.... ergh.. can't seem to get this tape out... ... argh. Oh, I did't notice. I've got company. Hello, there. My name's Travis. Travis Mueller... I was just having a few technical difficulties with my video cassette recorder. The tape seems to be stuck in there. Sticky eject button. But it's nothing that can't be fixed, with the help of a screwdriver and a little minor surgery to the back side of this VCR... So, that's not the problem. You see, the problem is I'm a little deliquent about returning this tape. I'll be cutting it fairly close trying to return this tape to Blockbuster's before it closes tonight. Luckily for me, my good friends at the store have been very polite about the whole affair... Up until about yesterday night. See, normally I have completely nothing against the late return policy at Blockbuster's. It's usually suited me quite fine until last night. That is until the intelligent guys behind the video counter took a closer look at their computer screens and realized 21/7/65 didn't seem to be a valid date for a tape to be due. I think I've done that just once too often. So the owner of the place is threatening legal action if I don't return this tape pronto. That is to say: by midnight. The time: 5:45 But hey, you might notice, isn't it only a quarter to six? It doesn't even take the manager from the tape store six hours to pop a tape out of an uncooperative VCR. And you might understand that six hours on a regular weekday night is pleanty of time for jogging around the park, having pizza with some friends, as well as walking the tape over to the store. But therein lies the dilemna. It's not a weekday night. It's a Saturday night... The first night of spring... A beautiful night, one that Van Gogh might be jealous of... And my one year anniversary with Athena. All of which is great, except for the fact that I am lacking in... transportation. Thus, if I include Athena's place in Somerville, Chez Luigi's in Brookline, and Blockbuster's on Mass Ave, all on my itinerary tonight, I will definitely need a car. And I've got just the friend to borrow one from. Scene I Hi, Kameroon, it's me. Hello Mueller. Why are you calling? *cough* *sniffle* *sneeze* *cough* Whoa, you sound sick. Are you feeling okay? No. I'm not. Why are you calling? *cough* Hey, just checking up on how you were feeling. Want me to run by the store and pick you up some cough medicine? No thanks, I've got plenty. *cough* dimetapprobitussinnyquilnighttimesnifflingsneezingcoughmedicine advilaspirinmomdayquillchlortrimetonpeptobismodmtylenolbufferin philipsmilkofmagnesiavicksambusolpreparationhsudafedchickensoup Are you sure, you sound really sick. How about chicken soup? Now I know you want something. What do you want? All I want you to do is feel better. Come on, you know you're my only greatest, bestest buddy from all of high school, and now that we go to college, from all of college. You're not just saying that, are you? Well, even if I was, I'd be telling the absolute truth. Mother's honor. *cough* Now that I come to think of it, I'll take you up on the chicken soup. You're a true friend Travis. Great, so how about I come over there, borrow your keys, and I'll be right back with the soup. All I need to do is pick up a few ingredients from the grocery store and soup's as good as - Wait a sec. What keys do you need to borrow of - oh, no, not the Ferrari again! *cough* No, no, you need your rest and relaxation! Don't worry about the car, it's for your own good. Remember what happened the last time you got angry about the car? Yes, I remember precisely what happened! I've never had such an expensive tree house in my life, and I have only you to thank for it! *cough* Well, that Kameroon has a point there... I don't believe I could possibly have believed that you were actually interested in my personal health and well being. All you want is that... that... car! Well, Travis, what do you have to say for yourself? *cough* Do you need any Robitussin? Good-bye Travis! *click* Not a very promising start to the perfect spring Saturday night. Perhaps I should let him calm down a little bit. You have to forgive Kameroon, though. Instead of the Bahamas, Kameroon is spending his spring break in wonderful old Medford taking care of his Aunt and Uncle, who have this splendid, remodelled, 1961... Ferrari ohhh, yeah 250GT California oh-hhh, ye-aaah of which, I must add, only about fifty are left. chi-chi-chiga So you see, Kameroon's reluctance is quite understandable. Hmmm, I think I've given him enough time to recover. In any friend's infirmed condition, one should never overdo a passionate plea for a car. Hi, Kameroon, it's me again! Scene I, why are you calling? Kameroon, you're always thinking that I've got alterior motives. When are you going to trust me for the true friend that I am? Definitely not tonight, when I'm nauseatingly sick in bed with a case of the flu. See? Don't you understand - it's the sickness that's making you distrust me. If it weren't for the vertigo induced by your flu, you'd understand what a truly good friend I am. You know something... *sniff* You think I'm right. I think you're right. All I need is a good cup of chicken soup to soothe my stomach... That's right, Roonie... Maybe a little fresh air to clear up the vertigo. I think I should go for a - Great idea! You should take a nice, relaxing - ride in the car, with the top down. It's kinda - Not the best idea. It's cold, it's chilly - but it's the first night of spring, Tra- yes, but remember, spring means allergies, and you know what allergies can do for a head cold. But I don't have any allergies except to spinach, remember? Okay, so even after digging into the bag of 'Idiosyncracies I remember about Kameroon,' I realize, it's true, he doesn't have hay fever. But the one thing I do know about him is that once he gets latched onto an idea, he won't forsake it. So. Even in this immunologically depressed state of being, I'm unable to shake Kameroon's insistence that I use the car to ferry him around the Esplanade. Of course, I can imagine what it'd be like if I had him around, spending a wonderful night as a threesome; Athena, Kameroon and I splitting a plate of spaghetti, a la Lady-and-the-Tramp-style. Therefore, this is entirely out of the question. *bzzzt..* Kameroon, I can't hear you! The line is... *zat!* going. I will call you back, is that...? *Click!* Whoa, close call. Pardon the pun. Scene I, why are you calling?, II I'm calling because - I can't believe they took down the non-denominational holiday shrub! What?? You mean you can't believe it either? I tried expressing my exasperation to everyone else, but nobody believed me! I knew you'd understand! At long last! What the hell are you talking about?? The non-denomination holiday shrub! I thought that it would be the undying symbol of secular conduct, a bastion of hope that would uphold separation between church and state, school and religion. For as long as the shrub would stand, the chasm between the followers of deities and the citizens with independent thought would never be crossed by the government. For as long as the shrub would stand, a perfect balance would remain! Have you gone totally insane? It's true!! Time is of the essence. It is now that we must sacrifice all that we hold most dear. It has come down to this! They are storming the gates as we speak! I don't understand what you're talking about... Isn't it obvious? With the fall of the freedom of religion come the rise of totalitarianism! With the rise of totalitarianism comes the rise of communism! And just like China, there's a cultural revolution in the making here! I'm feeling a little dizzy. Can you not speak so fast? Rich land owners, artists, students, and teachers, alike are warned to give up their worldly possessions, and divest themselves from land, capital and property! Slow down, I don't follow you... But I'll help you! I'll get rid of the Ferrari! Get up and unlock your door before the working class razes your house to the ground! They know you're a student! You're not getting the Ferrari. But the proletariats - ! *click* This is not the way to the Ferrari. This is also, by the way, not Russia. Scene II, Aunt and Uncle