JIM What do you do with a Theatre Merit Badge? What is my life going to be? Four years of Scouting And plenty of doubting Have not fulfilled my destiny I can't rule the world yet I've not kissed a girl yet The world is a big scary place... But somehow I can't shake This feeling I might make A difference to the human race! (spoken) KATYA [wave] CIERNAN Hi, Katya. KATYA <smiley-face Ciernan> [questioning look] CIERNAN Not so good. KATYA <question mark> CIERNAN Well, I got brainwashed by Bibblers. KATYA <sad face> CIERNAN Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm a mage, and an accomplished spy, and I always thought -- KATYA <question mark> CIERNAN No, it sounds stupid. KATYA [makes puppy dog eyes] (sung) CIERNAN When I was little I thought I would be... KATYA <question mark> CIERNAN A Skald on Sparta, the clans' referee. But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see I'm not. KATYA <shrugs> CIERNAN Oh well, it sucks to be me. KATYA <shakes head> CIERNAN It sucks to be me. KATYA <shakes head more emphatically> CIERNAN It sucks to be hunted by the Blues and turning thirty-three. It sucks to be me. KATYA <shakes head. Ciernan with grumpy-face> CIERNAN I think so. KATYA <Ciernan under cloud, crossed out> <Katya gestures grandly, and things fly about> CIERNAN You are. KATYA [little bow] <Katya pushes group of cats to door and then out> <Katya looks at road map, sketches picture of scout> [Frown] <mobs looking adoringly at Donella, mobs looking adoringly at Jayla> [stamps foot] <Katya under cloud> CIERNAN Me too. KATYA <Katya stung by a bee> CIERNAN It sucks to be me. It sucks to be Ciernan... KATYA [hands on hips] CIERNAN Allergic to home! KATYA [puts hands over lips] CIERNAN / KATYA It sucks to be me. / <Katya under cloud> (spoken) CIERNAN Hey, Mirris, Dr. Kye, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second? DR. KYE Certainly, Ciernan. KATYA <Scales: Ciernan with dark cloud on one pan, Katya with dark cloud on other> (sung) MIRRIS AND DR. KYE Ours! DR. KYE We work together. MIRRIS We've even been on a date. DR. KYE I told my dreams to her MIRRIS Which made it get really late. DR. KYE So she knows lots of ways to make me really irate! Oh, every day is an aggravation. MIRRIS Come on, that's an exaggeration! DR. KYE You stuck me in the holodeck With evil Dr. Cain. MIRRIS Oh yeah? You'll sleep with anyone, you make that very plain. DR. KYE You make each mission such a pain to go through - MIRRIS So do you. That's why I hate this too! DR. KYE It sucks to be me! MIRRIS No, it sucks to be me! KATYA <Katya stung by bee> CIERNAN It sucks to be me! ALL Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me! SHARRA Why is everyone so happy? MIRRIS Because our lives suck! SHARRA Your lives suck? You have to be kidding me! The Terrans got my nephew, by now he must be bad. They blew up my home city, and nearly killed my dad. Now they've got Eva too, so I'm really sad - angry too. And I am an engineer (So my family disapproves) But my robots talk to me When nobody else can see. It sucks to be me! It sucks to me me! I say it really-really-really-really- really-really-really-really- really-really-really-really- sucks! It sucks to be me! (spoken) JIM Excuse me? CIERNAN Hi, kid. JIM Sorry to bother you, but I'm working on my merit badge. SHARRA Why did you come to the middle of a battlefield for that? JIM Well, I started on First Aid, so I had to find some wounded people, but now I'm working my way up to Tactical Assault, so I'm looking for a particularly beleaguered group that I can lead to victory. CIERNAN You need to talk to the Interim Captain. Let me get him. JIM Great, thanks! CIERNAN Paging Hippocrates. HIPPOCRATES I will be there momentarily, Mr. McPherson. JIM Oh my God! It's a Hegemonic medical frigate run by an AI! HIPPOCRATES Yes I am! (sung) HMS Hippocrates I'm where the show takes place. I had a captain once But I flushed him into space! The next got nabbed by Terrans, who'll destroy the human race, Except them! So I have this ragtag group: Hippocrates Crew! ALL It sucks to be you. KATYA <Hippocrates with biggest dark cloud of all> ALL It sucks to be you. CIERNAN I feel better now! HIPPOCRATES Try having your own pilot write you off as a toaster and try to sell you on the Well. It gets old. ALL It sucks to be you. On Hippocrates Crew! (sucks to be me) On Hippocrates Crew! (sucks to be you) On Hippocrates Crew! (sucks to be us) But not when we're together. We're together here on Hippocrates Crew! We are Hippocrates Crew! Our friends are too! 'Til we cure green goo We are Hippocrates Crew! JIM This sounds exciting! ALL We're all Hippocrates Crew! MIRRIS Especially me. I'm all of them! ALL We're all Hippocrates Crew! HIPPOCRATES There's your stateroom! ALL Welcome to Hippocrates Crew!