By Jessica N. Bowles-Martinez
I picked this site because the URL caught my attention for some reason.
Perhaps it was the ambiguity in how I should parse it into words,
was it "to bi-girl" or "tobi girl" or something
else I'd never considered. Once I went to the site it was suddenly
obvious why the URL grabbed my attention. I knew this girl. She lives
with one of my friends and his wife in Cambridge and I had been to
her apartment many times.
First off, I have to say that this is rather strange. I have gone
to other people's personal sites and never really felt like I was
violating their privacy or being nosey, but now that I actually sort
of know the person, its feels very different. I feel like I was just
handed a variety of ways that I can spy on her. It feels almost deceptive
and malicious.
First there is her journal, which is hosted by a site called LiveJournal.com.
Live journal is a place where you write whatever you want, and you
can leave information like your current mood, music, etc. What I thought
was the best part is that after every entry Tobi writes, LiveJournal
lets other people leave comments and what was said. Also, there is
a list of her other friends who also use live journal and recent things
they wrote are next to their pictures. Its sort of creepy to look
through because I know nearly everyone that I see commenting on the
entries, and then I find their journals linked to the comments.
Looking through the journals it seems that no one holds back, and
everybody is extremely emotional and opinionated. Using the calendar
option I went to journal entries that I knew were on dates of parties
at Tobi's house and was able to look at her entries as well as her,
and my, friend's entries on that day. From there I read how one girl
I knew was angry at her boyfriend because of some silly stuff he did
that night, and how there was strain and stress in the relationship.
Another person talked about how much fun they had at the party while
others gossiped about the other party goes. I felt like I was given
some sort of ability to look into their heads, to know more than what
anyone would have wanted. Perhaps next time I spend time around this
group I will feel uncomfortable, as I don't think I will be able to
help myself from imagining what sorts of judgments and concerns lay
behind their smiles.
I went through the FAQ area of the site next, and got some of the
basic cut and dry information that never really came up in the brief
conversations that I had with her. Before I came to this site and
really looked around it I didn't really know very much about this
girl, she was just sort of in the background when I was around her.
Next time I see her will be a very different experience, because I've
read enough to know how she thinks, as well as the facts about her.
Going to personal sites of people I vaguely know is always awkward
later when I run into the person whose site I saw later. I feel like
I know a lot about them, but they know almost nothing about me. Later
when they tell me about them, I often already know the information
but I don't want to tell let on that I know. Even though their information
is on the internet from experience I've found that admitting that
you have read their site and remember information on it always creeps
the other person out. I wonder if that's because they only expect
people they know well to go to the site, but if that is the case then
why do they include the basic information that would not be necessary
for established friends.
I have had quite a few friends who have either lost jobs, friends,
or had other consequences because people have been upset with what
they wrote on their page. I find myself being very weary of posting
too much personal information for these reasons. Often I wonder who
the intended audience is for these journals. Some of my friends request
that people who know them personally not read the site for fear of
offending them. Others ask that only people who know them read their
entries. Yet, most don't even consider who their audience is at all.
There are consequences to letting so much be accessible, either in
the harmless social way were there is an uneven distribution of information
all the way to the dangerous possibilities of stalkers.