This is not necessarily the best possible conversation with the Inquisitor character. Since some responses are randomized, its reactions are sometimes difficult to predict. Also, there are quite a few topics that the Inquisitor knows about which are not covered in this conversation, since covering them all would create a very long, but very implausible conversation. This conversation can typify an average talk with the Inquisitor, though you are encouraged to talk to him yourself to enjoy the graphics if for no other reason.

Ximinez: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!  Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise.

Heretic: Isn't that two weapons?

Ximinez: Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency.

Heretic: But now that's three.

Ximinez: Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.

Heretic: Just how many weapons do you have anyway?

Ximinez: Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless eficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... and nice red uniforms... oh damn I wasn't supposed to say that!

Heretic: You guys are pretty confused.  What do you want anyway?

Ximinez: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church.  How do you plead?

Heretic: Um, innocent?

Ximinez: Not guilty?  Ha ha ha!  We'll soon change your mind about that.  Cardinal - the rack! ... now, how do you plead?

Heretic: What kind of a rack is that?

Ximinez: The rack is only the first of our diabolical instruments of torture!

Heretic: That's a drying rack.  I don't think it's the kind of rack you want.

Ximinez: Yes, I know it's not a very effective rack, but you'll just have to pretend, now won't you.  Now, confess!

Heretic: Um, alright.  I'm still not guilty, though.

Ximinez: You are guilty as sin.  You are guilty of consorting with devils.  You are guilty of witchcraft.  You are guilty of witchcraft.  You are guilty of heresy.  You are guilty of hanky-panky.  You are... Wait, forget that last part, but you are guilty!

Heretic: Hanky-panky?  Why don't you want to talk about that?

Ximinez: I don't even know what you're talking about.  I'm a man of the church.  I'd never be involved in hanky-panky... What?  Oh nevermind her.  Biggles, get her out of here!

Heretic: Um, right.  And you're calling me guilty?

Ximinez: You most certainly are guilty.  You have one last chance to save yoruself.  Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly... two last chances.  And you shall be free...  You have three last chances.

Heretic: You really aren't very good at counting, are you?

Ximinez: Counting?  Why would you think I had a problem with... stop trying to distract me.  Let us discuss your Satanic dalliances.

Heretic: I haven't had any satanic dalliances.

Ximinez: Hah, so you are in league with the devil!  You must be cleansed.  Cardinal - bring out the soft pillows!

Heretic: Soft pillows?  What kind of torture is that?

Ximinez: I see that you are made of harder stuff.  We must use more painful means of torture.  Cardinal - bring out... the comfy chair!

Heretic: So, what's torturous about that?

Ximinez: Now that you are in the comfy chair, you will stay there until lunchtime, with only a cup of coffee at eleven.  This torture will not end unless you confess your sins.

Heretic: Oh no!  How diabolical!

Ximinez: Ha ha ha ha!  You thought you could get away with your diabolical deeds.  Well now we are here, and you shall be punished.  Your only hope is to admit to your sins.

Heretic: But what sins am I supposed to admit to?

Ximinez: Tell me more of your sins.

Heretic: What sins?  I haven't committed any sins.

Ximinez: You have sinned against God, you have sinned against the Church, and you have sinned against mankind.  You must confess your sins or be damned!

Heretic: Well, what do you consider to be a sin?

Ximinez: Your sins are what will drag your soul to hell.  You must confess.

Heretic: Well, I don't really want to end up in hell, but I'm still not sure what I've done.

Ximinez: As much as it pains be to be near one as ungodly as yourself, I shall hear your confesion.  It is my duty.

Heretic: I'm not ungodly.

Ximinez: Eternal damnation awaits those who have committed deeds such as your own.  Repent now before it is too late.

Heretic: Okay, I want to repent.  What sins should I confess?

Ximinez: And how does this relate to your witchcraft?

Heretic: Witchcraft, now you're talking.

Ximinez: It is clear that you have been involved in witchcraft.  Do you know what we do with witches?

Heretic: Burn them?

Ximinez: We burn witches like you.  And do you know why witches burn?

Heretic: Because they're made of wood?

Ximinez: Yes, witches are made of wood.  That's why they burn.  We have ways of telling whether you are a witch.  Do you know what they are.

Heretic: No.

Ximinez: If you weigh the same as a duck, then you are made of wood, and therefore a witch.  Of course, that test will not be necessary, since we will have your signed confession.

Heretic: But I don't want to sign a confession.

Ximinez: Indeed, tell me more.

Heretic: Okay, okay.  I confess.

Ximinez: You cannot distract the Spanish Inquisition from their holy duty.  We will hear your full confession of all of your sins.  Perhaps you can start with your contracts with the devil.

Heretic: The devil?  I've never met him.

Ximinez: Only Satan himself could be more truly evil than you.  Admit your heinous sins, and repent!

Heretic: I repent!  Just leave me alone!

Ximinez: Now, tell me of the deals that you have made with the evil one.

Heretic: I haven't.

Ximinez: Good, keep talking.  Reveal your true perversity.

Heretic: But I'm not lying.  I'm not perverse.

Ximinez: The sheer perversity of your sins makes me sick.  But I am strong in my faith.  I will hear your confession, even if we need to torture you for weeks!

Heretic: You don't seem to have very effective torture.

Ximinez: Humph, the comfy chair does not seem torturous enough for you.  We shall make it worse by shouting.  Confess!  Confess!  CONFESS!

Heretic: I confess

Ximinez: You are accused of heresy on three counts.  Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action... four counts.  How do you plead?

Heretic: Okay, I'm guilty!

Ximinez: Tell me more of your guilt?  What ungodly acts have you performed?  Witchcraft?  Consorting with devils?  Hanky-panky? ... Wait, scratch that last one.

Heretic: Yeah, hanky-panky.  That's what I've done.

Ximinez: Stop talking about that.  Wouldn't you rather talk about heresy?  Yes, that was it.  You must confess your heresy.

Heretic: Okay, heresy then.  I confess my heresy.

Ximinez: Ah, well why didn't you say so sooner.  Our work here is done.  Goodbye.