Nadja and I decided to bike to Salem on Sunday. We finally hit the road at 3pm, and rode through the beautiful outskirts of Boston. Along the way, we were treated to spectacular views of power plants, large sewage systems, run-down neighborhoods, and decrepit highways. Upon arriving in Salem, we discovered that the town is not only a tourist mecca, but it also serves as a magnet for ghost-busters, witch-hunters, "paranormal investigators," and straight-up weirdos and freaks. The Salem witch-hunt of the late 1600's has always fascinated me. What I didn't know was that ergot tainted-rye is now being investigate as the cause of the girls' trances and seizure-like episodes. Ergot alkaloids, including LSA (lysergic acid), is what LSD is synthesized from. The bottom line is that the new hypothesis posits that the girls were tripping. Interesting, but I don't know if I buy it.

After a delicious dinner along the water, we bought tickets for the "Spellbound" night tour of Salem. Led by a licensed paranormal investigator, it promised to show us ghosts, orbs, and spirits. Instead, our guide (a young man dressed in black), took us to a cemetary, a restaurant, and an old, deserted jail. He told us to take pictures of certain places, using a flash, on the off-chance that an "orb" or spirit might be captured on camera. A white circular ball of light did show up on some people's photos - in a very different way than a flash usually reflects light. I don't think the white ball of light was an orb - it was obviously some light-trick - but if anyone knows under exactly what condition light can show up as a focused ball of light, please let me know.

The only part of the tour worth my $10 was the amusing manner in which the local townspeople dissed our ghost-busting tour guide.

"Hey, freak!" "Wanna hunt some ghosts in the bar, asshole?!" "Ooooh, spooky... "

He bravely ignored the deragatory comments directed his way, and proceeded to tell us about blood-sucking vampires. Obviously a freak in high school, I figured that for local Salem-ites to STILL be mocking our guide, he must be shitloads of fun to ridicule. Kind of like Canadians.

Biking back at night on the side of the highway in Wonderland, I felt a slight jolt of something - enlightenment, perhaps? Sadly, it was just my front wheel colliding with a smashed bottle of Bud light.

Thus, for the second time that weekend (Walden was the first), my hopes of discovering the deeper meaning of life were painfully crushed.