Orange Tour -------------------- (save for everyone) [In any one night, we won't go through all of these, but this selection is the traditional Orange Tour Story venue and provides a bit of flexibility.] ART at MIT Noland Wall Mint Square 3E, 1985, during Media Lab building construction. Anne ____, who lived on 3E, painted her room mint green ("blithe spirit"). Leftover paint was used to paint an extra mint square on the Media Lab's Noland Wall. Took weeks for Institute to notice & fix. Each time, the hackers repainted it again. Eventually had CP detail to guard the "lack of square" before building dedication. Artist mentioned the mint square in his blurb about the artwork. 1 -> 3 roll Storyteller for Mint Square at Orange Tours couldn't remember order. (Should be, black, red, yellow (left to right)). Hackers changed the order for Reg Day 1989 to yellow, black, red. Fake black square fell off, and it was yellow, red, red for the rest of the day. No Knife 3E, 1985. Snuck fake sculpture into the first ever art exhibit at the List Galleries in the Media Lab. Sculpture consisted of tray with plate, bowl, glass, fork, spoon & soup spoon glued to upside-down wastebasket. Inscription read: No Knife: A Study in Mixed Media Earth Tones, Number Three Realized by James Tetazoo, December 1984 The artist's mode d'emploi relies upon minimalist kinematic methods; space and time are frozen in a staid reality of restrained sexuality. Temporary occasionalism, soon overcome throughout by symbolic nihility, pervades our earliest perception of the work. An overturned throwaway obelisk functions as symbolic pedestal; the works rests upon a manifestation of grey toned absence. Epicurean imagery is employed most effectively by Tetazoo; the glass, the porcelain, the plastic move in conflicting directions and yet are joined in a mood of stark pacifism. The sterile lateralism of the grouped utensils (sans knife), conveys a sense of eternal ennui, framed within the subtle ambience of discrete putrefaction. The casual formalism of the place setting draws upon our common internal instinct of existential persistence to unify us with the greater consciousness of human bondage. U.S.S. Tetazoo 3E, 1979. Plastic aircraft carrier added to Hart Nautical Galleries exhibit. Description on 3x5 index card said: Constructed in 423 B.C. by the Phoenician Turtle King Shii-Dawg, the Tetazoo's keel was laid 4 years later in Damascus. During the Middle Ages she was put into drydock in Norfolk, Virginia until 1490 when she returned to Spain to show Christopher Colombo the route to the Americas under the new name "Ninny," later misspelled by Spanish hysterians. Running low on rum she detoured to Puerto Rico, where the wreck of the Santa Maria can be seen to this day. In the early 1800's she became a privateer under Sir Henry Flashman, C.A.P., C.I.A., C.O.D.. Lost to the Swiss Navy in fierce combat in the Inside Straits, she remained in their possession until 1905, when she was given to the U.S. Navy as spoils from the Russo-Japanese War. During WW II she served with distinction in the Atlantic, sinking 7 submarines, many of them enemy. Captained by James Tetazoo, Sr., she was named in his honor after he died while making a still from an old depth charge. To this day she serves with pride as the only (official) floating still in the U.S. Navy. Jack Florey Obnoxious frosh finally gets a date. As he's about to kiss his date in front of EC, people dump wet garbage on him. He asks "Who did that?" They answer "Jack Florey". Orange Tours To keep frosh from following the wrong people, they got orange coveralls/overalls and told frosh to follow the people in orange. CPs learned the same trick, so guides switched to black, which blends in better with MIT students. Fred the Dorm EC, Late 1980s. Dorm-wide referendum to change EC's official name to "Fred." Someone created a second referendum to change the EC Execcomm's official name to "The Gang of Assholes". "Fred" lost by a 2-1 margin, but "Gang of Assholes" won 4-1. Great Dome hacks phone booth THA, May, 1982. Phone booth stolen from Walker basement. Hackers covered it with a tarp and said it was a biology experiment that was light-sensitive, so they couldn't uncover it. Put it on great dome & wired to a professor's office. Lights came on and phone rang, but couldn't be answered. When CPs discovered, following conversation ensued: "Sarge, the kids put a phone booth on the dome." "Which dome, 7 or 10?" "10." "Well go take a look." A few minutes later, "Sarge, the phone is ringing. What should I do?" "Well why don't you answer it?!" Telegram sent by non-involved hacker to