This file contains a palimpsest of descriptions of the Rattlesnake Rock climbing area. I have made these multiple versions to show both how a paragraph might develop and how information might well be presented in different fashions.

Rattlesnake Rock is a pleasant, wooded outcrop of granite located in the Blue Hills Reservation. Steep, juggy climbs of all difficulties are spread out along a 1/4 mile southfacing escarpment. While some routes can be lead, most are toproped. Some popular areas have bolts for anchors, and others require a healthy supply of sling.

This version worked fine for its original task, which was to fill up space in prototype version of a guidebook chapter that showed basic page layout properties. But it does not suffice in the long run.

pleasant -- secluded -- nice views -- wooded
multiple levels of difficulty, from beginner to master -- especially the ambitious beginner or would be master
varied types of climbing problems: steep with big holds>slabs>classic offwidth & chimney>face>
different climbing activities: Mostly toprope but aid and leads are possible -- bouldering has poor landings.
faces south (warm in winter, trees make it tolerable in the summer) -- year round climbing for the outdoors enthusiast (deciduous trees)
dries quickly
possibility of fierce bugs in the spring (low spots collect water)
granite
some climbs have bolted anchors and convenient trees -- others require longer slings.
is divided into 5 separate areas -- the burger boulder, ship's prow, the playground, the rusty piton block, and the overlook.

One recipe for organizing a descriptive paragraph is to divide the whole into smaller elements. The first part of such a paragraph should define the whole, indicate the number of elements and their names, and define the relationship between the elements. My first draft starts out:

Rattlesnake Rock is a *collection* of *cliffs* nestled along a southfacing ridgeline high in the Blue Hills Reservation.

I follow my own directions and fuss with word choice:

Rattlesnake Rock is a string of five granite outcrops nestled along a southfacing ridgeline high in the Blue Hills Reservation: The Burger Boulder, Ship's Prow, The Playground, The Rusty Python Block, and The Overlook.

And move on to the listing of areas. If possible, I try to use parallel structure for each element and connect the elements as advertised at the start of the paragraph (physical location in this example):

Approaching from the Shea Rink parking area, The Burger Boulder is the closest formation, offering short, difficult, overhung climbs in a wooded setting only a few dozen yards from Waumpocket Road. 50 yards further in from the road, Ships Prow, the area's tallest formation, juts up out of the trees, providing sunny, clean, white face climbing. No trail directly connects Ship's Prow to The Playground, which is another 100 yards back from the road, so it is best to ***this is a dead end***. 100 yards further in and quite close to the aqueduct berm, The Playground presents its steep, angular jumble of dark shattered rock. The difficult overhanging faces here are typically separated by more moderate corner systems. At the left end of The Playground, the many variations on The Rusty Python Block offer *offer* some of the Boston area's finest 5.9 climbing. The final outcrop, The Overlook, provides a mixture of slab and overhangs that corresponds to the mixture of easy and difficult climbs. As the name implies, the view from the top should not be overlooked.

I'll clean that last big bit up before moving on to the conclusion. I see I've started with a dangling modifier, repeated some words too often. And I have to question my sense of humor in the last line.

The Burger Boulder, the closest formation, offers short, difficult, overhung climbs in a wooded setting only a few dozen yards from Waumpocket Road. 50 yards further in from the road, Ships Prow, the area's tallest formation, rises above the trees, providing sunny, clean, white face climbing. 100 yards further from the road and quite close to the aqueduct berm, The Playground presents its steep, angular jumble of dark shattered rock where moderate corner systems separate the difficult overhanging faces. At the left end of The Playground, some of Boston's finest 5.9 climbing can be found in the many variations on The Rusty Python Block. The final outcrop, The Overlook, provides a mixture of slab and overhangs that corresponds to the mixture of easy and difficult climbs.

If I were timid, I might end the paragraph now, but doing so would leave the reader with only the last list element as closure. My goal is to somehow pull all the elements back together again. I take a glance at the original list of information to see what I have yet to include, and I consider the overall impression I would like to leave my reader with. And write the following:

sunny = year round climbing,
ideal for parties of mixed abilities,
and ambiance of being alone in the woods

The many separate outcrops at Rattlesnake Rock make it possible to feel alone in the woods, even on a crowded weekend. The tremendous variety of climb types and difficulties make the area ideal for parties of mixed abilities, especially in the 5.6 and 5.9 grades. Rattlesnake dries quickly after a rain, and the southern exposure makes climbing possible all year long.

