Act I ANNOUNCER:
From the producers of the MITV's, SINGLED OUT, comes the ultimate alternative
to the single life....here's the new hit show... WEDDED OUT!!! (all cheer)
Here are your hosts, JENNY TRAN (Jenny T. cheers, bounces around, etc.)...
and JENNY NGUYEN !!! (Jenny N. cheers, jumps, etc.)
EVERYONE: cheer, shout, clap, etc.
JENNY NGUYEN: Yeah, we're your hosts, Jenny and Jenny! Yay! OK, well, let's get this wedding party started! JENNY T: So here's how this game works...we have a lovely bride-in-waiting who gets to chose one of these dashing bachelors to be her groom! And all this happens in a matter of two exciting rounds! Yay! The lucky couple will win an all-expense paid wedding cruise for 500 of their closest relatives, an exciting karoake reception, and a whole stuffed pig! Alright! JENNY N: Tonight, our lucky bride waiting to be WEDDED OUT is
Van Le. Van is a senior at MIT majoring in psychology. Her
hobbies include cooking, sewing, pleasing her family, and training to be
a good wife in general. Here to help her choose a husband is her
mother. Van, why don't you tell us a little about yourself? MOTHER: (grabs microphone) Van is very excited to be here. She is looking for a nice, handsome, intelligent, tho^ng minh, -da\n hoa\ng, Vietnamese boy with preferably 6-10 years of postgraduate education and good credit. JENNY T: OK, thank you Mom! Yay! And now it's time to meet our 3 bachelors. We searched the country for the 3 most eligible Vietnamese bachelors we could find...and here they are!! Woo hoo! (everyone cheers) Hellooo Bachelor #1 (flirting)... THANG: Wassup Jenny... JENNY T: Our 1st bachelor is Thang Vo-Ta. Thang, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?. THANG: Well, I play ball for UCLA. WESTSIDE IN DA HOUSE!!! , And my name is actually pronounced THANG VODAH. You know, THANG as in G-Thang, Groove-Thang, WILD-THANG. But my brothas just call me VODAH. JENNY T: Oh, you mean your fraternity brothers? What does ATO stand for anyways? THANG: Jyup. A-T-O. Asian Take Over. ASIANZ IN DA HOUSE!!! I wanna give a shout-out to all my brothas back home, my mom-HI MOM!, and my girl-YOU THE ONE FO ME BABY! YOU THE ONE FO ME! JENNY T: Wait... you have a girlfriend? THANG: Oops, did I say that? Naaa, I was jus' kiddin'. Come on Jenny, why you gotta play me like dat? JENNY N: (clearing throat) OK! Now let's meet our next bachelor! Hello Bachelor #2! TAN: "ring ring ring"....Hold on a sec...(talk into cell phone) What? He did WHAT? Oh, now I'm pissed. OK, take care of him....I don't care, just sack him and throw him in the river or something...look, I gotta go....(to Jenny) Sorry about that Jenny! JENNY N: Ummm...no problem I guess...Anyways, it says here that you are in your 8th year at BU....wait, so does that mean you're like getting a Ph.D. or something? TAN: Actually, I'm what is commonly referred to as a `5th Year
Senior'. I'm getting my B.A., but all of my business commitments
and extracurricular activities have slowed down the process a little. JENNY N: Oh really? Like what? TAN: Club Nicole, Joy, Avalon, M-80... the occasional VSA dance. I also spend a great deal of time chain smoking,wearing black, and driving my BMW up and down Comm Ave. JENNY N: Oh...so like what are your plans after your long-awaited graduation? TAN: Oh, I'll go back to Vietnam to find a wife or two, live off my parents, and run some sort of business or scam. JENNY T: OK! And finally, here's Bachelor #3. Hi! Well...it says here that you have an engineering degree from Stanford, a law degree from Yale, and are currently in the Harvard-MIT MD/Ph.D program....wow! What are you gonna do with all your degrees? LONG: Well Jenny, I haven't given much thought to that yet. My main concern is making all of my parents' friends' kids look like losers. It's what I'm good at. Whatever I do, I just need to have the title Dr. JENNY N: Hmmm....Well, now that we have met the studly bachelors, let's get busy! Yeah! Van, you can now begin the first round of questions! VAN: OK...um hi.... (mother grabs microphone) MOTHER: Van, let me ask...me. knows best...why don't you go fix some tra\ for our guests? VAN: Da. (goes to get tea) MOTHER: Bachelor #1, why are you not pre-med? THANG: Huh? What kind of question is that? MOTHER: Answer! THANG: Uhh...cuz I love basketball! I'm gonna go pro someday, then retire at 28 and coach. MOTHER: Wrong! It is because you are good for nothing...khu\ng
-die^n...tha(\ng khi? !