involved hacker saying "Congratulations on recent accomplishments. It was there when I needed it. Signed, Clark Kent" (Often claimed that teleram was sent to CP chief.) CP Car May 1994. Chevy Cavalier body painted to look like CP car with flashing light bar on great dome. Dummy dressed as CP inside with disc gun and box of Dunkin Donuts. Car, numbered "pi" had a pair of fuzzy dice, license number "IHTFP," MIT Campus Police parking ticket ("no permit for this location"), yellow diamond- shaped sign on the back window proclaiming "I break for donuts." Harvard Mole-Hole/Yard-Plate Mole Hole, 1990. New "tradition" established of having Harvard frosh search for silver plate hidden in Harvard Yard. MIT hackers found & stole plate and gave it to (MIT Pres.) Paul Gray, along with note of explanation. Gray donned full academic regalia and returned the plate to Harvard amid much pomp & circumstance. Graduation Nothing's Impossible 1983. First time in recent history commencement address was given by other than MIT President. Speaker was Helmut Schmidt, then Chancellor of West Germany. Security was tight, but hackers dropped banners from skylights over Killian Court steps that said "Nothing's Impossible". Hacker deploying "Impossible" banner thought he heard keys outside and panicked, dropping his banner several seconds before the "Nothing's" banner was slowly lowered. From the audience's point of view, as Schmidt was talking about the end of the cold war, the "Impossible" banner came down. A minute later, the "Nothing's" banner dropped to complete the thought. Jerry Simon $7,500, the big screw # punt this one? Giant penis hanging from EC along with banner saying "$7,500 -- The Big Shaft". Penis was supported by 16 cables, any one of which was sufficient to hold it. It took phys plant long enough to get it down that the press got pictures. Big Box (traditional finale) Big box made into monolith. "Also Sprach Zarathustra" (by Richard Strauss, better known as the theme from "2001:A Space Odyssey") played loudly out of stereos. People dressed in ape suits dancing around it. "Touch it! Evolve!" People from EC come out in their pajamas and join in. CPs get a call about loud party. Eventually show up. Frosh Joe Giaime gets caught pointing spotlight at monolith. Orange Tour (en route) -------------------- (tombs) What is a tomb? What are Sign-ins? (what sign-in's are not) No Toad Sexing (general hacking ethic intro?) Keshlam on signing-in: The purpose of "signing in" is to prove you were there. If it's not a place you're proud to have reached, there's no need. Your symbol is a mark of approval, and your taste will be judged by its use. Remember that if your mark is seen in too many places people will assume that if they don't see it, you weren't there. (pyramid) Note Location Boston Skyline Old Hancock Building weather poem: Steady blue, clear view. Flashing blue, clouds due. Steady red, rain ahead. Flashing red, snow instead. (flashing red during summer means Red Sox game rained out) Harvard Bridge why "Harvard" Bridge (Some stories claim it was because MIT engineers knew the bridge was badly built) smoots LCA, fall 1958. Pledges assigned to measure the bridge, using pledges as unit of length. Oliver Smoot chosen because he was the shortest. Brigde is 364.4 Smoots + 1 ear. LCA pledge class repaints Smoots twice a year. # punt the following paragraph? Bridge closed in 1983 for rebuilding; reopened 1988. Replaced entire deck on 1/2 of bridge, then other half. When the bridge was half done, the Smoot markings from the old half were marked on the new half, so the Smoot markings are in their original positions, even though nothing remains of the original bridge. Cops use Smoot markings to note accident locations, and whether they happened in Boston or Cambridge. People's Republic of Cambridge # punt? signs Placed along Harvard (and other) bridges. Stalling: tell Green Building Stories (below) (dome) Note Location CP Headquarters Champagne for the Chief THA, 1982. Bottle of Champagne and 2 candy bars left on CP Chief Oliveri's desk along with halloween card. The card had a $50 with a circle & slash, instructions to share the candy with his staff, and a P.S. reminding him to lock his window. Little dome and/or lobby 7 stories (see following) Save for Spelunkers' Tours -------------------------- Old bucket over the door hack w/ a twist (5E) Hacker sees bucket of water over his door. Goes around and into room via ledge. Pours water into sink. Hacker had removed sink's drain pipes. 