By OLIVER GODWIN

The French Ambassador, Jean-Baptiste Moreau, has been doing extensive research in the Vatican Archives, and as a result has discovered some most extroardinary historical records, heretofore unknown to scholars, and has generously allowed me to share them with my readers. The documents are as follows:

By OLIVER GODWIN

There are reports that the streets of Rome are quite slippery; reportedly Dr. Penny slipped on a street and injured herself last evening. Residents and visitors alike are encouraged to watch for icy or wet patches.

By WENDY DARLING

Darling Readers, the sewers are in need of your help. With such a great influx of people the sewers are becoming flooded and now are in need of funding in order to stay in working order.

By OLIVER GODWIN AND PATRIARCH PETER MILANOV

I had an opportunity to speak with the Patriarch of the Eastern Orthodox faith today. His faith is somewhat misunderstood, and he welcomed the opportunity to help shed some light on it.

By OLIVER GODWIN

Mysterious men in black helicopters and black uniforms responded to Cardinal Ngozi's press release by showing up in Africa yesterday to assist with relief efforts. With no flags or other identifying markings, however, there is a mystery as to the identity of these helpful people. Today they showed up again, and were joined by another group, this one in a tan motif.