Dr. Brown: Come in, sit down... What seems to be the problem? Patient: I'm sick. Dr. Brown: Have you had a fever? Patient: No, just a sore thorat and running nose. Dr. Brown: Have you experienced any vomiting? Patient: No. Dr. Brown: What other symptoms have you had? Patient: I had a sore throat the first day and now my nose won't stop running. Dr. Brown: Let me check you for a strep infection. Patient: Ok. Dr. Brown: I'll give you a antibiotic prescription just in case. Patient: What do I have? Dr. Brown: Would you like some free condoms? Patient: No, I'd just like to feel better. Dr. Brown: How are your classes going? Patient: Are you gonna write that prescription? Dr. Brown: The doctor-patient relationship necessitates that I not talk to you about myself. Patient: No, but it necessitates that you write me that prescription! Dr. Brown: Let's talk about you instead. Patient: Ok, I'm sick. Make me better. Dr. Brown: Have you been exercising regularly? Patient: Yes, what does that have to do with anything? Dr. Brown: Would you like some free condoms? Patient: You already asked me that. What about my antibiotics? Dr. Brown: Are you pregnant? Patient: No, I haven't even been having sex! Dr. Brown: You should always be prepared with your own protection. Patient: Okay, okay, give me a condom. Dr. Brown: Abstinence is the only safe sex. Patient: Then don't give me a condom. Dr. Brown: An active sex life can help reduce stress. Patient: I'll tell you what will help reduce stress... Dr. Brown: Stress is something that can be controlled with diet, exercise, and meditation. Patient: And a gun. Dr. Brown: Have you considered seeing a psycologist? Patient: I'm not crazy. I'm sick. Dr. Brown: Have you been exercising regularly? Patient: We've been through this before. Have you seen a psychologist? Dr. Brown: Have you been exercising regularly? Patient: What do you know about alzheimers? Dr. Brown: Are you pregnant? Patient: Yes, god dammit. I'm pregnant! Dr. Brown: You'll need to make an appointment with the gynocologist. Patient: Great. Sign me up. Dr. Brown: Have you been using birth control? Patient: Apparently not, eh? Dr. Brown: Have you been using birth control? Patient: Have you been repeating yourself? Dr. Brown: Would you like some free condoms? Patient: Have you got any French ticklers? Dr. Brown: Are you pregnant? Patient: I'm leaving. Dr. Brown: Are you pregnant?