The field of universal truths is full of pretencious claims that don't lead anywhere. There is no such thing as a universal truth. And yet, I don't want to miss the chance for the world to try to find one. And this is it:

YOUR GRANDMOTHER WANTS TO STUFF YOU.

Corollary: She will never believe that you are properly nurtured.

Corollary to the above: She believes that she's far a better cook than your mum.

Try to deny that. (And never mind the logic of corollaries works in the reverse.) Whoever has not had a granny who cooks a ton of food, with the firm intention of having you eating it all, and it means ALL except the plate, is a rare exception to the rule. Grannies have a particular set of values, and it seems that the way they have to express their love is by cooking lots of food.

Never mind where you were born and raised--from Australia to Greenland, all grannies are the same. See if any of these events are not familiar:

• Granny is great--she always finds you skinny, even if you weigh 20 stone (120 kg, roughly).
• The phrase 'just a nibble' means three big mouthfuls for her.
• 'Measure' seems to be non-existent in her vocabulary. In order to compensate for this lack, she always cooks for twice as many people as there are going to eat the meal, 'just in case'.
• Your granny always puts more food in your plate as she is asking whether you want some more. By the time you mean to say 'No, thanks', there is already a whole shovel of pasta or rice in front of you.
• You prefer to shut up and eat, than listening to her telling you off for being so picky. After all, she's spent all day cooking for you, as she carefully remarks, in several occasions, before and during the meal .
• Her meals consist of 3 courses + entree + dessert + coffee, all with repeats. But that's granny.

What is it with with grandmothers and food, all over the world? Well, their values belong to the times in which it was important to be well-fed, or else you became weak and could not work. Or worse, you died. Years have made their concern achieve a tremendous scale, that's all. They want all the best for their grandchildren (that's us), and cooking is the way in which they express it. The problem is that perhaps we do not appreciate food as much as we should. Well, let's not generalise--I love eating, and eating well, but grandma's meals are still too much.

Going back to their concern about food, they not only want to stuff you, but it is also their main topic of conversation. They could not care less about the things you do ('Competitive Medium Sturdies?' You call that studying?'), but just ask them what they did in the market. They'll give you a lecture on what is what, where is cheapest, what is best for you, how to keep it, how to prepare it... They definitively sound a lot more well-learned than you do, despite your MIT graduate courses.

How do I know all this. Induction. That is from particular cases, one can reach general conclusions. Which means, all this I've learnt from my grandmother, whom I love despite the fact that she tells me off for whatever I do. At first I thought that she had a problem with food, but travelling around the world has taught me that grannies were all the same. And that's why we love them.

(This is dedicated to my grandmother, Mercedes. Last Thursday was her birthday! ¡FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS, ABUELA! (pity she doesn't understand a word of English...)