The chill mountain air of Evensong Castle has not been kind to you - the heart is willing, and, as always, devoted, but the flesh begins to fail, and you are no longer as confident as you once were that when you draw your plasma brand, the danger is only to your enemy. It is long past time for a successor, but with the destruction of Ridena, there is none other trained. And, you have realized, the next time you leave this planet, it will kill you. There is something wrong with your blood, that is worsened by space travel and artificial gravity; over the years it has grown worse, but when you came to Heidelmere, you could barely keep from showing your weakness. To leave again would kill you.
Dark thoughts, for these dark times. But there is one shining beacon of light in this darkness, and that is Ilse. It is principle among the Elite, that they do not marry, that their hearts are given to those they serve. So when you find your heart turning to Ilse, it is an act of treachery - but you cannot bring yourself to regret it. You have said nothing, for that would be a betrayal to Arista as well as to your oath, but deep inside, you cherish the flame of love, and warm yourself with it against the darkness. It is only when you are near Ilse, that you can still feel young.