[My Fun-o-Rama]

(Please see the very important note at the bottom of this table.)

Table of Condiments
That Periodically Go Bad

I XVI
1
My
Mayonnaise
3 months		 II III IV XI XII XIII XIV XV 2
S
Salt
N/A
3
H
Hollandaise
1 day		 4
B
Butter
1.5 months		 5
Mw
Miracle Whip
3 months		 6
Hu
Hummus
1 week		 V VI VII VIII IX X 7
Od
Onion Dip
2 weeks		 8
Tt
Tartar Sauce
3 months		 9
V
Vinegar
3-5 years		 10
M
Mustard
6-8 months		 11
K
Ketsup
5 months		 12
P
Pepper
4 years
13
Be
Bernaise
2 days		 14
Ga
Garlic Sauce
1 day		 15
Cc
Cream Cheese
2 weeks		 16
Ti
Tahini Sauce
1 month		 17
Bl
Bleu Cheese
2 months		 18
R
Ranch
2 months		 19
Pb
Peanut Butter
4 months		 20
Lx
Lox
2 weeks		 21
Pi
Pickles
6 months		 22
Po
Pearl Onion
8 months		 23
Cr
Croutons
2 months		 24
Cs
Cocktail Sauce
6-8 months		 25
Fi
Fish Sauce
5 months		 26
Ym
Yellow Mustard
6-8 months		 27
Ci
Chili Sauce
6-8 months		 28
Sg
Sugar
2 years
29
Gc
Guacamole
2 days		 30
Ws
White Sauce
2 days		 31
Sc
Sour Cream
3 weeks		 32
Th
Special Sauce
2 months		 32A
Th
1,000 Island
2 months		 33
Ma
Marmalade
2 months		 34
V
Vegemite
2 months		 35
Sy
Syrup
8 months		 36
Re
Relish
6 months		 37
Go
Green Olive
9 months		 38
Ln
Lemon
2 months		 39
Gs
Green Salsa
2 months		 40
Sw
Sweet-n-Sour
4-5 months		 41
Gm
Germ. Mustard
6-8 months		 42
Ss
Steak Sauce
1 year		 43
Nu
Aspartame
N/A
44
G
Gravy
3 days		 45
Ch
Cheese Sauce
1 week		 46
Wc
Whipped Cream
2 weeks		 47
Vg
Vinaigrette
2 months		 48
F
French
2 months		 49
J
Jelly
4-5 months		 50
Nt
Nutella
4 months		 51
Fu
Fudge Sauce
6-8 months		 52
Hr
Horseradish
6-8 months		 53
Jñ
Jalapeño
6 months		 54
Oo
Olive Oil
6 months		 55
Rs
Red Sauce
2 months		 56
Sf
Stir-Fry Sauce
8 months		 57
Dj
Dijonnaise
6-8 months		 58
Ts
Taco Sauce
2 years		 59
Xx
Saccharin
N/A
60
Au
Au Jus
3 days		 61
Cz
Cheese Wiz
N/A		 62
Mg
Margarine
6 months		 63
Ch
Chutney
5 months		 64
Hm
Honey Mustard
2 months		 65
H
Honey
8 months		 66
Pe
Peanut Sauce
8 months		 67
Cp
Choc. Syrup
6-8 months		 68
Bo
Baco Bits
N/A		 69
Pm
Pimento
9 months		 70
Ds
Duck Sauce
4-5 months		 71
Wu
Worcestershire
1 year		 72
So
Soy Sauce
1 year		 73
Bq
BBQ Sauce
6-8 months		 74
Ta
Tabasco
2-5 years		 75
X
Maraschino
N/A

A page that identifies itself as "The strange and true story of The Periodic Table of Condiments". The original version of this table (which I have shamelessly copied, colorized, and make no intellectual property claims upon) has the following attribution:

"This invaluable scientific tool brought to you by F.N.O.R.D., with special thanks to that design genius, Ben Day."

Since I continue to receive messages quibbling with the contents of this chart, allow me to be more specific:

I didn't write this f***ing thing. I take no responsibility for any of the information on it.
It's supposed to be a joke. Again -- if you think I wrote this, then you would be wrong.

Okay? So if you have a burning desire to tell someone that Peanut Sauce only lasts six and one-half months, or whatever, please write to the Secret Service detail in charge of guarding the President. They love to get mail like that. But don't bother writing to me. Thank you. --- The Management

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or all the way Up to The Dr Foo Home Page.