"It's all in the reflexes." -Big Trouble in Little China
What a fucking week!
First your friend won't pay his gambling debt, then some thugs kidnap his fiance, your truck gets stolen (that really pissed you off), this immortal Chinese guy tries to marry the babe you've been hitting on, and it all ends up with you saving the world from him and rescuing your truck... Oh yeah, and you saved the girls too.
Most people would think that's a pretty good thing, saving the world and all. You, Jack Burton, should be honored as a fucking hero. Who cares if a few city blocks got destroyed? It would've been a lot worse if that evil guy had succeeded. Well, the San Francisco cops didn't seem to see it that way, so you thought you'd lay low for a while. This guy you met, Egg Shen, got you this job as a bartender on a pleasure cruise. Guess he has a nephew who worked on it. He handed it to you on a silver platter. How could you refuse? Two weeks surrounded by liquor and scantily dressed women sounded like heaven on earth. Best yet, you were using a different name, Ralph Hinkley, so no one from your past could find you and after the cruise you'd be able to dissappear from committments and jealous boyfriends.
So there you were, having the time of your life, serving drinks and undressing the babes with your eyes... it was great! Then this guy started following you around. You were talking to him about something, you don't know, going swimming or something. You didn't think it was a good idea because of the storm coming. All of a sudden, he got this wierd look on his face and said, "It's not safe here, I'll contact you later." That didn't bother you, since there was a brunette in a low-cut dress walking in the door. You told him you'd see him later and he left you to the chick. Turned out to be no good, though. You've still got the scratch from her wedding ring on the cheak where she slapped you.
The guy was back later, sure enough. He wouldn't leave you alone. He kept babbling about ancient armor and weapons and stuff... what was it? Shields? Crossbows? Swords? You can't remember. Anyway, one day he follows you down to the boiler room, where you were hoping to meet with this cute blonde, Selina Kyle. Once you got there, he tried to give you some stuff, some wierd packages. You weren't quite sure what they were, but you took them just to get rid of him. One was small enough to put in your pocket, the two others you had to carry.
You're unclear what happened after that, exactly. The guy left and these gorillas with UZIs step out from behind some machenery while the blonde steps out from somewhere else. The goons hold you both at gunpoint and tell you to drop the packages. By this time, you were pissed off. Here you were, looking forward to a nice evening in a secluded place with this babe and people were waving guns at you. So instead of putting the packages down calmly, you threw them up in the air. This distracted the goons, who didn't see the babe pull out this gun from god knows where (she certainly wasn't wearing much to hide it under) and start spraying them with bullets.
Now you're not kind to let a babe do all the rescuing. You were all set to lay into these guys with your trusty knife except two things prevented you. First, one of the packages fell in some kind of furnace and started smoking in a really dangerous-looking way. Second, the other package hit you on the head and knocked you unconscious.
When you came to, you thought you were in heaven. You were looking into the eyes of an angel. You've never been much interested in angels, so you kissed her. She bit your lip and punched you hard in the eye. That almost knocked you out again, but Jack Burton doesn't get punched out by girls. You recognized her then, she was the blonde who saved your life. She was swearing in some other language, sounded like French. Then you started to notice the smoke. She told you, in English, to get up before the boat blew up. She dragged you out over the dead bodies of the thugs and threw you into an empty lifeboat. Two men got in after that, then a man and a babe. The boat only held six, so you cast off.
So here you are, in this lifeboat with these strangers with this sinking ship in the background. You're kind of impressed, actually, you didn't think god had anything left to throw at you.
What a fucking week!
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