Gladys:  Bastard! I saw you with that other woman!

Tommy:  What? I don't know what you're talking about.

Gladys:  Don't play dumb, asshole. You know what I'm talking about. That little slut Tina. Did you sleep with her?

Tommy:  No! Of course I didn't sleep with her!

Gladys:  If you hadn't guessed, I'm a little skeptical.

Tommy:  Take it easy, baby.

Gladys:  I am NOT your baby.

Tommy:  Look, I'm sorry.

Gladys:  Apology accepted, and tossed into the garbage.

Tommy:  C'mon, Gladys, it didn't mean anything!

Gladys:  Like hell it didn't! I'd kneel and pray for a quick death while you still have kneecaps.

Tommy:  I love you!

Gladys:  I love you, too. But you're still going to have to die.

Tommy:  Why are you so mad at me?

Gladys:  Because I feel like it, dork.

Tommy:  Look, it's not what you think.

Gladys:  Then, pray tell, what the hell is it? 

Tommy:  Look, just shut up for a second.

Gladys:  I won't shut up until this matter is resolved. Or you die a terrible death, whichever comes first.

Tommy:  What can I do?

Gladys:  You could try showering me with flowers, but I'll just give them back to you at your funeral.

Tommy:  Okay, fine. I brought you some roses.

Gladys:  That would've been a nice gesture before you decided to let your libido roam.

Tommy:  What do you want from me?

Gladys:  Since you asked, I'll tell you. I want you to kneel down...go ahead...

Tommy:  Okay...I'm kneeling.

Gladys:  Okay...now lean your head forward so I can kick it.

Tommy:  You are so mean!

Gladys:  Um...You can get up and continue your extended apologies. I was being sarcastic.

Tommy:  How can I make it up to you?

Gladys:  Suicide is always an option.

Tommy:  What's your problem?!?

Gladys:  Why is it always my fault, eh?

Tommy:  It's not your fault...but it's not what you think, really!

Gladys:  Do you think I'm an idiot? I'm not the one who cheated on the sister of a professional kickboxer.

Tommy:  Kickboxer?

Gladys:  Come again?

Tommy:  Your brother is a kickboxer?

Gladys:  Phil really loves me, much more than you do, apparently--and unfortunately for you.

Tommy:  What's Phil going to do to me?

Gladys:  Which appendages would you like him to crack first?

Tommy:  Don't let him kill me, please!

Gladys:  You're kidding!

Tommy:  I love you!

Gladys:  I bet you say that to all the strumpets.

Tommy:  Why are you being like this?

Gladys:  I'm not really sure. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you can't keep your pants on for one second?

Tommy:  Tina's not a strumpet, either.

Gladys:  Oh, so you do know the little harlot, eh?

Tommy:  She's a lesbian, for God's sake!

Gladys:  I highly, highly doubt that.

Tommy:  She is! She came out and confessed her homosexuality yesterday. That's why I went over.

Gladys:  Yeah, I might become one, too, after dealing with creeps like you my whole life.

Tommy:  I don't even like Tina that way.

Gladys:  You could've fooled me...but you didn't.

Tommy:  I don't like Tina, I swear!

Gladys:  It sure looked like you did from here.

Tommy:  It was just a friendly visit.

Gladys:  Don't try to make excuses.

Tommy:  I'm not making excuses! Look, you're being unreasonable!!!

Gladys:  That's the last thing I expected from your guilty little mouth.

Tommy:  Would you just stop insulting me for one second?!?

Gladys:  Are you mocking me?

Tommy:  Forgive me, please!

Gladys:  Why should I forgive you? 

Tommy:  Because I love you.

Gladys:  Don't give me any of that.

Tommy:  I'm trying to be sincere. How can I make this up to you?

Gladys:  Killing Tina would be a start. But I see you two have a special bond.

Tommy:  You didn't hear me right. I'm not guilty of anything!

Gladys:  You're not  guilty of anything?!? Please. Save it for Phil. I'm sure he'll understand.

Tommy:  I didn't sleep with her.

Gladys:  I can't take your lies anymore.

Tommy:  I can't take you anymore. I hate you!

Gladys:  Screw you, too! Fine! Good-bye!