"Wow, I want to sell that on the internet." - C. walsh, in response to a dream Diandra told him about

Alex: Anyways, so, as Kim summarized it, "So what you're saying is, you're growing hallucinogens" "no, herbs. well, yes."

MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 03:04 (Why are you here?)
In the meantime, goblins stole all my serotonin and sold it
on EBay.

MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 03:07 (Why are you here?)
ass gremlins?
Zephyr sent to akhripin 03:07 (Zsig: Diandra M Lucia)
it's a figure of speech :P
MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 03:07 (Why are you here?)
I wonder if the med center can treat those?
-> MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 03:07 (Why are you here?)
It sounds like something the med center would give you
inadvertently.
MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 03:08 (Why are you here?)
"I went for a flu shot, and now I can't sit"

Alex: You're the most adorable goth I know, besides Kim. Though she's not very goth these days.
Di: adorable? pah. i was just drawing snarling toothy creatures and writing DEATH in huge huge letters on the wall like 30 minutes ago
Alex: ooo, how cute *squeeze cheeks*
Di: fuck you

Alex, to Di: You're a good person, like a goth Jesus with breasts.

"Sadness FM: the radio station that hurts you!" - Alex

"It's that pesky happiness, getting in the way." - Phife

"I've already got dibs on killing everyone..." - alex, to phife

"Your mom is special. And I don't mean 'short bus' special, I mean 'kicked off the short bus for biting the other kids' special." - Vogt

on Un-goth day...
Di: [to annoying friendly thing on web.mit.edu] DIE! I mean, uh, yay!
Kim: Wow. ...*Wow,* Di.

"It always comes back to cannibalism with him, though." - Kim

"My parents are *not* like rabid mice! ...Besides, mice almost never have rabies." - K

"I'm a torture implement!" - cwalsh

"In Soviet Russia, *blood* drinks *you!*" - Yelena

"Forgive them, soulful Father. For they know not that they lack the funk." - Phife, re: Shaft!Jesus

"What, precisely, the fuck?" - Phife

Alex: You should also burn through the world like a wildfire. That's important to happiness. Try making it a UROP.

"Don, I *will* breathe on you!" - Typhoid Diandra

"So on average, I'm miffed. X-bar equals miffed." - Don

(passing each other in the hallway)
Kim: Miao!
Di: Miow.
Mitsi (cat): Meow!

Di: But I'll fall asleep!
Kim: Not if we poke you with sticks.

"That's *my* problem. You?... You've got your own." - Di

"Because if the universe weren't adversarial, cherubs [with ambrosia] would be here by now!" - Alex

Don: That's dorktastic!
Kim: I'm not dorktastic!
Don: Yes you are, but that's okay because it's a -tastic.

"But ----- is a really good person, and I say that as a very poor judge of character!" - Kim

"I'm declaring you my patron saint of caffeine." - Alice (azelman), to Di

"The only thing I have to worry about with Alex is that he might get detained at the airport and put on the No-Fly list." - Kim

"I will unleash a terrible evil upon these infidels!! ...It's possible I shouldn't say that in an airport." - Alex, on the phone

"On the other hand, I don't think anyone will care if I unleash a terrible evil upon the long-term parking lot."

"Alright, I won't commit seppuku in the long-term parking lot. I'm sure committing seppuku involves composing a lot of mediocre haikus first anyway." - Alex

"Hit me in the face, not the beer!" - Don

"If I were gay, I'd have a million of Phife's man babies." - Alex

"'Pipe Dreams in E Minor'." - Kim
"Sounds like a great name for a Fifth East Symphony." - Di

"Someday I'm going to wear a labcoat and black gloves and goggles and people will call me Herr Doktor." - Alex

Di: how did you get five eyes?
Alex: Meditative mitosis. #3 and #4 are busy leching around town.

-> MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 18:21 (Love will heal the world. Too bad it's dead.)
You seem to have gotten a nice batch [of dreams] last night.
MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 18:21 (Love will heal the world. Too bad it's dead.)
Just like your mom... last night... nevermind, I don't know
how to make that work.

dmariel / personal / dmariel 22:36 (Diandra M Lucia)
wow, my heart is filled with amazing amounts of love now.
-> dmariel / personal / dmariel 22:37 (Diandra M Lucia)
except it's not real love, it's just an empty good will that will fade
soon enough.
dmariel / personal / natan 22:37 (a different axis of purple)
Go Dee! Make those good feelings back into angst, like they should
be.

dmariel / personal / vogt 22:38 ("If he [a monk] thought about ICs he would be a chip-monk" -dad)
hehe Dee, our goth cheerleader
vogt / elsewhere / vogt 22:39 ("I'm goinna kick your ass and take your man!" --Malima)
that's going to get me shot

"Whoever said 'hope floats' didn't stick around long enough to see it get shot down." - Di

Alex: I wonder what the space baby would think of that?
Di: The space baby might be mildly confused if it happened. But until then, i'm sure he's using his cosmic thinking powers to determine which is better: whipped cream or marshmallows.
Alex: So how big is the Space Baby? If it's huge, then its infantile brain will have amazing powers of learning.
...Alex: Wait - I've got it. The space baby is a baby, therefore it needs nourishment. The only matter in space is sparse hydrogen and dust. Thus, the space baby must collect this matter somehow. This can bedone in two ways - with gravity and with the Force of its Mind. If it's with gravity, the baby is huge, and therefore, superintelligent. If it's with the Force of its Mind, then it is obviously also superintelligent. Therefore, Space Baby is our new God. QED. Take that Aquinas.

