Tabloid Journalists Sketch

Two journalists, one male (Andy), one female (Penelope)
They are discussing the state of their marriage in tabloid headlines.

Andy fetches them both a drink.

P: Sleazy journalist, Andy, fuels wife's drinking hell.
A: Health boffins up booze limit to 24 units per week.
P: Meddling Eurocrats change our measures.
A: ...says sexy blonde bombshell, Penelope, age 28.

(reaches over and touches hand)

Wife's refusal to have nookie more than once a month left me desperate.

P: Spark left our sex life after husband lusted after raunchy Spice Girl
Mel B.

A: (hopefully) Blonde Penelope, 36-D, drove me wild in her revealing
lingerie?

P: Hubby left me feeling dirty with his twisted sex needs.

A: (suspiciously) Tawdry affair robbed partner's sex drive?

P: Untrusting hubby slanders pure Penelope.

A: (whips out piece of paper) Phone bill was final eveidence of toy body
fling! (slams down on table)

P: (defensively) Impotent husband left me unsatisfied and craving love.

A: Cheap slut lead me on when she was sleeping around! (slaps her)

P: (throws drink in his face) Twelve times a night illicit sex god taught
me how to be a woman. (storms off)

A: (miserably) Only girl I loved left me lonely and broken... hand shandy
Andy.