5E frosh shower night Frosh gets showered (in his good shirt). Vows revenge on 4 upperclassmen who showered him. Ajax in light bulb, radiator on rope out of window & tied to doorknob, trash can full of water with no bottom, conductive paint on toilet seat. Barber Pole Hackers buy barber pole & get receipt. Walk around getting arrested until barber gets mad about being woken up repeatedly. APB goes out saying to leave kids with barber pole alone. Next morning Killian Court filled with barber poles. Trolley hacks trolley welded to tracks on Mass. Ave. greased rails coming into Kendall All Tech Men Carry Batteries Harvard/Yale game, 1948. Primer cord buried in field of Harvard Stadium spelling out MIT. Hackers show up in trenchcoats lined with batteries to ignite. Get caught. Try to claim "All Tech Men carry batteries for emergencies", but to no avail. Students wear trenchcoats lined with batteries all over campus next day as show of support. Story (falsely) claims dean went to Harvard in trenchcoat lined with batteries and got students out of trouble. MIT Researchers Discover 10th Planet Above headline hacked onto MIT Cable news briefs. Fake story dropped off at news office. Article runs in local papers. Back Bay evacuation # punt? "MIT will be testing a nuclear device." Explosives in Killian Court. Huge traffic jam leaving Back Bay. Bexley-FBI LSD being made in Bexley. FBI calls MIT president before raid. MIT pres. calls Bexley housemaster. FBI arrives to find "Welcome FBI" banner. Get to room and find it's empty except for milk & cookies. Charles I. Anderson (music) Co. Intelligence (central, artificial) signs outside elevator "Don't put the safe right there" (pointing at safe) tapping in missing door. Agents barge in and alarms go off. shredding read waves reconstruct documents unless double-shredded. CIA starts double-shredding documents. person in trenchcoat carrying guitar case goes in and asks to see Mr. Anderson about a job. "CIA Here" banner on floor above. (CIA was gone the next day.) (finale) Avian Behaviorial Conditioning Person in black & white striped shirt & black pants spreads seeds in Harvard Stadium every Saturday. At first football game, pigeons descend looking for seeds & stopping the game. Hacker was course 9 and used this as thesis data. Others (generally OK for fillers) -------------------- (please, don't tell if you cannot get the facts straight -- some are more visual, less amenable to story telling-->can point to IHTFP Gallery) Art at MIT Transparent Horizon buried in snow during blizzards in 1977-78. painted blue w/ fire extinguishers from 3E SS Ralphie At dedication of bldg. 66 (Ralph Landau Bldg.), anchor was dropped over side, bldg. was christened the SS Ralphie, and stereos at EC blasted "Anchors Aweigh". Great Wind (still there!) plaque outside bldg. 9 next to where Little Sail used to be (Mass. Ave. side) Housing2000 glass display case in student center turned into miniature dorm room Great Dome Mamma Maxima Scientia # punt? 1979. Hackers put a nipple on top of the Great Dome and a banner with this inscription. Cow (Hilltop) ATO, 1979 - Hackers stole a cow from Hilltop and put it on the dome. The cow made it back to Hilltop wearing a mortarboard and holding a diploma in its mouth. The Great Pumpkin (1962 & 1994) # punt? Home on the Dome # punt? 1986. THA & friends. Built clubhouse on Great Dome. Were caught. Some hackers went back to finish it. MCMXVI changed to IHTFP Just before Graduation 1995. Beanie Fall 1996. 50' propeller that turned in the wind, sections of red fabric making the dome look like a hat with alternating red and dome-colored sections. On the same morning, the Confined Space Rescue Team's truck was labeled "MIT Hack Removal Team.. It had icons for Entertainment and Hacking, Piano on the Dome, Smiley on the Sail, CP Car on the Dome, and IHTFP on Building 10 (all hacks the CSRT taken down). Hood of truck displayed HACK REMOVAL written backwards. Back of truck sported Hackbusters logo (modeled after Ghostbusters logo, but with animated Great Dome wearing a beanie) and "I BRAKE FOR HACKS" bumper sticker. Cathedral Seven stained glass windows equations in skylight plus Athena owl in center music (Toccata & Fugue in D minor, Gregorian chants) organ on 2nd floor (keyboard made from VT100 and Knight-TV keyboards. Keys arranged to spell out Nerd Pride, 37619* (the athena combo at the time), IHTFP, Our Lady of the All Night Tool, 3.14159 row of pews altar made from empty cable spool, with "marble" top and 4k core memory (ca. 1971) inlaid. Bottle of Jolt ("holy water"), flask and 8.01 textbook ("holy book") on altar. donation box made from shell of VT100 monitor gilded electronic equipment ("artifacts") on pedestals donut stand labeled "Holy Water" William Barton Rogers portrait labeled "Saint Rogers" "Our Lady of the All Night Tool" banner over entrance to infinite corridor commandments: 0x0 - I am Athena, thy Goddess. Thou shalt not have false gods before me. 0x1 - Thou shalt not take the name of OLC in vain. 0x2 - Thou shalt not eat at Lobdell. 