[Square & Compasses]
Subject: London (East) Ritual
Date: Wed, 25 Jun 97 23:29:20 +0200
From: Unknown

Masonic Opening Ritual (East End style)

Opening the Lodge

WM: OK Bruvvers, ere's the brief

WM: Tickle them ivories John.

WM: Bruvvers, 'elp us to open this 'ere gaff

WM: Bruvver..... why do we 'ave to look lively?

JW: To make sure the wood's in the 'ole, Guvnor.

WM: Well, don't just stand there

JW to IG: OK, Bruvver.... you 'eard the Guv

IG to JW: Done, John.

JW to WM: Done, Guv.

WM to SW: The next bit?

SW: To see that the Bruvvers are all in the firm.

WM: Come on, Bruvvers, shake a leg.

WM to JW: 'ow much top brass in this 'ere drum?

JW: Free Guv. You and the two oppo's wiv the cuffs.

WM to SW: Bruvver SW, 'ow many others?

SW: Free John, besides the bouncer, namely the bloke on the door and the two geezers wiv the pool cues.

WM to JW: Where's the bouncer then?

JW: Outside the gaff, all tooled up.

WM: Why's that then?

JW: E's packing a blade in case we're busted Guv.

WM to SW: The bloke on the door?

SW: 'overin abaht a bit

WM: Wot the 'ell for?

SW: To check the tickets, admit new punters and do wot e's told by my oppo.

WM to JW: Where's the JD?

JW: Over there.

WM: Why?

JW: To grass to you, Guv and chivvy 'em all up a bit.

WM to SW: And the other one?

SW: Next to you Guv.

WM: Why?

SW: Errand boy, Guvnor.

WM to JW: Bruvver JW, wot abaht you?

JW: On the sidelines. Guv

WM: Why?

JW: To nip dahn the pub wiv the bruvvers, get some booze and grub, and get em all back 'ere before the last bell.

WM to SW: Bruvver SW, wot abaht you?

SW: Down the shallow end Guv.

WM: Wot the 'ell for?

SW: To let 'em know when its ligh'ing up time and to close down the gaff when all the bruvvers 'ave 'ad their cut.

WM to IPM: Where am I?

IPM: At the sharp end, Guv

WM: Why's that then?

IPM: To keep them lot on their toes, open the gaff and get 'em at it.

WM: Bruvvers, now that we're all 'ere, its eyes down for a full 'ouse, but before we do, lets get the boss in the technical drawing department to tip us the wink so there's no aggro.

ALL: Nice one, Guvnor!

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