akhripin (Alex) - "I bet that Aragorn, being a Ranger, can brew up all sorts of potent shampoos and conditioners."

"Phife is nice.. he's like a short-haired Jesus!" - Alex

"Ping me, baby." - Cwalsh (Chris Walsh)

"I AM AN ICE-COLD NINJA!" - Alex, brandishing a normal-sized ice cube (while wearing a bathrobe)

"An ice cube the size of Jesus." - Alex, re: the giant beer fridge freeze-over

Vogt: "I don't know where Don gets his energy from... Oh right, that exercise thing..."
dmariel: "Hm.. I was going to say Satan, but you're probably right."

dmariel: what you say?
cwalsh: In AD 2101, athena prompt was beginning
cwalsh: captain, you know what you type "emacs .environment"
cwalsh: move "add consult", for great justice

"I'm not going to Hell-squared, Don." - Kim

Kim: "Skittles are scary; they're like the candy of death."
jenketdr (Don): "The *candy of death*?? They're the color of the *rainbow*!"

"I still don't want to go well with salad." - Kim

"Coffee in the morning, coffee in the evening, coffee at suppertime! When you've got ..ummmm.. cream and sugar, you can drink coffee anytime!" - Kim and Diandra

"That's like the coolest trick ever: studying, and then you know stuff! It feels like cheating..." - Kim

"Phenotypical allies... that sounds like a great insult!" - Kim

"It's kind of a perversely satisfying thing to be the obsessive-compulsive conscience of the nation." - Kim

"Aaaaaahh, fish!!" - C.Walsh

Re: getting Kim to like coffee
Vogt: oh dear god. we're such a bad influence on that girl. first coffee, soon booze, then what, smoking. we're all going straight to hell
. . .
[but Kim's synagogue sent her a coffee thermos, so obviously God wants her to drink coffee]
Diandra: i want my new nickname to be The Hand Of God
Vogt: . . . . .ummmmm
Vogt: right, that's a zsig

"So you'd no longer be a foolish little zombie, but an intelligent vampire. Something higher up in the undead hierarchy." - Alex, re: Diandra before and after drinking coffee

"I am not evil and I am not sinister and I do *not* grind up babies!" - Kim

"Although frankly, if aliens messed with me when they were bored that would be a very convenient explanation for *so much*." - Kim

"I suppose aliens would be the most logical explanation.." - Kim

... "where by "aliens" I mean "unicorns" and by "explanation" I mean "choice of bedroom theme"." - Kim

"Aliens listen to ultramagnetic" - aca3 (Phife)

Kim: there's something weird about the assertion that aliens are more benevolent than doctors
Vogt: the aliens are bored, the doctors want the kizzash

Some west-campusy frosh: "Hey, anyone know if Virgil's home?"
Don: "Hey, turn on the VirgilCam."

Diandra: "Who puts an unlabeled thing [box] of things [ice cream sandwiches] in the freezer like that??"
Kim: "God."
(it turned out to be Phife... he wasn't very happy..
Our Phife, he is a vengeful Phife! - Kim)

"I admit, the power of suggestion may have had something to do with the mealworms' ability to run the maze. .... You know how ten-year-old kids think their sea monkeys are talking to them?" - Kim

"The crevice [in my bed] tends to fill with all kinds of things, like squid." - Cwalsh

Alex: "Fear is the mind-killer."
Kim: "Yeahh yeahh.."
Alex (indignantly): "Dude! Fear is totally the mind-killer!"

Alex (singing): "I have class because I drink from a glass! Genghis Khan drank from an aluminum can!"
Di: "Did he, now?"
Alex: "Yes, especially before raping and pillaging. Claude Monet, on the other hand, drank from a glass."

Alex: "That was no dream Kim! That was the nightmare that is your existence!"

Alex (singing and hugging his nerd kit): "I looove my nerdkit! ... It makes me more of a man, yeah!"

