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Original Script: Chris Connor Edited by: Phil O'Donnell Chris Connor as Customer, and anyone else female as Teller and Teller2 as appropriate. <;Opens with Teller and Customer to stage right> |
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| Teller | And I see that you've been with our bank for four weeks now, so this will be your first statement. I hope you're satisfied with our service so far. |
| Customer | Yes, yes, <;hestitancy>, fine. |
| <;pause> | |
| Teller | Is there something else? |
| <;pause> | |
| Customer | Yes, there is. I want you to know that I believe in having an open banking relationship - what I means to say is that you're not the only financial institution I'm involved with at the moment - there are a couple of other banks I see on a fairly regular basis. |
| Teller | Oh. I see. Is there anything else I should know? |
| Customer | Well, there are a handful of building societies and credit unions that I'm fairly close to, and we might conduct the occasional transaction... But that's purely on a casual basis, only if the opportunity arises and we're both in a fiscal mood. |
| Teller | But why didn't you say anything about this when you opened the account? Why didn't you say anything before now? |
| Customer | Now, hang on, I haven't lied to you, have I? I never told you that I wasn't depositing somewhere else just because I opened an account with you - and, frankly, I don't like the way you've made assumptions about the way I conduct my financial affairs. |
| Teller | Oh... ok... I'm sorry... I'll have to see if we can accommodate this. |
| Customer | I'll just be across the street. |
| <;Mime exiting bank and entering another bank across the stage where Teller2 is sitting. Meanwhile Teller is a little distressed and sorting through paperwork. Customer and Teller2 are quite obviously flirting outrageously in a banking style. (Customer probably does something out-of-context erotic like ripping a cheque out of the chequebook using teeth). Teller looks up and comes storming across stage...> | |
| Teller (to Customer) | Don't bank with her, she doesn't offer the same range of services I do. |
| Customer | I'm sorry, but you just don't extend my credit line these days. |
| Teller2 | Maybe you can offer a more personal service, but you can't dominate the economies of third world countries like I can. |
| Teller | Oh... would you like a merger? |
| Customer | Does this mean I get to bank with you both at the same time? |
| Teller and Teller2 | No!
<;and walk off leaving Customer on stage> |
| <;end sketch> |