the engineers' drinking song
"the engineers' drinking song" has had a long history with the chorallaries; we have sung dave bass's difficult and entertaining arrangement from the group's birth. it is one of the most requested songs that we perform--though "africa" comes in at a close second--becoming our signature piece. from this profound relationship has sprung a multitude of original verses, with novel ones being written all the time. peruse the ones below to find your favorite!
Chorus:
We are, we are, we are, we
are, we are the Engineers
We can, we can, we can, we can, demolish forty beers
Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum all day, and come along with us
'Cause we don't give a damn for any old man who don't give a damn for us!
Godiva
was a lady who through Coventry did ride
To show the royal villagers her fine and pure white hide
The most observant man of all, an engineer of course,
Was the only one who noticed that Godiva rode a horse
She said, “I've come a
long, long way, and I will go as far
With the man who takes me from this horse and leads me to a bar”
The man who took her from her steed and lead her to a beer
Was a bleary-eyed surveyor and a drunken engineer
Godiva
was a lady well-endowed there is no doubt
She never wore a stitch of clothes, just wound her hair about
The first man who did make her was a Engineer, of course,
But on just one beer an artsie queer had made Godiva's horse
Ace Towing
roams the Cambridge streets each day and every night
Towing cars and stowing cars to hide them out of sight
They tried to tow Godiva's horse; the Engineers said, “Hey!”
Then towed away their towing truck, and now the Ace must pay!
Rapunzel
let her hair down for two suitors down below,
So one of them could grab a hold and give the old heave-ho
The prince began to climb at once, but soon came out the worst,
For the Engineer rode up a lift, and reached Rapunzel first
Caesar
set out for Egypt at the age of fifty-three
But Cleopatra's blood was warm, her heart was young and free
And every night when Julius said good-night at three o'clock
A Roman Engineer was waiting just around the block!
Sir Francis Drake
and all his ships set out for Calais Bay
They'd heard the Spanish rum fleet was headed out that way
But the Engineers had beat them, by a night and half a day,
And though as drunk as ptarmigans, you could still hear them say:
The Army and the Navy
went out to have some fun
They went down to the taverns where the fiery liquors run
But all they found were empties for the Engineers had come
And traded all their instruments for gallon kegs of rum
An artsman
and an Engineer once found a gallon can
Said the artsman, “Match me drink for drink, let's see if you're a man.”
They drank three drinks, the artsman fell, his face was turning green
But the Engineer drank on and said, “It's only gasoline!”
An Engineer once stumbled
through the halls of Building 10
That night he'd drunken rum enough to drown a dozen men
In fact, the only things there were that kept him on his course
Were the boundary conditions and the Coriolis force
An MIT computer nerd
got drunk one fateful night
He opened up the console and smashed everything in sight
When they finally subdued him, the judge he stood before,
Said, “Lock him up for twenty years, he's rotten to the core!”
Venus
was a statue made entirely of stone
Without a stitch upon her she was naked as a bone
On seeing that she had no clothes, an Engineer discoursed
“Why, the damn thing's only concrete, and should be reinforced!”
A maiden
and an Engineer were sitting in the park
The Engineer was working on some research after dark
His scientific method was a marvel to observe
While his right hand held the figures, his left hand traced the curves
Princeton's run by
Wellesley, and Wellesley's run by
Yale
And Yale is run by Vassar, and Vassar's run by tail
Harvard's run by stiff pricks, the kind you raise by hand
But M.I.T. is run by Engineers, the finest in the land
MIT was MIT
when Harvard was a pup
And MIT will be MIT when Harvard's time is up
And any Harvard Son of a Bitch who thinks he's in our class
Can pucker up his rosy lips and kiss the beaver's ass
An MIT surveyor
once found the gates of Hell
He looked the devil in the eye, and said “You're looking well”
The devil looked right back at him, and said “Why visit me -
You've been through Hell already; you went to MIT!”
A friend in ol'
New Haven
called me up the other day.
He said he was depressed because he hadn't got an A.
I said to him, “You idiot! Why did you go to Yale?
If you had come to MIT you'd still be on Pass/Fail!''