Di: "Aliens don't care what you look like, they're equal-opportunity probers!"
Vogt: "...That's a phrase I never thought I'd hear."

"If you're going to invent 666 different fonts in which to write 'Satan', you could try drawing Satan in different ways to match each font." - jessiehl (Jessie), to Alex

"That's the taste of hate. Drink it. Relish it. Make it a part of you. Only hatred has the power to rule term" - cwalsh
"I think I already have too much hate in my diet, though." - dmariel

(Re: "Witch-hunter Robin" anime series) "Christian-hunter Pontius Pilate! And get this - it could have a 'pilate' episode! ..Bada-boom!" - Alex

"Hoppity *nothing*! ...Moo moo moo, I'm a cow." - Alex, to Cartoon Network/Adult Swim

"There can be only one!" - Alex, re: the fight for supremacy in the hall between Chrisses Vogt and Walsh

"My cat drinks only the finest of lagers." - Alex

"I'm not moving; my frame of reference is." - Phife, drunkenly slipping to the floor

"You're a plum fairy... sugar plum fairy! Except without the sugar... so you're like the 'bitter plum fairy.'" - C.Walsh to Di

some guy named Mike: "You know where Leekai is?"
Vogt: "We ate him."

Rax: My sleep schedule is made entirely of magic.
Alex: Mine is made out of stupid.

"Ew, Don, don't touch me with your flesh-fork!" - Caitlin, who's vegetarian

"I! will! kill! everything that stands in my waaayy.." - Alex (singing), going down the hall with a piece of metal vaguely resembling an axe (actually part of his robot)

Alex: "there's an ignorance-hole, and I'm in it ... but I prefer to think of it as a cave of smugness"

"I must be really tired; I forgot about the existence of children for a minute." - Di

"It's pH-balanced for *death*!" - Alex, re: Drain-o

Kim: "Well.."
Don: "No!"
Kim: "What? I was going to answer your question."
Don: "It was a rhetorical question!"
Kim: "It can't be, by definition a rhetorical question is unanswerable."
Alex: "No, it just means the speaker doesn't expect an answer."
Kim: "Well then -"
Don: "No!"
Kim: "I don't feel the need to meet your expectations, Don."

Alex: "Hey Di, you know what time it is?"
Di: "12:35?"
Alex: "Actually, it's gaseous aromatic hydrocarbon time."
(after disappearing back to the table outside the kitchen): "... But this time I'll work by a window!"

"Sheep entrails was *my* idea!" - Kim, cheerfully

"...so I would just sit there, and hate things!" - Crystle

"After an arduous discussion about coffins, I enjoy the refreshing taste of Canada Dry! It keeps the morbidness flowing. ..Mmm, its crisp taste reminds me of the icy grip of death!" - Alex

"Hey favorite! Meoowwww! Meoooow! .... Ow ow ow, not with the claws!" - Don, to Anath (cat)

"'Chaka, when the walls fell' sounds so much cooler than 'you suck'." - Kim

"It was like a train wreck... on the Titanic... launched in space." - Kim

"Wow... Diandra is so much gother than any of us could ever hope to be. We could only aspire to be as goth as the shadow of her goth-ness... Oh wait. Shadows are goth. Perhaps we could aspire to be as goth as the reflection of light from her goth-ness." - Alex, as paraphrased by Kim, after seeing the Black Heart Box nailed outside her door on Valentine's Day ("'She shames us all' was in there, too.")

"I *like* to revel in my dorkiness! It makes me feel alive!" - Kim

"It was a GREAT magazine! I totally would have slept with it..." "under my pillow!" - Kim

Kim: Illegality gives me tummy aches.
Di: Well, we'll find you some pills.

Alex: I need an old-ass toothbrush.
Natan: You need an ass toothbrush?
Alex: Yes, I've been feeding my ass a lot of sweets lately so it has cavities.
later... Alex goes past my door and says "I use Cadbury-brand supositories."

