"We was gonna call them his "magic skates."

- Dan "New Year, New Scarf" Hogan on team doctor Coggsvvel's failed attempt to fashion skates for hobbled team captain Barna.

Wilmington, Mass. - The Tigers will play their last game before Christmas break on Tuesday night against the Red Dragons, a hockey team named after a Boston street gang.

"That just makes me spittin' angry," said Tigers captain and all-American law abiding citizen Rick "Jolly Old St. Rick" Barna, "I mean, either way you look at it, they're named after a gang or a mythical beast that like, doesn't even exist."

One thing that does exist is the Dragons' offense, the team has put some pretty extreme numbers on the scoreboard when not facing Derek "Goal Miser" Melendy and the door slamming defensive core.

"We're not going to give them any early gifts," says defenseman Dan "Holly Jolly" Hogan of the Dragons formidable attack. "We're just going to play them tight and not let any of those red reindeer sneak past us, because that's when we rein in the reindeer," explains Hogan.

The puck drops at 10:30 PM on December 23. Good seats are still available, and it is rumoured that Melendy will sing his hit single "There's No Place Like Goal For the Holidays" between periods.

"Either way you look at it, they're named after a gang or a mythical beast that like, doesn't even exist."

-Rick "Jolly Old Saint Rick" Barna on the Tigers' Festivus opponents.

Newton, Mass. - The surging Boston Tigers improved to 10-0 with a 3-0 win over the expansion Boston Piranhas.

The game started slowly and evenly, as both teams skated a highly-contested yet scoreless first period. The Tigers defensive corp, bolstered by the play of Jeff "Jingles" Berk and Dan "I've Got My Scarf to Keep Me Warm" Hogan kept the Piranhas from getting any good looks at Derek "Goal Miser" Melendy.

The second period seemed like it might be more of the same until Tigers forward Ming "Mingo All The Way" Tang got on the board with 2:09 remaining in the second period, assisted by linemates Bob "This Merry Gentleman" Goodreau and Austin "Wassail" O'Malley. Chris "The Italian Christmas Forward" Di Guardia added a powerplay goal at 5:16 (assisted by Gemmell) and defenceman Mike "The Hammer" Bridgeman put the proverbial icing on the cake with his first goal as a Tiger.

"Those guys came out hard, and they could have easily led after one if Marche could hit the side of a barn," remarked captain Rick "Trans-Barnerian Orchestra" Barna, who didn't seem concerned about the Piranhas' Marche seeing his comments. "Are you kidding? That would involve him being on the Internet, and I am not worried about that boy coming anywhere near a net of any kind."

Tensions ran high a few times as Mark "The Ghost of Freedo Past" Freed ran into and almost insulted Kelly "Silver Kells" Jones. "I didn't know if Freedo was going to skate into her, throw up on her or both," says forward E.J. "The Man With the Bag" Brown. "But better her than me."

"I didn't know if Freedo was going to skate into her, throw up on her or both."

-E.J. "The Man With the Bag" Brown on Mark "The Ghost of Freedo Past" Freed

Newton, Mass. - The lukewarm Piranhas will coast into town on the fumes of last week's victory over the Red Dragons, hoping their momentum will somehow topple the surging Tigers, who last week soundly defeated the C-level Boston Shooters, 4-1.

The Tigers, led by league-best goaltender Derek "Scrooge" Melendy will take on up the upstart Piranhas at 9:30 PM in The House That Jim Halpert Built.

"Last time we played these guys they had a pretty loud cheering section," remarks Melendy. "We won't really have a cheering section because the Piranhas are our cheering section; I am not sure if that is good or sad, and then who it's good or sad for," says Jeff "Jingles" Berk. "I don't know about any of that, but I do promise you that I am going to light up that Cogswell like a cheap Christmas tree," says Rick "Here We Come A-Hooking" Barna.

NOTES:

...The Piranhas are unveiling a new away sweater tonight, hoping to boost flagging holiday sales numbers.

...Mark "(I Was The Bouncer at) The First Noel" Freed will take the ice tonight after a few games off.

"We need to score fast and stay on top."
-Austin "All I Want For Christmas is a Pass From Ross" O'Malley

- - -

"That's what she said."
-Rick "Bang Bang We Have Heard on High" Barna, seconds later.

"These people are like masters of their craft and they have such fierce costumes."

-Rick "Beauty and the Bang Bang" Barna on his training crew, shown above.