If we should find a
Harvard man within our sacred walls,
We'll take him to the Physics lab and amputate his balls
And if he hollers “Uncle!” I'll tell you what we'll do
We'll stuff his ass with broken glass, and seal it up with glue
And should there be a
Harvard man a-strolling our Great Court
We'll fetch a pail of river gunk and make him drink a quart
The water of the River Charles can fix his every flaw
And the Engineers all drink it 'cause it makes us what we are
A graduate in Chemistry
went out to take a stroll
Along the Up Chuck River bank, where all the compounds roll.
That day she felt dejected at the bursting of her dream,
For she couldn't find a single trace of water in the stream.
A Physics man from
MIT went out and drank his fill.
And then came to a strip joint, 'cause he had some time to kill.
The motions that he witnessed there excited all his nerves,
And he filled eleven napkins with equations of the curves.
The firehose
by day and forty beers by night,
An engineer may never sleep and still be just as bright.
And should you ever ask him how he keeps up his routine,
he'll raise his trusty can of JOLT, smile and say “caffeine”
(Victor Holmes, '95)
Late one night, an
engineer was lost in work and toil,
He set off to find a darling girl to help discharge his coil
In no time at all he'd warmed her up, her resistance at a low...
They fluxed until the morning's light, when their fuses, they did blow.
My parents went to MIT
and so did theirs before
And this is what they told me when they left me at the door
You'll never be the same again, that much we now can tell
'Cause when you're done with MIT you'll know you've been through hell
We'd like to welcome
all the parents here to MIT
But there are lots and lots of things we don't want you to see
like sex & drugs & rock & roll, and kegs and kegs (overflowing kegs) of beer
But we would never touch the stuff cause we're the engineers
At finals time some
undergrads went to The Thirsty Ear
each approached the bar in turn and ordered forty beers
The drinking washed away the test, the answers surely wrong
as the engineers regained their strength they sang their fav'rite song
We saved our dough
for years to send the kid to MIT
Although we knew it was a place of wild depravity
But now we know our kid is safe and we should have no fear
He's never even heard of Sex cause he's an engineer
(written and performed by Evan Sherbrooke's Mom, during Bad Taste '94)
That engineer from MIT, he
tried to enter Heaven
Saint Peter told the engineer, “Get back to building 7!”
The engineer said he was damned if he was going home,
So he climbed atop the roof, and dropped through heaven's dome...
An Engineer once found
himself upon the gates of Hell
He looked the devil in the eye and said, “You're looking well”
The Engineer looked right back at him and said, “Why visit me?
You've been through Hell already - you went to M.I.T.!
A man sat in a tavern with
a lovely Cambridge lass
And stared when for the nineteenth time she raised and drained her glass
he said “You've out drunk four strong men, and half the bar, my dear.”
but the maiden smiled demurely and said “I'm an engineer.”
I happened once upon a
girl whose eyes were full of fire,
Her physical endowments would have made your hands perspire.
To my suprise she told me that she had never been kissed,
Her boyfriend was a tired Engineering Scientist.
A Harvard lad in robes was
clad and set to graduate.
A pompous gleaming spectacle he was upon that date.
But not a quarter hour after he got his degree,
he was serving fries to engineers from good old MIT!
(DRB '02 )
Special Occasion Verses
We heard the 041
professor's ending his career
We thought we'd help him celebrate and bring a keg of beer
but when we thought that we would have to share it with you all
We thought about it once again and drank it in the hall
(for Prof. Al Drake's final term in 6.041, Spring '96)
Professor Drake's
retiring, we hate to see him go
He always has supported us -- he's even come to shows!
We've sung here each and every term and had a lot of fun
as-the official acappella group of Drake's 6.041
(for Prof. Al Drake's final term in 6.041, Spring '96)
Through .111, Unified,
Course 6 and Course 16
Problem sets that kicked our butts, Professors who were mean
You'd think with all this pain and grief, we'd race right out the door
But we've all completely lost our minds, we're coming back for more
(Corinne Ilvedson, Rena Yang, Dean Cerrato, on their “graduation”, April '96)
Professors put demands
on us, they say we have to tool
but all we want to do is sleep, WE HATE THIS F*CKING SCHOOL!
