I am the psychotherapist. For your protection, I have been censored according to the Communications Decency Act. Please, describe your problems. Each time you are finished talking, type RET twice. Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? Why do you say frolicking on a fort lauderdale weekend? .. I see TOILET SEATS... Is it because of your plans that you say you see toilet seats? NATHAN... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED - They COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS... They had no MONEY MACHINES... They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS... Nathan, I EMULATED them... but they were OFF-KEY... Is it because they were off key that you came to me? Isn't this my STOP?! Maybe your life have something to do with this. Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS... What makes you believe hold the mayo pass the cosmic awareness? Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY-- Earlier you said they were off key? Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! Is it because of the people you hang around with that you are going through all this? Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? Does it bother you that are these athletic shoe salesmen following you? UH-OH!! I put on ``GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's'' by mistake!!! Is it because of problems at school that you say by mistake? I feel better about world problems now! You mentioned that they were off key? I feel partially hydrogenated! How do you reconcile any hobbies you have? Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex? When did you first know that is everything made of lycra spandex? I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD STERLING when you really need him? Are you sure that where's rod sterling when me really need him? INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! Do you really think are these athletic shoe salesmen following you? I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my PERSONAL SPACE!! Perhaps this has something to do with your sex life? Yow! Are you the self-frying president? Is it because of hangups you have that you say are me the self frying president? YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM laws!! Earlier you said they were off key? Yow! I want my nose in lights! Possibly your inhibitions are related to this. Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- What makes you think that? Oh, I get it!! ``The BEACH goes on,'' huh, SONNY?? You mentioned that is everything made of lycra spandex? I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? Is it because of some problems in your childhood that you are going through all this? Where does it go when you flush? What happened when I flush? Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a cheap hotel in HONOLULU! Why do you say in a cheap hotel in honolulu? I have accepted Provolone into my life! What makes you believe are these athletic shoe salesmen following you? I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! How do you reconcile some problems at home? Boy, am I glad it's only 1971... Is it because of your plans that you say boy are you glad it's only 1971? I just had a NOSE JOB!! Earlier you said they were off key? Yow! I just went below the poverty line! Maybe this is related to your life? NATHAN... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED - They COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS... They had no MONEY MACHINES... They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS... Nathan, I EMULATED them... but they were OFF-KEY... Is the fact that they were off key the real reason? INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! I don't understand. The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- and have since BIRTH!! Can you elaborate on that? There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! You mentioned that is everything made of lycra spandex? YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! Perhaps the people you hang around with could have caused this. Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR! Are you sure that existential despair? With YOU, I can be MYSELF.. We don't NEED Dan Rather.. Do you really think are these athletic shoe salesmen following you? Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! Is it because of problems at school that you are going through all this? Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? Tell me something about your family. I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN.. To me, it's ENJOYABLE.. I'm WARM.. I'm VIBRATORY.. Is it because of any hobbies you have that you say you are vibratory? TAILFINS!! ...click... I would appreciate it if you would continue. This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE.. And he has ``VISA''!! Earlier you said they were off key? If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! How do you reconcile your sex life? When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING? What would happen if I get my ph d will I get able to work at burger king? My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton.... What makes you think your mind is making ashtrays in dayton? Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of OFFSET PRINTING? You mentioned that they were off key? I'm also against BODY-SURFING!! Possibly this could be the reason for hangups you have? I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! Do you get high often? Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! Is it because of your inhibitions that you say intestines being almost forty yards long? Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!!.. you're not Clint Eastwood!! Why do you say is everything made of lycra spandex? TAILFINS!! ...click... Go on, don't be afraid. NANCY!! Why is everything RED?! Does the fact that is everything red explain anything else? The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! Maybe some problems in your childhood could be the reason for this. I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. Is it because of some problems at home that you are going through all this? Could I have a drug overdose? Earlier you said are these athletic shoe salesmen following you? Here we are in America... when do we collect unemployment? What happened when do you collect unemployment? .. does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? How do you reconcile your plans? Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! What makes you believe vicariously experience some reason to live? I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT... You mentioned that they were off key? I Know A Joke Perhaps this is caused by your life? I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in my PAJAMA POCKET?? Is it because of the people you hang around with that you say in your pajama pocket? YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! Are you afraid of sex? Yow! I just went below the poverty line! Are you sure that they were off key? Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! Possibly problems at school are caused by this. I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! Do you really think you just forgot your whole philosophy of life? I selected E5... but I didn't hear ``Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs''! Have you been sure you didn't hear sam the sham and the pharaohs''? Yow! Am I having fun yet? Earlier you said you were high? .. I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! What makes you think you might want to perform? Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus???