Well, I never thought I would actually be able to call someone my girlfriend, but I do now! I've known "Heidi" as early as February, 2003, but I didn't actually start talking to her until November, 2003. She was one of the people at the Korean church I never heard speak English, and I randomly sat next to her at a friend's concert and tried to talk with her. She was really shy and a little afraid to speak English - of course, that made me want to talk more! Playin' hard to get, huh? Well, right away, I felt something special with her character that I really liked.

Eventually, I started teaching her regularly and then found out she had been praying earnestly during the lent early morning prayer service for a native English-speaking friend that she could talk to. Wow, without knowing it, I was a big answer to her prayer.

I spent probably 4 hours a week with her since November, mostly helping her with a hard music teaching class. I began to see her involved in many different things - and I couldn't find anything harmfully wrong with her character or behavior. I began to wonder if she would make a good wife for me. My list consisted of strong Christian (her dad's a pastor, and one of my favorite memories of her was seeing her all along in the sanctuary on a friday night at 11pm praying for her friends!), ability to cook (she went to a cooking school!), deep character (she's been though a lot!), and interest in music (she's studying for her master's in Cello at Boston U, as well as a teaching degree). Needless to say, she exceeded my expectations - no other girl I've met has been able to do that.

How could we overcome the culture/language barrier? Well, I worried about asking her what she thought of me because I'm 100% American and she's 100% native Korean. One day, after earnestly praying for a week, I finally broke down and emailed her (so she wouldn't feel pressure of having to answer me directly) and told her I thought she was a potential wife for me. I told her to think and pray about it for a week and talk to her parents. I also told her I wasn't interested in dating so we could have a temporary relationship, but I was serious about marriage.

A week later, while at her house, she slowly told me what she was thinking. She was willing to become deeper friends with me and was willing to see if we might be suitable for each other. Not only that, but, miraculously (to us, at least), her parents didn't object to having an American son-in-law, nor did they even say "What?!?" or "but...."; instead, they said "We trust God will do the right thing."

We're now praying that God could make us more useful as a pair than if we were separate.

My parents weren't surprised that I found a Korean girl, but they were surprised that she was so native. My grandparents were all shocked, of course - hopefully, they'll get over it in due time.

For the sake of my parents and grandparents, I wonder if it would be nice to say "no, it's not working out. i'll have to find an American girl."; but I can't!! Every day I spend with her, I find we are becoming more and more committed to each other. I think Koreans are noted for being devoted to whatever their given. Heidi is certainly that type of person. She's deeply devoted to serving God, helping others, and doing what other people expect of her, even if it means going to bed at 2am and getting up at 5am! I've been very pleasantly surprised how devoted she's become to me (and v.v.).

When we talked about where to live, she said America is fine and she would like to get an American Citizenship - then she said "if you want to go to Africa, I'll go with you to Africa." Wow, my heart was touched.

There's so much more to write about her, it'll take me a while. Tomorrow, we're going for our first pre-marriage councelling session with a Korean pastor at MIT.

I've never had a girlfriend and I don't have one yet. I want my girlfriend to be my wife eventually (hence I use the words "girlfriend" and "wife" almost interchangably!), so I want to be very careful in choosing her (or having God bring her to me!). I don't know where my wife will come from, when I'll meet her, if I already met her, who she is, what she looks like, when I'll know she's for me, etc. I want her to be the best wife ever to me. I can't wait to meet her! So I thought I'd start thinking about her and praying about her now.

I'm not sure how to get a girlfriend. I mean, I have to live with my wife for the rest of my life, so it is a very important decision. When I consider all the things that my wife needs to be, I realize that I can't find her by myself. I need God's help. I see in the Bible that God provided Eve for Adam (he didn't search for her or ask God for her as far as we know). At the same time, I can't hide in my room and expect her to come knocking on my door someday! So I'm meeting a lot of people now and trying to spend a lot of time with church friends.

