MIT HUMOUR?

(Isn't that an oxymoron?)

FALL 2002

hey, baby -- wanna test the "k" of My bed springs?
hey baby, let's be sinusoidal functions; we could oscillate horizontally!
hey, baby; wanna be my laser? you get my photons all excited!
hey, baby - let's integrate; i'll find the area under Yo curves.
hey baby, let's calculate g -- the acceleration of your clothes hitting the floor.
hey,baby, - you've got more curves than a triple integral!

SUMMER 2002

Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
How about you and I go back to my place and for a covalent bond?
You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
You're sweeter than glucose.
Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me?
Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.
Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?
I wont' stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.

SPRING 2002

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy one ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Tickets, please!" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"

FALL 2001

Two hydrogens are sitting in a bar. They are having a pleasant conversation. All of a sudden, J.J. Thompson comes in with an ion beam gun. He's furious. He starts shooting all over the place. One of the hydrogens gets hit, an electron gets knocked out and falls to the ground. His buddy leans over and asks, "Are you ok." The hydrogen replies, "I think I got hit." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive."

- Professor Sadoway
A neutron walks up to a bar and asks the bartender, "How much is a beer/" The bartender responds, "Hey, don't I know you? Aren't you a neutron?" "Yes, I am." "Well in that case, there's no charge."

-Professor Sadoway

SUMMER 2001

At the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer just out of MIT what kind of salary he was looking for. "In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package," he said. "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car...say, a red Corvette?" "Wow! Are you kidding?" responded the engineer. "Yeah, but you started it."

A naked MIT man walks into Mental Health and on into a psychiatrist's office and asks, "What's wrong with me?" The psychiatrist responds, "I can see your nuts."

- An interphaser

SPRING 2001 SEMESTER

This joke is much more humorous after having taken 18.03 Differential Equations, 18.06 Linear Algebra, or equivalent.
MIT students sure like proofs. Yuck. See a mathematical proof that shows the true nature of women.

Email burton4-request@ for suggestions, comment, concerns, complaints, bribes?, etc.

Version 4.0

Last Humour Update: 12/17/02