I see this hot-looking chick, Marge. I'd seen her there before - a real knockout. So we do some coke - seemed innocent enough at the time - she keeps coming on to me. In a moment of weakness, I go with her to her pad over her plant store. We smoke some wacko weed she grew herself. This is the kind of woman...

She starts asking me all kinds of questions about my family background - my talents, my IQ. She loves it that I have these eyes like David Bowie. See, look, Ted, one green and one blue? You never noticed?

Turns out she wants me to be a sperm donor to these two friends of hers who want a baby. So, I'm in a weird mood, I say, "Hell, why not?" Then she gives me this turkey baster, wants me to ejaculate into it. I freaked at first, but then she explained it and it made perfect sense. So I did it. The drugs and all. I got caught up in the moment.