0x3 - Thou shalt keep holy the hour of Star Trek. 0x4 - Honor thy professors, for they are the source of grades. 0x5 - Thou shalt not decrease entropy. (#5 because it's related to course V) 0x6 - Thou shalt not connect PWR to GND. (related to course VI) 0x7 - Thou shalt not sex toads. (related to course VII) 0x8 - Thou shalt not exceed the speed of light. (related to course VIII) 0x9 - Keep holy the month of IAP for it is a time of rest. 0xA - IHTFP 0xB - Thou shalt not sleep. 0xC - Thou shalt consume caffeine. 0xD - Thou shalt not take pass/fail in vain. 0xE - Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's HP. 0xF - Thou shalt not divide by zero. paintings on pillars Father Eliza confessional running on Apple ][+ Harvard thermite gates shut Brass rat on Johnny brass rat soldered around finger on statue of John Harvard Cast on Johnny # punt? 1990. After Harvard took a beating in that year's Harvard-Yale game. Included casts on leg & skull, neck brace, and "ask me about my lobotomy" pin. Harvard-Yale hacks: Deke balloon DKE, 1982. Weather balloon saying "MIT" and filled with talcum powder exploded during 3rd quarter of game. End zone banner # punt? ZBT, 1990. Banner saying "MIT" shot out of zero-yard-line and over goal post during 3rd quarter placards Red/white placards distributed, along with lists of which side each seat number should show. Claimed to say "Beat Yale". Actually said "MIT" Yale (MIT) Precision Marching Band Ran onto field dressed as Yale band. Lay down on field spelling out "MIT" Elevator + CPs -- Faraday's cage # punt Story claims elevator riders in Green building trapped CPs in elevator and they couldn't radio for help because their radios couldn't transmit out of the metal elevators. Undoubtedly false. # punt Geese Crossing sign changed to "Geeks Crossing" on Mem. Drive by Tang # punt "Kiss Me, I'm an Engineer" banner from Lobby 7 inside ledge (Valentine's Day 1995) Cow on EC roof. (1928) Hackers caught pulling up grass "for their cow". Because cows won't willingly go down stairs, police had to coax it down very slowly. Supposedly, no one in Mass. had reported a cow missing. Senior House Catapult used to launch air conditioners into president's yard. Postcard with picture of air conditioner or catapult used for blackmail afterwards. Sailboat in alumni pool (1960 & 1987) # punt Biohazard Cafe in lobby 10 (1996), poking fun at Bio Cafe. Free food included: clashed potatoes: orange mashed potatoes with biohazard & radiation stickers on container RNA (Ramen Noodle Appetizer) PCR (Peas, Catsup & Rotini) casserole "humongous fungus" pizza with portabella mushroom & "penicillin sauce" Luria Broth (soup du jour) Soylent Green Lab Mice on Rice Liquid Drano (in LD25 & LD50 sizes) Experimental subject release form that said that they waived all of their rights (without qualifiers) and that once they started participating in the experiment, they couldn't stop for any reason. Head of ARA at MIT stopped by booth in the afternoon and asked if ARA could use some of the ideas for the real Bio Cafe. # punt? Med. Center windows painted to look like stop light (Bizarro, 1988) Slide Rule (art/hairball) 1990. 1% for the arts policy meant MIT had to spend $75k on art for student center after renovation. Chose Mags Harries (who did bronzed gloves in Porter T station & bronze fruit in sidewalk at Haymarket). Sculpture concept was "Shaman's Cap", a hat with 4 radial points. The "hat" was going to be hanging over the stairs, and covered with real "processed" human hair. Hacks were: "N" placed on north point to make it look like a compass "Acme Road Runner Trap" sign placed under it with bowl of birdseed hack signs based on the real ones (E.g., "Why a Shamans' Hat" became "Why Not Feces?") clear plexiglass slide rule put up in same space when model of sculpture was taken down Disappearing president's office (bulletin board) 1990. MIT had been putting up new bulletin boards. For Vest's first day on the job, his office door was hidden by a bulletin board. VP Constantine Simonides got in first (around 6am), and thought (after 30 years of doing it right) he was on the wrong floor. He removed the bulletin board, but it was put back for Vest. # punt? Univ. of Michigan at Cambridge banner (1991) Because Vest came from UMich, a banner in UMich colors saying "University of