Once upon a time there was a very old wizard. He was in love with dogs, and he bought a beautiful puppy. But, the puppy was really an old witch who was under a spell. The witch/puppy got hungry and ate the wizard. However, the wizard (being a wizard) managed to live in the stomach of the puppy and plotted to get back at the puppy. The wizard built himself a house inside the witch's belly and dyed the food leaving the puppy's stomach and intestines a really weird color. It was a moldy green, the unbearable kind that makes you think of algae at the bottom of the pond. The colour developed a mind of its own and led the puppy to jump into the river to join its algae friends. But then Aquaman took the puppy to Bikini Bottom to live with Spongebob and they built a water powered spaceship. So they decided to test it and fly a short distance to Siberia. However, the puppy felt dizzy and couldn't get on the spaceship...And then Zach made a cogent comment. He said, "Why don't we go out for ice cream instead?" The wizard knew that he wouldn't live much longer in the stomach of the puppy so he built a very large knife; he knew he didn't want to die, but he wasn't sure if he could take a life. He was poised to strike at the greasy sides of the puppy's stomach, but then he realized that he was supposed to be a Hindu and couldn't take a life; so he conjured a straw mat and started praying instead. "Bismallah!" he said. And at that moment, Moses, Mohammed the Prophet, Krishna and Jesus all sent simultaneous emails to the wizard's gmail account. Moses' email got sent to the junkmail folder. A crisis suddenly occurred. Mose's email had important information on the lost crucible of Akzaza Akzaza Khan. This man was the member of the secret society, a brotherhood organization spun off the Skull and Bones. This was the man who was going to be the forefather of Barack Obama, the 21st revolutionary for American political change. Yet, Mohammed told the wizard in his email, "Obama is a fool, he seeks to trick the unknowledgeable and corrupt the wise." The wizard took this advice and teleported himself out of the stomach of the puppy, now THAT is change we can believe in. Then someone realized that the story was getting too political, and we hear enough about Obama on CNN. The wizard, now finding himself miles away free of the puppy's stomach went back to find his puppy/witch love. On the way, suddenly, the wizard decided to stop by a supermarket to grab some puppy food. He used IDEO's new shopping cart and realized he couldn't put a huge bag of food, but he could fit six packs of condoms. Ashamed of having to pay for six packs of condoms, the wizard tried to teleport out of the store, but the technical design of IDEO's shopping card had taken teleportation into account and he was stuck in mid-air at the center of the store, with the six packs of condoms floating around him and the cart buzzing loudly to get the attention of the store manager. However, the store manager was also a dark powerful wizard, whose secret part intertwined with the wizard with the condoms, and turned the condoms into black holes. The black holes morphed into marbles which morphed into PVC pipes, each filled with 5 farmers, 5 fruits, 5 animals, 5 houses, 5 cars, and a pedophile who could barely speak English. The farmer who grew apples and drove the truck lived in Endicott House, and was far wealthier than all the others. Because of his wealth, he hired the pedophile to come and work for him as a gardener. On the other hand, the wizard tried to battle the dark wizard in the supermarket, but it wasn't very effective because he couldn't see past the boxes of condoms floating around his head. The dark wizard tried to make him a deal: "If you enter into my universe with farmers, fruits, animals, houses, and cars, I won't kill you." The wizard thought that he wouldn't be able to see his beloved puppy/witch if he died, so he accepted the proposal. The dark wizard then teleported him into his world with the Endicott House and the farmer who grew apples. However, the wizard woke up in this new universe in a very dark room. He was confused, so he started looking around. He finally made out a figure advancing towards him, but he realized that it was the pedophile...

-written by iHouse on Fall Retreat, September 20, 2008