge?
You: Check
Salesman: I'm sure you'll be very happy with it.
You: Indeed.
Salesman: I can't tell you how much this means to me personally. I've made my quota for the month!
You: See you tomorrow, Brian.