Michigan at Cambridge" was hung from the 5th floor of the Student Center during Vest's inauguration reception (held in Kresge Oval). Fire hose drinking fountain 1991. Based on Pres. Jerome Wiesner's quote, "Getting an MIT education is like trying to sip from a fire hose." Hackers hooked a hydrant & fire hose to a drinking fountain in lobby 16. Fire hydrant was obtained legally from Waltham DPW. Hacker stored it under his bed. - "In case there's a fire." - "I'm thinking of getting a dog." - "So I can reserve a good parking place on Mem. Drive. Hydrant crew were stopped by Cambridge Police on Mem Drive. They took down its serial number, "in case one turned up stolen." ("Good thing they didn't notice the geyser on Mass. Ave.") CPs were called in and asked, "This isn't for some hack, is it?" Fountain crew had a CP show up who asked what they were doing. (Truthfully) "It's leaking and we're fixing it." CP asked "Do you boys work for Physical Plant?" Hacker replied "yes". CP sat & watched, then called PP who removed guts from hydrant. Fountain crew obtained spare parts and re-hacked fountain. Hydrant crew brought hydrant, and everything was hooked up. # punt? Hacking Series Committee calendar (1993) identical in format to real LSC calendar, but with scheduled & classic "hacks" "Deactivated" banner on bldg. 20 (1998) Wile E. Coyote mural in Bldg. 9 (still there!) 1998? On 3rd floor of 9 heading into 7. (Was entrance to bldg. 7 until Rotch Library expansion caused it to be walled off.) ARAMark Monopoly board in Lobdell (1998) Ceci n'est pas une hack (2000) Went up just after radio report said "The dome is clear of hacks." Frosh picnic/picture/convocation (There's a trend here -- it's neat if you can tell the whole batch and point out how the 'tute kept changing things to avoid being hacked ...and the hackers kept adapting to the new opportunities presented.) Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here (3E, 1975) Welcome to Hahvahd - Hackito Ergo Sum 3E, 1977 For the love of god, Montressor ... Hackito Ergo Sum (3E, 1979) Cambridge Tool Co. (ORK, 1979) An MIT Education is like a drink from a fire hose... You get Hosed, your parents get $oaked... (THA, 1983) R/O Center Baggage Sale - Stereos, clothing, computers ... (ORK, 1983) Phantom of the Kresge Organ Bexley, 1986 - R/O welcoming speeches were given in Kresge to make them harder to hack. The organ started playing Toccata & Fugue in D Minor. Organ keyboard was wired to electronic keyboard elsewhere in Kresge, so when the CPs went up to see who was playing, there was nobody there. 1994 Superballs 1990. 1,994 superballs and banner saying "Smile" dropped onto class of '94 as they were getting into place for freshman picture. GAG Banner, rush "events" in Daily Confusion, etc. Cannibals at MIT 1993. For Freshman Dinners (upperclassmen take frosh to their favorite restaurant), set up large cauldron and tables & chairs on Kresge Oval. Stole a "frosh" and started "cooking" him in the cauldron. Soccer-ballon at picnic (1994) large balloon shaped like a soccer ball saying "MIT" and "IHTFP" inflated in gravel pit during picnic. Entertainment and Hacking (1994) Inscription actually reads "Established for Advancement and Development of Science its Application to Industry the Arts Agriculture and Commerce. Charter MDCCCLXI." Hackers changed "Agriculture and Commerce" to "Entertainment and Hacking", using painted carved styrofoam. Put up "wet floor" signs to keep people from walking under. Phys plant worker who was going to mop floor saw signs and called supervisor. Supervisor saw hackers putting up hack and called CPs. Deployment finished just in time. CPs didn't figure out what the hack was. Person went to CP HQ to drop off safety/ removal instructions, saying "some people wearing black told me to give you this." Phys plant built scaffolding to try to get to hack, but it was too wobbly. Finally, confined space rescue team "rescued" hack in place of their normally scheduled practice. Monolith on Killian Court during Freshman Picture - Hackers put up a 2001-like monolith for the class of 2001's freshman picture. Green Building greenspeak Oscar statue for Good Will Hunting many others "Green Building Linear Gravitational Accelerator" Happy Raydome (THA, 1982) Staute of Liberty July 4, 1986. Put spikes suggesting "crown" on radome, and tarp suggesting torch on crow's nest. Hack went up successfully. Hackers were caught removing it. After telling CPs they only wanted to make sure it was taken down safely, the sergeant said "Miss Liberty looked real good up there. Get your stuff and get out of here." and let hackers go. VU-Meter