[Dorothy arrives near Student Center]

Narrator: Dorothy, a student, and her dog? Arrive confused at the steps of the MIT Student Center

Dorothy: Oh my, something tells me are not in Kansas anymore. All I wanted was a drink of water, and that hose must have moved us halfway across the country. (to a student) where am I?

Student 1: You're at MIT. Are you a freshman?

D: I'm from Kansas. There was this hose and I tried to take a drink and it just blew up.

S: Everyone feels that way at first, but be prepared - your classes haven't even started yet. Once they do, you'll feel really hosed. Go into the student center and go up to the second floor. They'll give you all the information you need.

D: But I need to get home.

St Don't worry it's just your first day. You'll be homesick for a while but you'll get used to it. Just go in there and they'll tell you how to get out of here successfully. Good luck.

[Dorothy goes into the student center to the Orientation desk]

D: Can you help me get home?

Orientation person: Heh heh. Well, we'll do our best to help you here. here's your temp room assignment. Here's a map and your athena packet. You should go upstairs after this to log in...this will be very important to you here. You'll never make it through without it. After you log in, it'll tell you the rest. Next!

[Upstairs in the athena cluster]

D: This is where I'm supposed to go? How do I get in? There's a telephone pad on the door.

Student2: Here, I'll let you in. Look in your athena packet for the code. It'll also tell you howto log in.

D: Thanks.

[Dorothy sits down]

D: Okay, first register for account. Okay. I need to come up with a username. Let me see.. Dorothy 1. Okay, now let's add orientation... Hmmm… it says follow the infinite road. What could that mean.. follow the infinite road.

[Athena appears out of nowhere]

[Dorothy walks out of the student center toward mass ave. eyeing the crosswalk signal. It turns to walk and starts to chime. No Charm Guy runs into her.]

No Charm Guy: Oh! I'm so sorry. Let me help you. Are you hurt? I'll get those... [going for her arm]

D: Don't worry, I'm fine.

NCG: (rushing) Oh, those books are mine, I can't do anything right. I knock people over, no girls will talk to me. (to himself) What's wrong with me? Mr. Charm, right (sarcastically).

D: [A car nearly misses a pedestrian] That car completely ran the red light! That girl there could have been hurt. This crosswalk is so dangerous.

NCG: Yeah, I guess. Well, no. You see, I'm such a klutz. I have no coordination and have such bad luck with girls. …(ad lib complaints)

[Song: If I only had some charm]

D: Well, I'm going to see President Vest, and he's going to help me get home. Maybe he could help you too.

NCG: You think he could give me some charm?

D: Sure. This must be the entrance. C'mon, let's go!

[They go to automatic doors - two people sweeping back and forth - D goes thru right door, NCG doesn't and gets crushed]

NCG: (Pathetically) Ow.

D: Look, it's the beginning of the infinite corridor!

[They approach SSC]

D: Student Services Center. What's that?

NCG: Oh, that's the place where students go to...(collides with rushing student - No A Girl) Ouch!

No A Girl: Ow! Sorry! (to herself) It's orientation and I'm so stressed already, must drop, must drop, must drop... (neurotically)

D: Hey! What's wrong?

NAG: Well, I have such trouble with my classes. Last year was wonderful with pass/fail, but I barely passed. I just can't seem to get an A.

NCG: I just can't seem to get a date.

D: I just can't seem to get home.

NAG: I'm just so worried about my grades.

[Song: If i only had an A]

D: Hey, maybe the President can help you with your grades.

NAG: Do you think?

D: I'm sure of it

[Approach Lobby 10 *we could cut this if needed* Vendors yell out]

Vendor1: (to group) Buy a Logs CD!!

Vendor2: Medlinks Valentine Condoms!

Vendor3: Want a coconut bun?

Vendor4: MTG Tickets!

D: Condoms, Logs, and buns, oh my!

NAG: Let's get out of here, I think class is letting out.

D: I guess this'll be my first class...8.02. Homework due on the first day? Who does this Mr. Evil think he is?

Prof Evil: That's professor Evil to you, young lady! So, you didn't like my first assignment? That was just the beginning.. for your next problem set, I have assigned 1 million questions! (pinky motion)

[Classroom erupts with laughter; students whisper to each other]

NCG: Ha! I had at least 3 million questions for a 6.001 problem set...he must think this is 8.02 for sloanies!

[Evil Flying TA whispers to PE]

PE: (clears his throat) Sorry.. .1 meant.. one hundred billion problems! (pinky motion, maniacal laughter)

D: I'm glad that's over. Let's go grab a bite to eat ..this Bldg. 4 cafe looks good. (walking towards cafe) They must have good food, just look at that long line

[Student stumbles out gripping stomach]

Student3: Ohhh. my stomach...I feel ill...

CO: Last night, I didn't sleep at all... stupid stack overflow!

CO: Print my name... If only [could code.. .1 don't belong at MIT...

CG: Really, that'd be great! Let's go!

D: Augh. ..these are really uncomfortable chairs. .1 don't think anyone could fall asleep here... [Person walks by with sign "5 Minutes Later" entire group is asleep while lecturer is at board]

Lecturer: So there's Stokes' theorem... next time we'll continue on... (ad lib)

D: (waking up) Oh no! We fell asleep! C'mon guys lets go. (walking out of 26-100) I don’t even know where to go.

Student4: All you have to do is go to the Emerald Tower, and all your problems will be solved. (walks away)

Student5: Just go to the end of the infinite road. It's the tallest building around.

D: Look, that looks like a tall building.

CO: Oh! It's the Green building, duh! Let's go!

CG: Here it is, 54-100.

CV: (to CO) You get a transfer form for Course 15. You'll never have to worry about coding again. And for you (to NCG): we have The perfect program. We'll get you enrolled in Charm School and you'll look like a stud and have all the charm.