Putting it all together:

Rattlesnake Rock is a string of five granite outcrops situated along a south facing ridgeline high in the Blue Hills Reservation. Only a few dozen yards from the intersection of Wampautuk Road and the aqueduct berm, The Burger Boulder, offers short, difficult, overhung climbs in a wooded setting. 50 yards further in from the road, Ships Prow, the area's tallest formation, rises above the trees, providing sunny, clean, white face climbing. Another 100 yards further in from the road and quite close to the aqueduct berm, The Playground presents its steep, angular jumble of dark shattered rock where moderate corner systems separate the difficult overhanging faces. At the left end of The Playground, some of the Boston area's finest 5.9 climbing can be found in the many variations on The Rusty Python Block. The final outcrop, The Overlook, provides a mixture of slab and overhangs that corresponds to the mixture of easy and difficult climbs. The tremendous variety of climb types and difficulties make the area ideal for parties of mixed abilities, especially in the 5.6 and 5.9 grades. The many separate outcrops at Rattlesnake Rock make it possible to feel alone in the woods, even on a crowded weekend.

This paragraph could still use some polish. An extra comma in the third sentence should be removed, and the connection of the final two sentences needs to be made explicit. While not perfect, the draft could be the final draft if I run out of time.

While the items on this list have grouped themselves into three rough categories, the list elements are not nearly as easy to connect as the outcrops in the previous version.

Rattlesnake Rock is a string of granite cliffs situated along a ridgeline high in the Blue Hills Reservation. The separate outcrops with excellent views of forested hills combine with 20 minute wooded approach hike to provide the ambiance of being alone in the woods, even on a crowded weekend. Rattlesnake is an especially popular destination during the early spring and late fall because the southern exposure and speed with which the cliffs dry.

I see that I want to make a connection out of "popular," so I'll have to rearrange the sentences and some of the sentence order.

Rattlesnake Rock is a string of 40 foot tall, granite cliffs situated along a ridgeline high in the Blue Hills Reservation. The southern exposure and speed with which the rock dries make Rattlesnake an early spring and late fall destination. The separate outcrops with their excellent views of forested hills combine with the 20 minute approach hike to provide the ambiance of being alone in the woods, even on a crowded weekend. Rattlesnake's popularity is due to the density and variety of climbs. Overhanging jug fests, delicate faces, crack climbs, and a token classic off-width or two offer a fine sampling of climbing techniques. Difficulty ratings range from 5.1 to difficult 5.11, with emphasis on 5.6 and 5.9, and many climbs have many distinct variations, an ideal situation for parties of mixed abilities and the aspiring beginner or intermediate. While some climbs can be lead, toproping is the norm. With enough sling, convenient anchors can always be rigged from trees; a light rack can improve some anchors.

Now I'm stuck trying to write the conclusion. Once again, I could just stop writing now, just leave the idea in the middle of a detail without pulling all the detail back together again. I consider what conclusion I might come to and how I might connect the conclusion to the end. I can come up with a simplistic summary with relative ease:

In conclusion, Rattlesnake is a great place to climb.

UGH. Further thought gives me both a connection and a conclusion: I can move from beginner or intermediate to "something for everyone."

Rattlesnake Rock is a string of 40 foot tall, granite cliffs situated along a ridgeline high in the Blue Hills Reservation. The southern exposure and speed with which the rock dries make Rattlesnake an early spring and late fall destination. The separate outcrops with their excellent views of forested hills combine with the 20 minute approach hike to provide the ambiance of being alone in the woods, even on a crowded weekend. Rattlesnake's popularity is due to the density and variety of climbs. Overhanging jug fests, delicate faces, crack climbs, and a token classic off-width or two offer a fine sampling of climbing techniques. While some climbs can be lead, toproping is the norm. With enough sling, convenient anchors can always be rigged from trees; a light rack can improve some anchors. Ratings range from 5.1 to difficult 5.11, with emphasis on 5.6 and 5.9, and many climbs have many distinct variations, an ideal situation for parties of mixed abilities and the aspiring beginner or intermediate. The richness of climbing opportunities at Rattlesnake provide something new for everyone, again and again.

Now I have a two versions suitable for submission to the editor; until I hear back, I'm done.

Let me reiterate the lessons that might be found in this palimsest:

1. What is written initially may well get fully discarded.
2. Movement from informal brainstorming and outlining to a paragraph.
3. Information can be presented and structured in many ways.
4. Documents grow by addition, deletion, and rearranging.
5. Drafts can provide structural insight that is unavailable at the outset.
6. Attention to fitting elements together leads to coherence.

For context, the full HTML document can be found at:
http://web.mit.edu/21w783/projects/br/rattlesnake/Rattlesnake.html

author = custer@mit.edu = Dave Custer
location = http://web.mit.edu/21w783/projects/lf/rattlesnake.html