(To the tune of "Opening Ceremony" in "Chess"--the Merchandiser chorus)

Whether you're Azure or Crimson
Or could not care less
We are here to tell you
It will be an awful mess...

And the chance of your escaping from the flames
Without our Hegemonic dames--
You could fit it in a thimble
'cause it's nil - yes it's nil
If you think we're loopy we just 
hope you'll chill.

When you get out--
When your Kaufman tube ejects you
Till your system's fried
You will have to live your life
With Anya, Sook, and Kye...

Clean your guns and watch your ammo
Just in case
The bad guys want to force the pace
You could even man a blaster
Learn to shoot
Just as long as you show us you give a hoot...