"Fine, I will not eat the victims of my microwave defense system. Will *that* make you happy?" - Alex, to Kim

"I am Alex StormGnat, bringer of petty arguments!" - Alex

"I have to say, Chris... drinking water out of a plastic bag: that's an eccentricity. Stockpiling many bags of water: that's a problem." - Kim, to Cwalsh

"And I don't even know what my third-level Carebear stare would be.... I'd probably explode in a shower of Hanta virus." - Kimmy

akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin 11:22 (Why are you here?)
If elves had tarot:
akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin 11:22 (Why are you here?)
Most of the cards would be the same: "Long life. Woods.
Stability." or some such.
-> akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin 11:23 (Why are you here?)
But there'd be a few bad ones in the deck, like "The Horde"
or "The Sauron"
akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin 11:24 (Why are you here?)
The Silmaril card, normally, represents craftsmanship,
purity, and skill. But inverted... oh shit man! You gots
twisted desire, treachery, and kinslaying.
akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin 11:25 (Why are you here?)
Maybe they'll have a "Tights" card. Representing bad
fashion.

akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin 12:26 (Why are you here?)
who is that trying to scare the snakes out of Ireland?
akhripin / personal / cwalsh 12:28 (___r_t)
it seemed to be a pack of GRTs
-> akhripin / PERSONAL / kbeth 12:30
I wasn't aware they travelled in packs
"Then I hit them with a stick and they ran away." - Cwalsh

"Try not to dip your hands into anything carcinogenic on the way downstairs." - Kim to Vogt

"Sure sure, squandering time is fun *while* you're doing it. But afterward there's profound shame, and moderate concern about the soldering iron that's still on..." - Alex [who then ran to go check on the iron]

"I'm Iodine Man! I'm disinfectastic!" - Alex

"If you use Tukey's HSD, it stays in your calculation forever!" - Alex, re: a stats comparison method that sounds like LSD

...and then we DID have a procedure called LSD! But this was way funnier at 6 in the morning.

Di: [Crystle and I] do *not* have millipedes in our ears!
Alex: You totally have millipedes in your fucking ears. Your other friends may be gullible but not me.

"In the world of ghetto, There Can Be Only One." - Alex

"You don't need drugs to appreciate the Chicken Room." - Kim

Di (rubbing Alex's head after being suggested that I study phrenology): Hm, your Satan bump is very large.
Alex: I hit it with a hammer every morning. I call it the Finger of Satan!

"Sunglasses: the perfect accessory for nighttime." - Alex

Alex (greeting Di as he came into the kitchen): Hello, you many-faced blood goddess.

"You're bending reality to your will again, aren't you? ...You and your matrix-like powers!" - Vogt, to Phife

Re: Alex wrapped a long thin piece of plastic wrap around his eyes.
Alex: It's hypermodern!
Kim: It's not hypermodern.
Alex: It's like Star Trek! I'm Geordi LaForge!
Kim: It's not like Star Trek, Geordi could see the full ultraviolet spectrum. Can you even see through that?
Alex: I can see shadows and light.

"*Now* is not the time for angst!! Just buy it!" - Alex, to Di, re: sunblock in Star

"My room is a nightmare, it is an abyss, it is Gabriel's horn trumpeting at the end of the world. It's a hungry god that demands sacrifice." - Alex, on the messiness of his room

"What's the opposite of moral fiber? Moral chewiness? Moral fatty acids? Moral simple sugars?" - Alex

Kim: "In the future, there will be many robots..."
Me: "Yes, in the future, there will be many robots, and they will be attacking our land and we'll have to fight -"
Kim: "And Alex will be their king!"