TAN: Well, like I said, I basically live off of my parents, but I'm also a `businessman'... MOTHER: Ma^/t gia.y...ca/i tha(\ng ho^?n!....
LONG: Da. thu'a Ba/c, I am looking for the very same qualities. (cheesy smile) MOTHER: Very good! VAN: (entering with tray of tea) Mother! What are you doing? It's my life! MOTHER: Cha! I am your mother! If you didn't have me to force you to study 12 hours a day ever since kindergarten, take piano and violin lessons since you were 3, and shelter you from the rest of society, you would be out on the street doing drugs, getting arrested, and who knows what else?! And now you talk to me this way? Oh tro'\i o'i! What have I done to be cursed with such a disrespectful daughter?! JENNY T: Um, and now it's time to move on to our 2nd round, the final round of tonight's show! Yeah! What makes this round ultra-exciting is that every answer has to be in the form of a song and/or dance! Woo hoo! (everyone cheers) VAN: (grabbing microphone) Bachelor #2, you seem to be very sociable. How do you usually meet women?
VAN: Very..um...hopeful. Bachelor #3, what is your idea of a dream date? LONG: (cha cha cha music comes on, Long says to Mother) May I?
VAN: Ugh, how boring! Last, but certainly not least, (flirting)
Bachelor #1, I like long romantic walks on the beach, candlelit dinners,
and noble chivelrous men who can defend their women. What do you
like to do in your free time? THANG: ummm.......(music comes on, Thang starts dancing...everyone joins in and parties....Thang starts flexing...) JENNY N: OK Van, now that you've learned everything you want to know about your potential husbands, it's time to choose! So who's the lucky guy? VAN: Um, um.... MOTHER: Van chooses Long! (holds their hands in the air...everyone cheers but Van) JENNY N: Well Van it looks like your choice is made! May you live in perfect marital bliss! That's all for tonight folks! JENNY T: Van and Long are now off to their grand wedding cruise. For you single people out there, remember....when all else fails, you can always be... TOGETHER: WEDDED OUT!!! (everyone cheers and goes off stage) Act IILONG: Come on Van, dance with me! VAN: I don't wanna! LONG: You will be my wife and you will do as I say! MOTHER: Yes Van, do as your nice fiance says! VAN: If you'll excuse me, I'll be out on the dock devising a plan to sabotage this wedding! LONG: Well, don't be too long! MOTHER: And put on a warm jacket! You'll catch a cold out
there!
VAN: What do you want?? THANG: You jump, I eh... Don't jump. Uh...I got something to show you.. VAN: What?! THANG: Umm...uhhhh....oh yeah.....THIS! (holds her arms out) VAN: Oh! I feel like I'm flying! Wow! THANG: Cool, huh? Hey, you wanna go chill in my Jeep while I draw your picture? VAN: OK! *** CRASH *** EVERYONE: chaos, running, screaming, swimming, etc. THANG: Oh no! I think bad something happened! VAN: The ship crashed and it's gonna sink! We have to jump now! (both jump & scream) THANG: (swimming) Van, you have to live so you can tell
your grandkids about this....
VAN: OK! I'll never forget you! THANG: (romantically) Van... VAN: Yes?..... THANG: Save my beer! Arghhh... (Celine Dion song comes on, Jennies walk through the couple...Thang
screams as he drowns....Jennies lip sync and imitate Celine... Mother comes
down and kicks Thang on the ground)
|