for July 4 Esplanade concert (1993) Slits on 19th floor wired with bright red lights. Lights hooked to radio broadcast on local classical station to make a digital VU meter for the pops concert. (Before concert, meter moved in other patterns, including IHTFP in morse code, Graduation Al Gore Buzzword Bingo 1996. Bingo cards with buzzwords and instructions handed to graduates. (Idea came from Dilbert comic and from course 6 class.) At one point, audience cheered and Gore asked, "Did I just say a buzzword?" Little Dome Kilroy (MacGregor, 1972) Snowman (1986) Contents Vnder Pressvre (1993) X-mas lights & presents (1990) Menorah (1993) Witch's hat (1993) inside: Bat, smiley, etc. Lobby 7: die hack # punt? ORK, 1986. Building Technology Group put cubical structure 5m on a side in Lobby 7 to demonstrate the materials to be used in a proposed US space station. ORK turned the structure into a giant 6-sided die by covering it with appropriately painted fabric. pink + green ping-pong balls # punt THA, 1983. 1600 ping & green ping-pong balls dropped into Lobby 7 from skylight over a period of about 2.5 minutes. spider web in Lobby 7 # punt? Hallowe'en 1987. Web at 2nd floor level covering all of Lobby 7. Spider in the middle. "Flies" trapped in web each labeled with name of a dean who worked under Shirley McBay who either resigned or was forced out because of her. Star Trek USS Enterprise in Lobby 7 Fall 1989 when William Shatner was lecturing. reversal # punt? 1988 - Every movable object moved to its mirror-image location. live statue # punt? 1979 - person with viking helmet & spear on pedestal. beer shrine # punt imitation of cathedral, done on a beer theme smurfs # punt? 1990 - Smurfs theme song playing in Lobby 7 at regular intervals. gargoyles 1997 - 4 gargoyles placed in corners on ledge over lobby 7. Beaver, Dilbert and 2 more tradidional ones. Jolt can (1995) # punt? Infinite Corridor: Mass Toolpike THA, 1986. Decorated inf. corridor with double yellow line, highway signs, and car in lobby 10. The signs read: Bldg. floorbracket pi floorbracket with arrow (bldg. 3/7 intersection) Bldg. sqrt(49) with arrow (bldg. 3/7 intersection) Bldg. XI with arrow (bldg. 3/7 intersection) Great Dome with upward arrow (over bldg. 10 elevator) Rotary Ahead (the rotary was a kiosk at the bldg. 4/Infinite corridor intersection) Stop, Pay Toll (Eastbound, before the cashier's office) Students $16k (Eastbound, before the cashier's office) Toolpike Ends --- 360 Units Massachvsetts Toolpike / Toll $16,000 (Lobby 7 Eastbound, at the beginning of the Infinite Corridor) Exit 77 -- Real World (Westbound, just before Lobby 7) Gnurd-ville, Next N Exits (Westbound, before Bldg. 12) Dead End (over the Fishbowl Athena cluster) Speed Limit 3 x 10^10 c.g.s. Yield (on the kiosk "rotary") Do Not Enter (over the Admissions Office) Stop sign (Lobby 10) infinity = 47.2 rods # punt? 1997. Banner in lobby 7 proclaiming inf. corridor is 47.2 rods long, so infinity = 47.2 rods. "Mileposts" placed along corridor with rod markings. Signs that read: Length of Infinite Corridor: 246,344,665 Gallons/Acre Length of Infinite Corridor: 655,633.4 Points Length of Infinite Corridor: 447.918 Farad-Ohm-Knots Length of Infinite Corridor: 214,935,769 BTU/Hectare atm Length of Infinite Corridor: 96,675.13 Calories/Smoot2 inHg One can never go outside of an infinite space, therefore it is impossible to leave M.I.T. The Harvard Bridge is approximately 120 rods across, so one must travel 2.5 times an infinite distance to walk across it. This might explain the attendance records of people from some of the ILGs across the river. East Campus and West Campus dorms are separated by an infinite distance. This means that people from East and West campus can't socialize with each other. Empirical data supports this conclusion. In order to reach Harvard starting from the center of the universe (Lobby 10), one must travel an infinite distance over 13 times! Since everything is within the universe, it is impossible to reach Harvard and therefore there can be no life there. The speed of light has been proven to be finite. Since something moving at finite speed can never escape infinite space, light cannot escape from M.I.T. This explains why so many M.I.T. students appear to be wearing black. Since the corridor is infinitely long and of nonzero width, its area must also be infinite. The average number of people per unit area is functionally zero. This proves that you will never see another person in the corridor, unless, perhaps, you haven't slept in a long time. It takes the average student three minutes to walk from Lobby 7 to Lobby 8, down