As someday it may happen that a victim must be found
I've kept a little list
I've kept a little list
Of people who malign me when they think I'm not around
And who never would be missed
Who never would be missed

There's the editor who published a report (devoid of truth)
Regarding me, some alcohol, and other people's youth.
I hadn't the least notion--I knew nothing--wasn't there--
And, even if I had been, this is terribly unfair!
Against the day my menaces were found to pre-exist,
I've kept a little list---I've kept a little list.

There's the LJ 'moderator' who permits unfettered speech,
And some girls I've never kissed---I've got them on the list!
And the folks who think their total silence puts them out of reach,
They never would be missed--they never would be missed!

And the idiot who howls, with enthusiastic squeaks,
"Oh, eeewww, THAT GUY!" but knows not (fear my wrath!) of whom she speaks.
And the fair young ladies, new in town and thus my rightful prey,
Who had the gall to say "No thanks" and firmly walk away.
And that singular anomaly, the nameless parodist--
I don't think she'd be missed---I'm sure she'd not be missed!

All commenters at whom I've railed, I'll order now to Cease
And likewise to Desist---I've kept a thorough list!
They've dared to make my infamies a conversation piece
And they'll none of them be missed---they'll none of them be missed.

Though lawyers and solicitors may inconvenient be
When hired by another, they'll do very well by me.
My list has lots of empty spaces yet to be assigned;
I've Johns and Janes Doe Thirty through One Hundred yet to find.
See? Aren't you scared? Well, aren't you? I'm well and truly pissed
And I've kept a detailed list--you'll none of you be missed!

(by the Nameless Parodist)