Crystal: Accept your new god: two-headed dick.
Danny: No.

Henry: *bursts into the room in his underwear* ALL THE REDS ARE PRIME!!!

Danny: Did you have reason to belive you were hallucinating?
Ben: No more so than usual.

Adin: Hold on, I may be drunk, but I am not ready to sit down and get peed on.

Tesla: I'm really excited for there not to be an afterlife.

Amman: I feel like I unlocked a cheat code by working on a Friday.

Jad: Double Z, double cool

J: I've thought long and hard about it, and I'd resubscribe ec-discuss to Oh My Veggies.

*fire alarm sounds*
Tesla: Dan, are you going to evacuate?
Dan: Nah, I'm going to finish this shower. Showers are wet, fire can't get me in here.

Linda: ec-discuss is the void that shouts back.

Adin: I like working out because I feel high afterward.
Sahara: That's why people run, you know? The runner's high.
Adin: Or maybe it's all the coffee and aderall

Tesla: The discussion was ended by my boobs being posted to ec-discuss. Which is cool, not like I'm running for anything respectable or important tonight. [Ed: They were running for president...]

Spocky: Just chop Aditiya's arm off and replace your arm with HIS arm

Adrian: They don't make planes like that anymore.
Dan: Yeah they do. Stop biplane erasure.

Kaarel: That's it, you're going to the gulag.

Federico: I haven't even gotten onto the quotes page yet, I'm so upset.

Adrian: Do you have time to learn about our lord and savior, Wolfram Alpha?

Adrian: No, I need to go learn all the field theories.

Hector: If, and when, I wake up, remind me to ask Amy to introduce me to her lady friend.

Federico: He's just a good guy [Ed: talking about Hector]
Hector: I don't like that

Spocky: I was doing so good, and then I just started dying again.

Hector: Classic pizza-penis.

Spocky: Brunch is a state of mind.

Patrick: Judy is a pretty hateable name. It's just so white, soccor-mom-ish.

J: If you put Lizards on a tread mill they will start running on two legs
Kat: Wait, which two?

Ender: I am too nihilistic to jerk off

Tesla: I don't even know what she looks like. I mean, if someone walked in with big tits I'd probably be like 'is this molly?' but thats about all I know.

Hector: (to Amman) it's good that you have a contingency plan for the kites.

Justin: In prison I'll get regular meals.

Tesla: I use my right hand if I'm giving a handjob, but I strictly only fuck women with my left hand.

Henry: i just gotta tell him that all the drugs do dorms. wait....

Tesla: Cats are not a psychoactive drug.

Hector: I mean 'we' as in singular 'you.'

Fernando: You can go to Africa, where they hate the gays almost as much as you do!

Tesla (EC pres): Putz and 4e are competing to be my least favorite child.