I read some decent advice about Christian marriage:

• Pray, pray, pray!!!
• God first, potential wife ought to be a Christian already before you get serious.
• Know yourself and make necessary changes in your life. Remember that you shouldn't expect marriage to make you happy.
• Know your needs and the needs of your potential spouse so you can figure out whether you can meet each other's needs.
• If you sense during dating that you weren't meant to be married, don't ignore the warning signals. You must not try to keep the relationship together if you're driven by the fear of being single.
• Don't let pressure (peer, parents, etc) or emotions drive your decisions.
• Don't be controlled by other gods (alcohol, drugs, bad habits, various idols, ...).
• Have a good pastor or councellor to help you out.
• In marriage, the emotions will fade, so you must make the decision each day to love your spouse as Christ loved the church.

I'm now trying to understand myself better by asking myself questions like "what are my needs", "what is my motivation for wanting marriage", "why am I interested in Koreans especially?". I'm also still debating whether I want to date or pursue courtship. Dating is not in the Bible - it's new. Divorce has been sky high only recently; 200 years ago, people who divorced were shunned and scorned by the community. There was a lot less of it. Now that we've decided people need to be more "free," they can marry whomever they want (even if it's the same sex) and divorce at will. Those who hold marriage as an everlasting convenant before God between a man and woman are often thought of as silly and old fasioned. I think the "oldfasioned" method of courtship is somewhat scary and formal, but it does have several benefits over dating behind your parent's backs. Both families (especially the parents) are very involved in communication and mutual agreement. Expectations are much higher, and it is a very wise way to make such an important decision because it drives away emotions and leaves only reasoning. I'll have to pray about this more!

Should I make a much stronger effort to involve myself at Park Street Church so I can meet American girls there? But I feel like a piece of me is Korean now. Maybe it's because there are no American girls at MIT (well maybe I could name half a dozen) that I have lost hope/interest in them. Surprisingly, I had the same problem in my undergrad, because Engineering was annexed on the far corner of the campus, while all the beautiful buisiness and arts girls stayed on the other side, never venturing over to our lonely side. I was so sequestered for 4 years there, only to see them in passing by, knowing that probably all of them, being Catholic at best, would be unsuitable for me and were just luxury items behind the window. Maybe this was the path of the disintegration of hope. And so I turned to the first group who would accept me - the Korean church. Strange that I could feel accepted there, being the only "Mi-Guk Saram" in a church of Korean people. For the first 6 months there, I never took notice of them as potential wives, but only concentrated on learning the language, building friendships and trust, and worshipping God. But now a Korean wife seems very hopeful.

