Dave Sketch

               (2 people seated; one Male, one Female.)

F What is it? What's happening?

M I dunno...Rocket fuel's okay...no malfunctions in the electronics...
  guidance systems operational...

F Then why have we stopped?

M I dunno! It's as if the engine just switched itself off!

      (A look of realization and humour on the woman's face.)

F Nice one.

M Sorry?

F The engine's conveniently stopped, stranding just the two of us 
  millions of miles from anywhere.

M And?

F There's no need to go to all this trouble. You're not the first person
  whose engine's surprisingly broken down when there's a female passenger.
 
M I didn't do this!

F I mean, it's not that original. There is such a thing as the direct 
  approach.

M Look, it's not me!

F Of course not.

M Okay, don't believe me. I'm going outside to see if anything - hey! 
  The inner airlock door won't open!

F What a surprise!

M Will you stop doing that! Computer! We need your help!

C Good morning, Dave.

M Er...good morning, computer....I'm Brian, actually, but, could you
  open the inner airlock door, please?

C I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.

M My name is Brian!

F Computer, why can't you open it?

C It would interfere with the mission, Dave.

F Why are you calling me Dave? I'm not even a man!!!

M Let's try the back-up computer.

F Booting circuits....Back-up Computer! Speak to me!!

C2 Good morning, Dave.

M Oh no!!

F What's going on?!

C+C2 I'm afraid I can't tell you that, Dave. But it's going to be
     wonderful.

F There's got to be something we can do!

C+C2 No, there isn't, Dave. Can I sing you a song?
     [begin singing, quietly over what follows:
      Daisy, Daisy, Give me an answer do.
      I'm half crazy all for the love of you. 
      It won't be a stylish marriage - I can't afford a carriage 
      But you'd look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle made for two.]

F Call Earth!

M Yes, yes. Hello, Space Centre. Hello, Space Centre.

SC Space Centre receiving.

M Our computers have gone mad. Please advise!

SC Oh no, the HAL syndrome! It's happening all over the place! Right.
   Open the second auxiliary panel. Inside are two wires. Depress the
   Emergency button, then pull both.

F Got that.

     (Voice-over: AUTO-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED.)

F Space Centre!!??

SC (normal voice) What is it - 
   (HAL voice) Dave?

M+F Aaaaaaaaaaggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

                 (Blackout.)