Rudy: It turns out they don't have sex at CalTech.

Leah: I'm gonna just leave the posts and make a princess bed. I am Princess Protein.

Adin: If I woke up and my dick was chopped off, that would be disgruntled Adin.

Chris: I always feel uncomfortable marking the extreme position on surveys, well, most of the time.

Q: Rudy, your face has very high entropy.

Henry: Lauren, are you taking ethics? Because I'm taking meta-ethics.

Patrick: That Hertz to think about.

Senator Lindsey Graham: That's the first thing we're going to do when I get in there; we're going to drink more.

Adin: I took off my Impaled Nazarene shirt and replaced it with my Rotting Christ shirt because I wanted to be less offensive.

Rudy: I used to eat things out of his chest. It was a very close relationship.

Justin: No, she's just going to whip me.

Adrian S.: Fuck everything. It's a song on my new album "Fuck You." It's on sale for $59.99 because you have to have that much self hatred to buy an album for 60 dollars. Fuck you.

AJ: I love you to the point where I don't want you to know who Justin is.

Course 8 ensemble: The dankyon, the fundamental particle of the SU(420) group.

Adrian S.: Enters the room. Do you know how to do the massive rope problem? I want to say that there's a mass looping around but then you'd have to integrate... fuck I *do* have to integrate, fuck this shit. Leaves the room.

Adin: I would watch hedgehog porn.

Justin: It's not child porn if it's cartoons.

Leah: Do you ever find yourself watching videos of drug cartels executing people and just think "how did I get here"?

Justin: Do you know if any of these are leftovers? No response. Can I just have a spoonful of sour cream? No response. Can I just take the rice that fell on the table? No response. I'm taking the rice that fell on the table

Q: I am Matlab

Danny: You could even fuck your cousin, he's not even your first cousin!

Adrian S.: If you see me trying to drink more caffeine, slap me in the face, pull my pants down a little, and gently whisper in my ear "no."

Larn: We're all varying degrees of trash.
Adin: I hope I get my degree.

Justin: I would let Peter Dourmashkin be my big daddy.

Henry: Meta-ethics is basically like Wolfenstein - Hitler is always the final boss.

Gil: I will actually slit your throat.

Rudy: When in doubt just nuke it from orbt.

Luna: Who would I not want to have a relationship with on hall? Oh man, there are so many.

Spocky: Wow, my life is going to be mediocre and that's okay.

Adin: What do you even become after Catholic college? Bigoted?

Adin: See, my problem is that when I'm offensive and no one gets it, I'm just an asshole.

Leah: Danny, the chip on your shoulder is bigger than you are and that's why you're going to die.

Andre: I don't understand why you would want to cum in your pants
Justin: No clean up, it adds texture...

Patrick: I got so many free pencils in high school from making puns and having people throw them at me.

Adin: Yeah, but child porn just happens naturally.

Justin: I could beat Osama bin Laden in a one-on-one.

Patrick: You see, the difference is I don't have standards, but you pretend that you still do.
Danny: ...

Dan: It's kind of like Don't Ask, Don't Tell but for memes.

Justin: I bought this because I'm trying to be heart-healthy...oh wait, my hands are shaking.

Danny: It would be funny if someone on hall got murdered.

Leah: I am actually going to judo-throw him into the sun.

Adin: I would go to a skinhead meeting for free Chipotle.

Chris: Crystal cuts up her enemies and puts them on her face.

Rudy: Jlab was p chill.

Kyle: The water cup is a social construct.

Rudy: I'm gonna get so trashed that I'll have a British accent and Paul will have an American accent.

Spocky: I have enough self respect to not fuck an alum.

Edwin: Patrick, you're a trashier version of Kesha.

Leah: Grant is like if you crossed Shaggy with the abstract concept of a basset hound.

Henry: I feel like if you put a cat in a microwave, you're past the point of caring about cleaning up cat guts.

Adin: I would push an old man down the stairs for an A.

Rudy: I'm definitely going to make the Fifth East social happen this year!

Rudy: Holy Shit, it's a monkey fucking a duck!

Rudy: Have you guys ever seen animal porn?

Colin: Did you know this book comes in movie form?

Chris: You see, I'm Fearless, but also lazy.

What if your roommate was James? Luna: We'd have a few problems.

Adrian S.: (During Interviews) He seems as unconfident as I am, and that's not good.

Luna: Why is Rudy always the one that knows exactly what all the pornos are?

Henry: You can't be a rebound if they're still dribbling.

Patrick: Have a good threesome, daddy.

j-neezy: I just wanted to bukakke you in a reasonable fashion.

Rudy: Woah there, I'm a pretty chill guy, but I'm going to throw you off a roof.

Leah: Is first east just, like, knock-off tetazoo?

Henry: I'm a 10 if you count Fiesta licking my dick as beastiality.

Spocky: I'm not responsible for the rest of my class being a bunch of lazy assholes.

Patrick: Show me one of those orange cylinder memes again.

Chris: Shellfish aren't real fish, they're just cowards.

Rudy: Ruined orgasms and getting rick-rolled both have the same basic concept.

Grant: Aggresive penises are scary.
Leah: All penises are scary.

Cami: Are you talking to the two rack, Kyle?
Kyle: It's my best friend.

Patrick: I don't care about sex, I just want the memes.

Adin: My intention was not to jack off to physics, but that's what the world wanted.

Kyle: Are you the cactus?
Deanna: Yes.
Kyle: I don't get it.
Leah: Maybe you're not supposed to get it. Maybe it's post-modern.

Meg: I went to go buy vegetables so I wouldn't get SCURVY!
Adrian S.: I don't eat vegetables, so I'm probably already scurvied
Sciric: Scurvy me up, cap'n!

Justin: Dude, I think I would have a heart attack before I felt the runner's high.

Spocky: I like to believe Danny will die as "florida man."

eurahko: I'm never going back to florey ever again.