Questions for my wife
[my responses in blue]
• Is God your King of Kings and Lord of Lords? Do you wish to live every day one step closer to Him?
• We'll have a lot of theological issues to discuss, like free will vs. predestination, speaking in tongues, authority in the Church, spreading the Gospel message, etc., etc.
• Where do you consider yourself on the liberal / conservative scale?
  [I am maybe 3/4 conservative. I am usually uncomfortable with women leading above men in the church, I'm anti-abortion, I'm unhappy when school children are taught to use condoms instead of abstinence, etc.]
• Can you cook well? What do you like to cook (or not like)?
  [No, I don't cook much at all. I really like almost every food, but especially a good balance of vegetables, meats, bread/ rice and a little dessert. Get recipies from my mom (she's a great cook!) and if you can make Korean food, wow, you're really great!! ]
• Do you like to eat healthy food and would you try to teach your family to eat healthy?
  [I get annoyed at myself sometimes if I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables every day.]
• Do you try to stay in shape and healthy?
  [I stretch every morning and recently got in the habit of doing push-ups every time before taking a shower. I also practice Tang Soo Do (a martial art similar to Tae Kwan Do) at least once a week, which is a good work out, and I try to run or skate about once a week. Sometimes, if I eat dinner out too much, I'll go a night or two without dinner to keep from gaining much weight! ]
• Do you play music? What do you like most? Do you like the music I compose?
  [I play organ (classical / modern, 7 years of lessons), piano (since age 8: jazz, 2 years of lessons), guitar (since 2000), Indian tabla drums (since 2002). I enjoy some types of jazz mostly, especially fast guitar, some odd rhythms -- mostly colorful, fantasy-like music that is tasteful. See my music webpage. for some recordings for you!]
• What are your hobbies?
  [I have many. Electronics: I love to build projects like guitar amplifiers, stereos, plasma tweeters, I like old electronics equipment and going to electronics flea markets; Music: (see above); Tang Soo Do: mostly Korean martial art I've been trained in since 1995 by a very very good instructor. I got my 3rd degree black belt in 2002; Art: I love modern abstract art, but really like fantasy-like stuff, like Dali, Eames, etc. and I LOVE furniture from Ikea! I'm also into optical art, like decoration lamps and lighting; I like learning languages, German and Korean are my two best besides English; I recently started repairing the pipe organ at the Korean Church in Cambridge, which has been great fun, as well as tuning pianos; I'm sure there's more...]
• What's you standard of living, that is, do you expect a BMW and designer clothes, or are you content with a Toyota and K-mart?
  [My standard of living is pretty flexible. Of course, like everyone I'd love to have a BMW and a nice house and fancy stuff, but I also like to built things and I've been architecting a house design (I doubt I'll ever build it, though). I don't need a 60" TV or a 3 car garage, but if I've got enough money for them, why not? ]
• So let's talk about kids. How many do you want?
  [Me? ummm I don't know yet. Kids scare me still after hearing other new parents taking about getting 4 hours of sleep on a good night, changing diapers, etc., but they are really amazing and cute. 3 seems like a good maximum. Then there's schooling, and driving and college! Aaaah!]
• Could you put up with my hobbies? (Electronics, organ, guitar, piano, indian tabla drums, modern art work, modern architechture / furniture, project ideas that seem really unusual, Tang Soo Do (karate), learning other languages, trying new foods, maybe starting a wine / beer hobby someday, preferring to work on projects than go on vacation, etc.)
  [I can't wait to find out what your hobbies are! I hope you have a bunch of them too. I think hobbies make people interesting and allow you to find creative ways of showing who you really are.]
• What time do you wake up usually?
  [I had a paper route for 7 years (outlasting 6 supervisors!), when I got up at 5:15am every morning. I can consistently wake up at 7am no problem, or as early as 5am every day if I have to. I can't sleep past 8:30am usually. ]
• What makes you interesting?
• How do you hold up under pressure, stress?
• How emotional are you? Cry when someone gets married? Wish people would stop crying when people get married?
• What things make you feel loved the most? Gifts / flowers? Walking together? Getting a big hug? Talking? Hearing "I love you"?
  [Personally, I love hugs and would love to have a girl to hold! ]
• Are you organized? Do you like to keep things clean and in there place?
  [Yes, I am pretty organized. I inherited it from my mom. I like to keep things reasonably clean and uncluttered, but you wouldn't know that if you saw my electronics lab in my parent's basement!]

My many deficiencies
• I am so full of pride that I abhor being corrected by people on something that I've worked hard on. I always didn't like going to music lessons because I would have to find out what I was doing wrong. I never use TA office hours for the same reason.
• I get stressed out, depressed and frustrated easily under pressure if I can't make headway.
• I often feel like I'm not good at anything.
• I show off too much.
• I'm too proud of some of my "achievements" (which really aren't that great).
• I compare myself to others a lot, then I'm depressed and feel like an underachiever.
• I don't apply myself unless I'm under pressure (I lost my ability to apply myself spontaneously after years of engineering undergrad!).
• I'm too honest sometimes, usually about myself.
• If I feel like I've got a strong opinion on something, I feel like I need to say it. In some cases, my strong opinion has changed drastically over time, leaving me wishing I hadn't said something!
• I've got a lot of hobbies.
• I'm rather conservative.
• I'm rather emotional (as illustrated in my music mostly).
• I often set my standards very high.
• I'm often afraid to face new opinions and ideas other people hold because it forces me to challenge the opinions I hold. One such notable case is gay people in the church - I can hardly bear to discuss this topic with people who believe this it is okay, because it challenges the very foundations of man and God that are difficult to draw strong arguments from.

