Sports

Boston, MA - This past weekend, MIT math professor Haynes Miller was spotted hanging out at a popular Boston nightclub with an entourage of seven MIT students. When interviewed about his weekend outing, Professor Miller stated, "I thoroughly enjoyed 'getting my groove on' - that's how the younger generation talks, you gotta learn their lingo, ya hear? fo sure.  Yeah, I was 'bumpin' to popular dance hits like "Can't get you outta my head" by Kylie Minogue, that c'mon ride the train song, and some 'old school' classics from that Snoopy doggy dog guy. I've never had this much fun dancing ever since my disco days."

	Professor Miller, six D-entry residents, and honorary guest Albert Su ('05) danced the night away at a Boston nightclub last weekend.

Professor Miller's students in his 18.03 differential equations class were not surprised to hear about his clubbing incident. From the first day of class, Miller made it apparent that he was not just another boring math professor who talked to the board. He often elicited class participation by having students raise numbered flash cards to answer questions ranging from "what's the homogeneous solution to this differential equation?" to "how many windmills should I bust tonight when I'm break dancing?"

One of his students, who wished to remain anonymous, made the following observation "Yeah, Haynes Killa is phat yo. He's an awesome math teacher, but man, have you ever seen him freestyle before classes? I'd fail his class just so I could take it again." When asked if he was a suck-up, the student declined to answer and promptly ran away.

D-entry resident Jenny Smith ('05) remarked, "Yeah, when I walked into the first lecture and he was humming the tune to P. Diddy's 'Bad Boy for Life' into his clip microphone, I knew that it was on!"

Almost every one of Miller's students the Jackfruit interviewed had something to contribute about his dynamic teaching style or his rapport with popular youth culture. He has often been called a baller, shot-caller, and/or brawler, although the students making those statements did not elaborate on the meaning of their colloquialisms.

	Professor Miller looks on in disappointment as his TA cites their "wicked big age difference" as a reason why they can't "hang out" next Saturday night.

However hardcore he may appear, Professor Miller does not limit himself to the hip-hop, techno, and trance niches. "Yes, although my roots are with my brothers 'keeping it real', I 'lay it down' for the white boys too.  I've been caught in acts such as 'crowd surfing' and 'moshing' in venues such as Blink-182 and Foo Fighters concerts."

Surprisingly, the seven MIT students who were spotted with Miller at the club, amongst them six D-entry residents, all declined offers for interviews. They issued a joint statement to the Jackfruit "Dude, that picture is so doctored up in Photoshop! Just look at how crappy the edge clipping is, and the shadows are all off!  You idiots!  We never went to a club with Haynes Miller!" The Jackfruit is currently in collaboration with the mental health division of MIT Medical in an attempt to discover what is wrong with these eight individuals.