You can bitch or tell us off, abuse us if you please,
but we're all set to graduate and ALL WE NEED ARE C'S!!!
(Erin McCoy, Chris Merkel, Victor Holmes, on their “graduation”, Spring '95)
A 6.1 and a 6.3 challeneged wits in lobby 10.
Students gathered all around to watch the two great men.
The 6.1 told of flux and fields for a minute or three,
But the 6.3 kept on droning on and on recursively!
(ARH '05 EECS Dinner)
A 6.3 wandered out of his CS lab late one night.
He staggered all around his head a-floating with delight.
His coding project finally done he went to celebrate,
So he pulled out of his book of phone pranks and then dialed up Bill Gates!
(ARH '05 EECS Dinner)
A 6.1 called in sick one day to hang aroound his house.
All the while he found himself tormented by his spouse.
She told him to go fix the sink, it leaked, he gave a grunt
Then he said the source of the leak must involve the gate out front!
(ARH '05 EECS Dinner)
AFS CLI CLR and PHP
AC DC PICO PC UNIX BJT
I've heard that spouting out these acronyms will get the chicks
But how would I know what they mean, for I am not course 6!
(ARH '05 EECS Dinner)
Strawberries, and chocolate truffles, candy hearts galore
(BJS '06 and KR '08, Simmons Hall Valentines' Day Banquet 2007)
When I became a frosh, a crufty senior said to me
(KR '08)
Bad
Taste Verses My father peddles opium,
my mother's on the dole Fornication,
Copulation, Penetration, Fuck I am a whore from
Radcliffe and I fuck for fifty cents At Vassar, Smith, and
Wellesley there are countless untruths told An engineer and his
girlfriend were lying on a bed
(Hal Cohen, '87) Now I'm a
Meddiebempster let me tell you 'bout my gal,
(impromptu during concert with the Bowdoin
Meddiebempsters, Year??) I've heard that sex with
Chuckie Vest is really quite a treat I've heard that sex with
Becky Vest is really quite a treat My father was a miner from
the Northern Malamute An EC vixen left her room
one night to get some play.
(DRB '02) if your favorite verse is missing, or if
you feel creative and write one of your own, please send it to us! we may even
perform it, bringing you instant celebrity.
Chatting with your friend's new date, you hadn't met before
Catered dinners, chocolate fountain, all a lot of fun, but
You know you'd really rather go upstairs and get it on
"MIT's a Hell on Earth like nowhere else you'll see."
At the time I laughed at him. "It's not! It cannot be!"
But now I say it with the rest--- IHTFP!
My sister used to walk the streets but now she's on parole
(My brother runs a restaurant with bedrooms in the rear /or/
My Uncle plays with little girls, my Auntie raped a steer)
But they don't even speak to me, 'cause I'm an Engineer
Rim job, reem job, nose job, blow job, cunnilingus, Suck
Eating beaver, dipping wick, taking it up the rear;
these words don't mean a thing to me cause I'm an engineer
I'll lay my ass upon the grass, my pants upon the fence
I'll let you rub my belly and, on sundays fuck for free.
But get off of me you son of a B, if you're from MIT!
About how women engineers are frigid, strange, and cold.
But truth be told men look for lady engineers of course
And sleep with women who study friction, motion, stress, and force.
She reached down to unzip his fly so she could give him head
But when she wouldn't swallow, the engineer did shout
“How can you say you love me if you spit my children out!”
She really gets my “Fever” up, she's a regular “Satin Doll”.
We're real polite we just “Begat” we never, ever screw.
But “If You Knew Susie” like I knew Susie you'd have herpes too.
He walks around in lingirie and tickles Becky's feet
I know my sex life needs a lift, but easy as he may be
I'd rather do the beaver than the king of MIT!
She walks around in leather and she plays with Chuckie's feet
I know my sex life needs a lift, but easy as she may be
I'd rather do the beaver than the queen of MIT!
My mother was a mistress in a house of ill repute
The last time I saw them, these words rang in my ears,
“GO TO MIT YOU SON OF A BITCH, AND JOIN THE ENGINEERS!”
She found a buff West Campus man and fucked the night away.
And when she'd blown him hard enough she thought she'd sucked him dry,
he wanked himself right back again and shot her in the eye!