By OLIVER GODWIN AND FATHER LUCIO DIROCCO

The vatican archives are filled with old books, many dating from the time of the founding of Vatican city. Throughout the centuries, the archivists of the Vatican have kept these books safe, maintained them, and created new copies of older works. Before the introduction of printing presses, they would copy entire works by hand, using exquisite calligraphy and illumination.

By OLIVER GODWIN

Early Sunday evening, Enrico Gallati was arrested for the crime of Mutilation of the Body of Pope Adam Paul, on a warrant issued by Lt. Crispin. The swiss guards had suspected him due to the timing of his discovery of the crime, and statements taken by people after the crime about the movements of everyone in the area. At approximately 6:15, a citizens arrest was made by Father Lucio DiRocco, Giancomo Tinagli, and Father Carmelengo Dante Pascuzzi. Gallati accepted the arrest quietly, and made no resistance at being escorted to the jail after he was informed of the warrant for his arrest. He was released on forensic evidence which cleared his name a short time later, just in time to come upon the scene of the first violence tonight.

By OLIVER GODWIN AND THE REVEREND RANDY STANDWELL

A number of recent events have raised some eyebrows of those who enjoy browsing the book of Revelations and looking for signs and portents. I am pleased to have had a talk with the Reverent Standwell, to get the perspective of a prominent theologan on what it all means, and what we should do...

By OLIVER GODWIN, ON BEHALF OF CARDINAL COSTA

The ranking Cardinals of the Catholic Church, constituted in an attitude of the utmost respect for the passing of their beloved and holy father, the Blessed Adam Paul, wish to announce in connection with the ongoing investigation that the Camerlengo is instructed to arrange that an examination be conducted on the earthly remains of his passing, and require without fail that the examination proceed in consonance with full propriety and the respect, deference, and love due to a spiritual leader of his stature.

The Cardinals further order that funeral arrangements be delayed twenty four hours in order to accomodate the examination.

By WENDY DARLING

Darling Readers, people are getting shot! Today all of the Swiss Gaurd and the Chinese ambassador were shot dead.

By WENDY DARLING

Darling Readers, never forget there are other things to read than the newspaper. Today Rev. Randy Standwell reminds us all how important he archives at the Vatican are.

By OLIVER GODWIN

Due to budget cuts, the Vatican archives have more restricted hours; last night they were forced to close at 11, and the hours may get even worse if the city's budget issues continue. Those who wish to take advantage of the historic opportunity to see the archives would be well advised to give briefcases full of cash to the helpful archivists or the Carmelingo.