the infinite corridor. Since half of an infinite distance is the same length as an infinite distance, it would take two minutes to walk from Lobby 7 to Lobby 10, and another two minutes to walk half the remaining distance, and so on. It is therefore impossible to reach the eastern end of the corridor. When travelling down the Infinite Corridor, one travels an infinite distance in a finite time. One is therefore going very fast, and time dilation will be significant. In fact, for each day experienced by an M.I.T. student, 65,536 years will go by for the outside world. Therefore, M.I.T. students can sleep only once every 65,536 years. The Infinite Corridor will fit an infinite number of monkeys and their Athena workstations. These monkeys could write any conceivable paper. Here at M.I.T., we call them Graduate Students. An M.I.T. student can rollerblade down the Infinite Corridor, an infinite distance, in about a minute. This is faster than the Enterprise at Warp 10! The infinite corridor has an infinite volume, and therefore if all the air in the universe were in it, it would still be at a lower pressure than atmospheric. This explains why M.I.T. sucks. Inferno # punt? 1987 - decorated inf. corridor to look like circles of Hell from Dante's Inferno. Banner with inscription on gates of Hell over entrance to inf. corridor. Each "circle" marked with circle on floor and sign describing it. Circles were: 1. Limbo: Graduate Admissions Office 2. Lust: MIT/Wellesley Exchange Office 3. Gluttony: Lobby 7 Donut Stand 4. Greed: Cashier's Office 5. Wrathful & Sullen: Committee on Academic Performance 6. Heretics: Undergraduate Academic Support Office (Heretics are those whose sins are not universal, but go against Church (Institute) doctrine. I.e., the UASO's purpose is to actually *help* people 7. Violence: One of the walls in Lobby 10 that doesn't yet have any names inscribed in it 8. Fraud: 3-121 (Door with room number but nonexistent room that was next to fishbowl. Door was removed to create Student Services office.) 9. Traitors: Dean McBay's office $10K Bill (Cashier's Office) 1993. $1 mural changed to $10,000 bill in time for announcement of that year's tuition hike. Nerd Xing sign (1987) Classes: Hartley Rogers (18.02) sword fight (November 1981): Fencer burst into an 18.02 lecture at about 2:35pm, dressed in black, and wearing a black stetson hat. He yelled: Beware the bane of Hartley Rodgers Forcing voice and whithered codgers. Add, subtract, and integrate, Excitement's blade shall seal thy fate! 2nd fencer burst in wearing his (white) fencing outfit and yelled, "Thou shalt not have him, varlot!" They "fought" down the right side of 26-100 and across the stage. Fencer in black leapt on the desk and started menacing Rodgers. Fencer in white followed and pushed him off. They then fought up the left aisle. Fencer in white finally yelled, "Back! There'll be no excitement here!" As fencer in black left, he shouted "Curses. Foiled again." Hack was supposedly repeated for August Witt (3.091 professor), who asked to defend his own honor. Witt was reportedly the Austrian national fencing champion, and defeated the "bad guy" easily. playboy problem set # punt airplanes at instructor (5E, 1985) fake 8.01 problem set described making of a paper airplane and said to launch assignment at instructor when the clock read 11:15am a toast to 8.012 (???) # punt remote control chalkboard in 10-250 Done at least once to Prof. Rota in 18.03 (Fall 1984). unified jet engine (1987) turbojet engine engine moved into Unified lecture hall Computer/Athena: # punt? "Hit Any Key to Start" changed to "Hit Any Key and Pray" (ca. 1987) Grumpy Fuzzball (1989) Athena owl changed to Grumpy Fuzzball on all public Athena workstations. W20 Elements (1993) machine names in Student Center cluster changed to names of elements. (w20-575-1 became w20-575-hydrogen). "You must be at least this smart to use Athena workstations." (1996) - No Trespassing signs on Athena clusters changed to picture depicting a bell curve with several points labeled. bottom 5% - urchins who log in as root somewhere below midpoint - average Harvard student midpoint - average B.U. student somewhere above midpoint - average CalTech student top 5% - below average M.I.T. student "Disney to Acquire MIT for $6.9 Billion" MIT home page changed to include "spotlight" article with above title. Appropriate article written and inserted for people who followed link. Dormline: (Note: before the phone system was upgraded in the late 1980s, there used to be a recording that would come on the line whenever an outside call came into a dormline phone