My strengths
• I have faith in God which often gives me the strength to say "OK" when something is disfavorable.
• I've got a lot of hobbies.
• I'm not a sports fan (I can't name many teams nor players), so you won't have to tell me to get off the couch and do something useful. You might have to tell me to stop building things, collecting instruments and finding new hobbies though!
• I'm rather conservative.
• I'm rather emotional (as illustrated in my music mostly).

Things that I don't like
• Activists. I have disdain for those people who think humans are a pollution to Mother Nature. They should kill themselves to make earth a better place, if I follow their reasoning properly. I think anti-war activists are the worst. They gather in mass numbers and verbally and demonstrationally attack the president -- in fact, they themselves are in a war against war! So if you are the politically active type who feels drawn to participate in rallies and demonstrations, we may not get along well.
• Women who have shorter hair than me. If you have a buzz, look elsewhere! I'm not looking for a rebel. (See 1 Corinthians 11:5-15).
• Uncleanliness. My mom is a very organized and neat person, so I've inherited some of that from her and couldn't bear to live with someone who was very messy and disorganized.
• The bossy, take-control buisiness woman type.
• Liberal opinions (like 'gay marriage is ok', 'divorce is ok', 'I learned it in a dream', ...)

Characteristics of my wife
• She should be very very beautiful, but only to me. If she's ugly by the world's standards, that's fine. She just has to be beautiful to me. In fact, it's better if she's not very cute by the world's standard, because then other guys won't get jealous. I definetely won't ignore her if she is cute, though! But I have definetely met girls who aren't eye-catchingly attractive who I have grown much closer to over time. I also know a lot of "cute" girls who have terrible personalities!
• She must love God first, family second.
• She must be able to endure being with me for a lifetime, whether things go well or not.

My preferred wife
• She should be clean and organized. If you enjoy house cleaning you are VERY special!!
• hmm, 5' 6" (168cm) to 5' 10" (177cm)
  [I'm 5' 10" (177cm) and 142lbs (65kg)]
• I was born in 1980, so hopefully she would have been born between 1978 to 1984. I guess I could strech an extra year in either direction if I have to!
• She should be a good cook, good at music (maybe teach lessons for money), well organized, healthy and strong.
• She should enjoy waking up every day to see what new things she can learn or do or experience.
• Ok, there are some ... uh ... more "personal" preferences, but I shouldn't post those online!

My favorite things
• Foods
  • Breakfast: a Swedish dish called Beerschirmuseli. The 'beer' part is not beer, but is somehow related to the German 'Erdbeere' = strawberry. It's basically strawberries, yogurt, oats, apples, orange, walnuts, and orange juice.
  • Lunch: I've been eating salads for lunch. pretty boring.
  • Dinner: it's tough... there are so many things I really love. One is Korean 'Galbi Jjeem' - big chunks of soft, spongy beef in a stew broth. MMMmmm. I also love my mom's Beef Brisket (slow cooked all day), fish and seafood.
  • Dessert: Maybe "Ribbon Loaf": about a dozen layers of those big rectangular graham crackers (the ones that get soggy easily in cereal) with alternating layers of lime and rasberry powdered mix mixed with applesauce. Then there's whipped cream with a little almond extract in it on top followed by roasted almonds. You let it sit in the fridge for like 5 hours until the graham crackers just start to get soggy. It's great with ice cream!
• Hobby: anything where I get to let my creativity go free.
• Art: surreal, modern - NOT sculpture that looks like a pile of garbage, or art that doesn't connect with people, but tasteful things, especially colorful patterns or scenery.
• Decor: Modern, especially like Ikea. Actually I'd love to have a house where each room is a completely different decor: Modern, abstract, retro, beach, Africa, Asia, European ... now that would be fun!
• Book of the Bible: Romans for the New Testament, probably Ezekiel for the Old Testament (I like Ezekiel's inability to describe the Majesty of God in engineering terms - wheels that move in contrdictory directions, colors he couldn't describe, etc.).

Other Thoughts
• How do we meet?
• How do we know we're meant for each other?
• How can we communicate to each other even after 40 years of marriage? I mean, most days in the middle of my life, I'll probably be doing the same thing every day: Go to work, come home from work, eat, sleep. Probably you won't be interested in hearing about gyroklystrons!