[My Fun-o-Rama]

(Please see the very important note at the bottom of this table.)

Table of Condiments
That Periodically Go Bad

I XVI
1
My
Mayonnaise
3 months
II III IV XI XII XIII XIV XV 2
S
Salt
N/A
3
H
Hollandaise
1 day
4
B
Butter
1.5 months
5
Mw
Miracle Whip
3 months
6
Hu
Hummus
1 week
V VI VII VIII IX X 7
Od
Onion Dip
2 weeks
8
Tt
Tartar Sauce
3 months
9
V
Vinegar
3-5 years
10
M
Mustard
6-8 months
11
K
Ketsup
5 months
12
P
Pepper
4 years
13
Be
Bernaise
2 days
14
Ga
Garlic Sauce
1 day
15
Cc
Cream Cheese
2 weeks
16
Ti
Tahini Sauce
1 month
17
Bl
Bleu Cheese
2 months
18
R
Ranch
2 months
19
Pb
Peanut Butter
4 months
20
Lx
Lox
2 weeks
21
Pi
Pickles
6 months
22
Po
Pearl Onion
8 months
23
Cr
Croutons
2 months
24
Cs
Cocktail Sauce
6-8 months
25
Fi
Fish Sauce
5 months
26
Ym
Yellow Mustard
6-8 months
27
Ci
Chili Sauce
6-8 months
28
Sg
Sugar
2 years
29
Gc
Guacamole
2 days
30
Ws
White Sauce
2 days
31
Sc
Sour Cream
3 weeks
32
Th
Special Sauce
2 months
32A
Th
1,000 Island
2 months
33
Ma
Marmalade
2 months
34
V
Vegemite
2 months
35
Sy
Syrup
8 months
36
Re
Relish
6 months
37
Go
Green Olive
9 months
38
Ln
Lemon
2 months
39
Gs
Green Salsa
2 months
40
Sw
Sweet-n-Sour
4-5 months
41
Gm
Germ. Mustard
6-8 months
42
Ss
Steak Sauce
1 year
43
Nu
Aspartame
N/A
44
G
Gravy
3 days
45
Ch
Cheese Sauce
1 week
46
Wc
Whipped Cream
2 weeks
47
Vg
Vinaigrette
2 months
48
F
French
2 months
49
J
Jelly
4-5 months
50
Nt
Nutella
4 months
51
Fu
Fudge Sauce
6-8 months
52
Hr
Horseradish
6-8 months
53

Jalapeño
6 months
54
Oo
Olive Oil
6 months
55
Rs
Red Sauce
2 months
56
Sf
Stir-Fry Sauce
8 months
57
Dj
Dijonnaise
6-8 months
58
Ts
Taco Sauce
2 years
59
Xx
Saccharin
N/A
60
Au
Au Jus
3 days
61
Cz
Cheese Wiz
N/A
62
Mg
Margarine
6 months
63
Ch
Chutney
5 months
64
Hm
Honey Mustard
2 months
65
H
Honey
8 months
66
Pe
Peanut Sauce
8 months
67
Cp
Choc. Syrup
6-8 months
68
Bo
Baco Bits
N/A
69
Pm
Pimento
9 months
70
Ds
Duck Sauce
4-5 months
71
Wu
Worcestershire
1 year
72
So
Soy Sauce
1 year
73
Bq
BBQ Sauce
6-8 months
74
Ta
Tabasco
2-5 years
75
X
Maraschino
N/A

A page that identifies itself as "The strange and true story of The Periodic Table of Condiments". The original version of this table (which I have shamelessly copied, colorized, and make no intellectual property claims upon) has the following attribution:

"This invaluable scientific tool brought to you by F.N.O.R.D., with special thanks to that design genius, Ben Day."

Since I continue to receive messages quibbling with the contents of this chart, allow me to be more specific:

I didn't write this f***ing thing. I take no responsibility for any of the information on it.
It's supposed to be a joke. Again -- if you think I wrote this, then you would be wrong.

Okay? So if you have a burning desire to tell someone that Peanut Sauce only lasts six and one-half months, or whatever, please write to the Secret Service detail in charge of guarding the President. They love to get mail like that. But don't bother writing to me. Thank you. --- The Management


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