In ``Saint Valentine's'' VooDoo

• Te Story of the Little Red Hen --- A fable by G.L. Dryfoos, the illegitimate child of Ayn Rand and George Orwell.

• The Snap Dragon Chronicles --- Rapidograph madness from Henry Chiu.

• Crimewatch --- MIT Campus Police Log from Hani Sallum.

• Myriad --- More (or less) flotsam from the twisted minds of Cherry Ogata.

• Malnutrition --- Raluca Barbulescu's vision of the world. Truly a sight to behold.

• Guide to the Essentials of Organic Chem-Mystery --- Yep, that's what it is. By Wan-Ying Chee.

• I Laughed, I Cried, I Projectile Vomited --- A second opinion of the 1993 Ig Nobel Prizes.

• One Night, Part V --- Coffee... Goddamn. WILL SOMEONE GET ME SOME COFFEE?

• Gilbert and his Doll --- Max Lord proves he is more alternative than you.

• Slug-Bunny --- A stunning period piece by Jennie López.

• Eight Bits for a Night of Pain --- Jason shows that violence is the only solution.

• Random Memoranda --- A day in the life of John Dzenitis.

• Beyond Maximum Horror, Part II --- Marauding infants and more from Pete Finkelstein.

• How Many Stupid Ways Are There to Kill Yourself? --- Well, what are you waiting for? By the nihilistic Kai Chiang.

• Letters to the Editor --- Our readers live to regret writing to us.

• Bathroom Evaluation Guide --- Please return it.

• Raging Dave --- If you know who Dave really is, please call the office.

Phos