MITThe Dean's Gallery
. . .
 
Camille Utterback:
Dancing on the Edge

June 20, 1996 through September 7, 1996

Curated by Michelle Fiorenza



Once in a figure drawing class my teacher asked me how I was feeling. "Very frustrated, extremely frustrated, kind of bummed out and anxious," I answered. "Funny, Your work doesn't look that way," he said, "Maybe you should let some of that emotion show in your work. . ." - a comment for which I will always be grateful because it unlocked an important door. I have learned that my best paintings happen only when I am completely present, letting all of my self, all of my feelings both beautiful and ugly exist on the canvas. When I consciously strive to put all of my self into a painting, however, I often end up "loosing" myself in the process of painting. When I finish a piece sometimes I look at it and wonder, "where did this come from?" "Did each intricate complicated mark on the paper really come from my brain controlling my hand?" The answer is both yes and no. The feeling is both liberating and scary. My actor and actress friends speak of how, when they are really "in character", really performing a part well, it is not as if their "self" is present at all. Instead the character speaks through them. Often when I paint I feel that something other than myself is flowing through me. Painting for me is thus a complex dance on the infinitely sharp line between complete control and utter abandon. Dancing on that edge I find terror, elation, suprise and occaisionally a painting I want to frame and share with the world.

I also believe that,

"Creativity requires risk. Risk often results in failure. The courage to try and fail demands self confidence which relies on family, friends and a community of support." Thank you all.

(quote from a plaque on the studio art building at my alma matter, Williams College)


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