The Canonical List of Outrageous Country/Western Song Titles/Lines

• "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?"
• "Don't Cry On My Shoulders Cause Your Rustin' My Spurs"
• "Drop-Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goal Posts Of Life."
• "Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares."
• "How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?"
• "How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?"
• "I Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral."
• "I Can't Love Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It"
• "I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling."
• "I Fell In A Pile Of You, And Got Love All Over Me"
• "I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart."
• "I Meant Every Word That He Said"
• "I Wanna Whip Your Cow"
• "I Would Have Writ You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yecch!"
• "I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win"
• "I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy."
• "I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home."
• "I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life."
• "I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here"
• "I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat"
• "I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back In My Bed 'n' Cryin' Over You."
• "If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You"
• "If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?"
• "If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?"
• "If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low"
• "If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will"
• "It Takes Me All Night Long To Do, What I Used To Do, All Night Long"
• "Learning To Live Again Is Killing Me."
• "May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose"
• "My Every Day Silver Is Plastic"
• "My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus"
• "My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him"
• "Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears, And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You."
• "Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way"
• "Please Bypass This Heart"
• "She Got The Gold Mine, And I Got The Shaft"
• "She Got The Ring, I Got The Finger."
• "She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty"
• "She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without."
• "Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone"
• "There Ain't No Waste In My Baby's Love Canal"
• "They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out."
• "When The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me."
• "You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play."
• "You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd"
• "You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat."
• "You're Ruining My Bad Reputation."
• "You're The Reason Our Baby's So Ugly"