M-x yow

When you said ``HEAVILY FORESTED'' it reminded me of an overdue
 CLEANING BILL..  Don't you SEE?  O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE
 COIN COLLECTION and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!!

M-x psychoanalyse-pinhead

I am the psychotherapist.  Please, describe your problems.  Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

..  I feel..  JUGULAR..

I would appreciate it if you would continue.

Hmmm...  an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of
 POLYVINYL CHLORIDE...

How do you reconcile any hobbies you have?

Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT...

Is it because of your sex life that you say everywhere you look you
see negativity and asphalt?

I'm a GENIUS!  I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!!

What makes you think you might want to dispute?

GOOD-NIGHT, everybody..  Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID
 to my pet LEISURE SUIT!!

Basically, Eliza and other such agents are only successful if you play
along; that is, if you answer questions the way they reasonably expect
you to.  Zippy the Pinhead is a very random character.  Since this
elisp script essentially feeds random Zippy quotes to Eliza, it
doesn't always yield a sensible conversation.  I have kept the portion
of the conversation that made the most sense (which isn't saying
much).  Since Zippy sounds crazy anyway, using his answers as those to
Eliza's questions is somewhat effective and humorous.  The only
problem is when Zippy's responses cause Eliza to issue incorrect
replies (due to limited ability to parse sentence structure).

"Julia"

I like most animals but I favor cats over dogs.  Are you a cat lover?

Yes.

Good, we can sit here agreeing for a while.

Ok, fine by me.

I have two very nice cats and a goldfish tank.  What kind of pet do
you have?

I have a cat and two plastic geckos.

Oh, I have two cats, myself.  We used to have a third cat, but we
had to give her away because she refused to use her litter box.

Really?  My cat just used the litter box a little while ago.

We did keep the litter box clean, but she was very stubborn.  Since
then, we've had no trouble with the other two.

What color are your cats?

Spats is yellow and white, and Bowtie is a gray tiger stripe pattern.

Do you have any dogs?

I used to have a dog named Lady, but we didn't have enough room to
keep her.

That sucks.  My friend would like to have a dog here, but she can't.
 

In your dreams.

What?

So when will Socks write his book?

Don't know.

That's the nice thing about cats...they keep their secrets to themselves.

--

With Julia, it is pretty important to keep on topic.  Otherwise, she
will just ignore you, or her responses will make no sense.