saying, "This is MIT. Collect and third-number calls will not be accepted at this number.") Sport Death censored When the dean's office refused to let Senior House put a house picture that included the Sport Death banner in the freshman picture book, the message became "This is MIT, where the phrase 'sport death' has been censored by the dean's office. The dormline workers all called in sick the next day. Burton House--Baker House Call Burton desk, put call on hold and call Baker desk. Conference calls together and listen. on-the-air phone drop # punt A phone was dropped off the Senior House roof while the phone was called up to WMBR radio and on the air. (while a few hackers seem to find the story about ringing all the phones on a floor at 120VAC amusing, I'd perfer that be forgotten 1) No one has the facts straight 2) It's more a story about destruction than amusement) E15: "Push core for new roll" banner on media lab sculpture (1988?) Pei Toilet (1994) Toilet stall placed over disguised exit from E15. Toilet accepted MIT Card for payment and was filled with appropriate graffiti. Beast crossword # punt 2E, 1986 - made tiles on media lab into crossword "Scrubbing Bubbles" (1995) # punt? For the media lab's 10th anniversary, 3 Dow "Scrubbing Bubbles" were attached to the side of the building to clean it up. Hack talk: SPODSA kidnapping (1991) Modeled after scene where Joe Buttle is arrested in the movie Brazil. SPODSA commandos burst into hack talk, grabbed a "freshman" and read "charges": 13/A Failure to read "The Next Century" (book that incoming frosh were supposed to read that summer) 41/N Indulgence in sleep 28/R Attending a lecture on hacking 36/Q Playing Tetris in front of a minor 72/K Caffeine abuse 57/S Participation in an Orange Tour 61/P Consumption of non-ARA food 94/Z Accepting Financial Aid 86/D Disobeying Pedestrian Signals at 77 Mass. Ave. 43/L Study outside of designated major "Frosh" was stuffed in a body bag and carried away. Brian (the lecturer) was asked to sign the receipt, the receipt for the receipt, etc. frequency shift (1991) Hackers obtained a pitch shifting device and hacked it into the sound system. As the hack talk progressed, the lecturer's voice got higher and higher. (Prior to the hack, Brian Leibowitz, the lecturer, had described this hypothetical hack as an example of an "ethical" hack when explaining ethics during a previous lecture.) Larvnet Larvnet is MacGregor hacking group that monitors the larva (tennis bubble). Used to tease victim bywriting "Larvnet is monitoring you" on his memo board. Then on a piece of paper taped to the outside of his window (several stories up). Then on a note pinned to his pillow. Finally, in a fortune cookie. 180 Hz alarm clock Hackers build at 180 Hz power supply. Victim goes to bed. Hackers switch in their power supply. Alarm clock runs at 3x speed. Victim gets up, takes shower, gets dressed, goes to MacGregor dining hall (which predated the convenience store). When he finds it closed, he finally looks at his watch and realizes he's been had. Hacking Anecdotes # punt? Grease Stripe (stupid hackers who thought you had to climb the elevator cable to get to the great dome) # punt XXX (proto Charles) stuck on the great dome # punt Hacking w/ a crowbar -- or why not to Story from mid 1980s. Hacker brings crowbar hacking because it's amusing. Throws crowbar off Green Building onto oval to avoid being caught with it. Crowbar later found 18" underground. FiEND manacled to the great dome (1985) Used taut-line hitch as climbing aid. Knot held; FiEND didn't. Moral: roommate ties knots better than FiEND climbs ropes. 10-280 ceiling hatch Climbed down & found Phys Plant workers sleeping in room. PP worker asked "Did you fix the elevator?" Hacker answered, "Yeah. It works now." Stories I would perfer NOT to hear told: aforementioned 120V phone stories stories of people hazing each other personal anecdotes about stupid things people have done during hacking (damage, dangerous, etc.) MIT tidbits ----------- Three buildings on campus w/ 4-digit room numbers (good to point out in building 13) "H" in "Established" is upside-down in the inscription around inside of little dome. Not all floors connect at "equivalent" floors (good to point out while crossing from 16 to 8) why? Good to point out Biohazard & radioactive materials markings in 16. Newton's tree in President's court Point out when under building or not (tunnel vs. basement) Everything's numbered (including bathrooms, door frames, fire-extinguishers, people...) Spiral staircases (for spelunkers') Access hatch by/under 54 if on route and label/ description is there.