About a month ago, I was shown some products designed to
improve the sex lives of suburban housewives. I got so
excited,
I just had to come on public access and tell you about it. To
look at me, you'd never suspect I was a semi-nonorgasmic
woman. This means it was possible for me to have an orgasm--
but highly unlikely.
To me, the term "sexual freedom" meant freedom from having to
have sex. And then along came Good Vibrations. And was I
surprised! Now I am a regular
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
As a love object,
it surpasses my husband Harold by a country mile.
But please,
this is no threat to the family unit;
think of it as a kind of
Hamburger Helper for the boudoir.
Can you afford one, you say?
Can you afford not to have one, I say.
Why, the time it saves alone is worth the price.
I'd rank it up there with Minute Rice,
Reddi-Wip
and Pop-Tarts.
Ladies, it simply takes the guesswork out of making love.
"But doesn't it kill romance?" you say.
And I say,
"What doesn't?"