VIOLENCE
S  O O X
E  O O O
X  O O O

The Girl and the Wolf
(Minimum Sex, Maximum Violence)

By Nick Montfort

Once a girl set off through the forest to visit her grandmother. She brought along a basket of bread and milk. Around her head she wore a fine red kerchief her grandmother had gotten her.

Along the way the encountered a wolf. Although sinewy and fearsome, the wolf stayed mostly hidden in the shadows, greeting the girl with a smooth voice. She said hello in return.

"Where are you going on this fine day?" the wolf inquired.

"To my grandmother's house," answered the girl, matter-of-factly. "She lives through the woods in a beautiful cottage with pink roses out front."

"And which path are you taking?" the wolf queried. "The path of pins or the path of needles?"

"The path of pins."

So the wolf took the path of the needles and, sprinting, arrived first. He prowled around the cottage, spotted an open window, and let himself in. He took grandmother by surprise and ripped off her head with his powerful forelimbs and jaws. He drained her blood into bottles and sliced her flesh onto a platter. Then he slipped into one of her nightgowns and crawled into bed.

Then the girl arrived. Knocking on the front door, she heard something like her grandmother's voice beckon her inside. She entered.

She set down the gifts she brought and offered a greeting to her grandmother.

"Thank you for the bread and milk. There is meat and wine for you in the pantry." The figure on the bed said.

So the girl ate and drank what was offered, and a little cat came up to her as she did: "Slut!" it said, "You're eating the flesh and drinking the blood of your grandmother!"

The cat's comment made her nervous, and as she got closer to the figure on the bed, her nose and eyes made it clear something was amiss.

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have!" "Why, that's the better to see you with, my dear."

"And what a wet nose you have!"

"That's the better to smell you with, my dear."

"And what sharp teeth you have!"

"The better to eat you with!"

Just then the wolf disentangled himself from grandmother's gabardine and leapt at the girl. But a woodsman on his way home had nosed the wolf's trail disappearing into the house, and jumped into the window. In a flash, the wolf abandoned his earlier target and ripped at the throat of the woodsman. The woodsman went down kicking as the wolf ripped open his chest and began ingesting his liver. The girl, meanwhile, had grabbed the woodsman's axe and gave it an inexpert but powerful swing in the wolf's direction. It cleaved the wolf's right forelimb off, but the hearty creature spun towards the girl and leapt. She took the axe once more and swung it at the wolf's head, cleaving his skull.

Updated 3 June 1997.
nickm@media.mit.edu