"Well, don't call my parents Satan and I won't punch you!" - Kim, to Alex

"Kim, you're about to enter an audiophonic nightmare." - Alex, re: Vogt, him and Di all putting on "Iron Man" very very loud

"Wouldn't it be fun to be chill?" - Kim

"I'll call you up from Pittsburg to tell you how I fucked your mom." -Alex
"I'll send you anthrax in the mail." - Di
"I don't read my mail."
"Even if it was from _me_?" *sad face*
"Well, yeah I would.. I'd be like, 'hey, coke!' *sniifff*"

Di: there is a lot of burning
cwalsh: and yet nothing got scorched, razed, or toasted. yet.
cwalsh: or IMMOLATED
Di: at least wrath was visited
Di: wrath gets so lonely sometimes...
cwalsh: well, maybe if it were a bit nicer

Alex (sitting over a dismantled fax machine): "In the beginning, there was nothing. (picks up large glass tube) Then there was Glass Rod. And from Glass Rod came (picks up smaller metal, rod) Aluminum Rod, and from Aluminum Rod came (picks up thinner rod) Steel Rod. And Aluminum and Steel Rods begat (picks up tiny rod) Gimpy Steel Rod. So disgusted was Steel Rod with Gimpy Steel Rod's gimpiness that Steel Rod donned armor (picks up a steel rod with rubber casing) and battled Gimpy Steel Rod to the death. (starts bending gimpy steel rod, has trouble) This... took awhile.... And... after awhile... (he gives up temporarily) Gimpy Steel Rod was shattered, and thus was the universe created."

...A minute later, after I was back in my room: "Ha! Gimpy Rod is shattered! And then there was light!"

On that note: Alex: "We should get a digital camera and make a website about little people in this universe, who are like screws and gears and stuff. 'And then Hercu-gear defeated the Cable Hydra'.."

Alex: When I'm in Pittsburgh and we're not dating, can I punch your dad?
Kim: No!
A: I'll be like 100 miles from Maryland. I'll drive down every weekend and punch your dad.
K: No!
A (as if this helps): Oh c'mon. I'll wear a ski mask!

Alex: "I *am* Jesus, after all. *Everything* I do is 'for heaven's sake'."

"A goth has got to mope! / All you need is love! / Or she'll end up having hope!" - Alex/Kim, a la Moulin Rouge, re: Di

"I don't think you, as the direct object of the verb, get to tell me whether or not to perform the aforementioned verb." - Alex, to Di

Kim, indignantly: Epidemiology isn't one of the 'life sciences.'
Vogt: Oh right, sorry, it's one of the 'death sciences.'

"The [Glass] Rod creeps me out at this point." - Kim

Alex (to Kim, comfortingly): I was fishing for a reason; I just decided to go for the most offensive one.

"The world is a very scary place, when people you think are your friends form up like *motherfricking Voltron*!" - Kim, re: Alex, Crystle and Di forming up to make a three-layered chomping monster thing

"I'm not a dumping ground for hope, goddamnit!" - Kim, to Di

Kim: Alex, what do you want from Sicilia's?
Alex: I want ambrosia, with a side of elven spirits, and I want it served on nubile young ladies.
Di: Wow Alex, you're so decadent. I'd think you'd have learned better by now after living in filth [Fifth East].

"Apparently we can't all mope at once." - Kim

Kim: It could be worse. You could grow a tail.
Di: That wouldn't be so bad; I *could* get a tan.

Cwalsh: I stole 22 Corvettes.
Alex: That's why we call him "Corvette Chris," right Chris?
Cwalsh: I thought I was Toomar, King of the Mollusks.
Alex: That is NOT your gang name.

Alex: Apparently, pretending to be a German baron by sticking things in my eye cheers me up!

Alex: I need to be annointed with scented oils.
Kim: I don't see any scented oils. I do see, however, maple syrup...

Chris: I wonder which I prefer, zeppelins or dirigibles. They should have a fight.

Kim (indignantly): You can't just bury people in the backyard! There are zoning regulations for that kind of thing!

Di: And then we can go on a murdering spree!
Alex (approvingly): That would be nice. (nods) A nice thing for you and Kim to do before she leaves.

Kim: I don't think you're going to get Crystle to let you kidnap her and take her back to Boston.
Alex: You'd be surprised what a couple of cheaply-hired Mexican thugs can do.