Don't say	What to say
---------	-----------

old		chronologically gifted
crippled	differently-abled
blind		visually differently-abled
deaf		audiologically special
dead		metabolically challenged (formerly Necro-American)
ugly		cosmetically oppressed
puny           	differently vertical
bald		follicle-impaired
asinine        	special
fatso		person of mass
animal		person of species
female		person of gender
male		vaginally challenged
gay		person of alternative gender-affinity, or
		of diverse socio-carnal orientation, or
		of alternative genderatory preferentiation
grouchy		other-mooded
tedious		attentionally disabling
lost 		positionally challenged (or locationally challenged)
unreal		metaphysically problematic
lazy		motivationally impaired
evil		ethically alternative
clumsy		gravitationally challenged, uniquely coordinated
smelly		olfactorially alternative, nondiscretionarily fragranced
stupid		differently clued

dirty old man   sexually focused chronologically gifted individual
panhandler      unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding
dishonest       ethically disoriented