Veggie Tales:
Kim: "...with Nebuchadnezzer as an asparagus."
Tilly: "Nebuchadnezzer as an *asparagus*? I just can't picture an asparagus with one of those square beards..."
Kim: "Oh but it did have one. And now that you've pictured it, you can't stop picturing it!"

"And when you get down to it, what's so wrong with sucking cock?" - Vogt

"We are NOT throwing anyone out the window, dead or alive!" - Kim
"Go to your room, Kim!" - Don/Vogt

"I'm glad to hear you being so assertive about what and who you want to do." - Alex

"You know, the only thing that prevents me from feeling like Death Warmed Over is that I'm cold." - Kim

"Mother Nature doesn't care if you're miserable, only that you survive." - Professor Carson in Abnormal Psychology at Harvard

MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 15:35 (Love will heal the world. Too bad it's dead.)
It was wronger than Jesus eating Buddha.
-> MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 15:35 (Love will heal the world. Too bad it's dead.)
Or the other way around. Maybe that's how he got chubby.

"Surround-sound Ewok murdering!" - ctsims (Clayton)

"I have a paper due at midnight tonight, so if you need your hair cut or colored too, line on up!" - Kim

"You wouldn't be 'giving in', you'd be 'walking to the brink,' you'd be experiencing the feeling, you'd be living within the reality of the being of now." - Kim, in the style of her yoga teacher

Brian, re: the sheryl crow coming out of my room: "What happened to the brooding vampire we all know?"

dmariel / PERSONAL / akhripin 07:25 (Love will heal the world. Too bad it's dead.)
/My/ brain was lovingly handcrafted.
dmariel / PERSONAL / akhripin 07:39 (Love will heal the world. Too bad it's dead.)
BY THE DEVIL

On a big cardboard box that had another cardboard box with Mitsi (cat) inside:
"To Hell and Only Hell" (on the side)
"Dear Satan, I found your cat. I expect supernormal powers as my reward. - Don" (on the top)

"Well as you know, I am a pioneer in Shut the Fuck Up technology. i have several patents pending." - Phife

Alison, taking a survey: "And you're both white..."
Di: "No, I'm black!"
cwalsh: "That's your heart, dear."

"What should I do now? I'll go kill people..." - Vlad (playing GTA)

"I'm on the record as a 'crap-hater'." - Kim

"My decisions will be based on what rhymes." - Crystle

Di: "What's up, Matt?"
"I'm standing in the hallway, holding a ruler, whapping myself in the genitals with it." - Mtraum

Cwalsh, to some random people in a restaurant who had asked him his thoughts on Cheney: "I presume he'll become more and more cyborg-like and will become more evil and murderous, as AIs tend to do."

"I'm pretty blatant about the fact that I'm groping you, actually." - Clayton to Sarah

"And kidney beans are great because they look like tiny kidneys, harvested from many leprechauns." - Di

"I'm on the record as a Muppet-hater." - Kim

Kim: "In the new world order, Kermit the Frog will be allowed. And maybe Miss Piggy, sometimes."
Di: "What about the Swedish chef?"
Kim: "NO! All he ever says is 'bork,' so you don't know what he's thinking! And he has a *cleaver*!"

Alex: If I ever kill, I'll blame specific people. And original ones, not my parents. And not that chick that the guy who killed John Lennon wanted to sleep with either. Or maybe I'll just stand up in front of the court, and give a big shout-out to Yog Sothoth, Black Goat of a Thousand Young.

Alex: The voices in my head tell me to kill. If yours complain about temperature, Liz, you're lucky.

Di (reading from www.earthuman.org.): "Let us understand peace as a natural, living process of the brain. Let us find peace by discovering how to train the human brain for peace." *shudder*
Cwalsh: Now let's all get out our 'peace chloroform' and inhale deeply so that Yogi Neurosurgeon can cut out our hate with his 'love scalpel'.

Phife: KEEP ON SOLDERING IN THE FREE WORLD!

"What?? I'm shining like a sunbeam!!" - Kim (explaining why she was splaying her hands around her face)

"Jesus doesn't know magic! He just knows forgiveness." - Don

Kim: Couldn't we just drug his drink, tie him up with duct tape, and put him in the trunk of the car?
Di: Sure, that sounds like a reasonable plan.
Kim: Oh good! I was worried it would sound like a felony kidnapping.

Randomly:
MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 22:27 (Love will heal the world. Too bad it's dead.)
SAD CLOWNS EAT YOUR CHILDREN
-> MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 22:27 (Love will heal the world. Too bad it's dead.)
but it does not sate their hunger.

Kim: "I'm kind of uncomfortable with the idea of [Di's] soul eating people."
Steve Kelch: "Don't think of it as 'eating,' think of it as 'keeping them warm.'"

"That would be a great world, where by 'great' i mean really fucking weird." - Natan

"Aaahh! I'm bleeding slowly from small places!" - Don

"I just had to berate it before it went down the drain." - Di

Re: Dwarves representing the Jews in Tolkien:
"I think Hobbits are an example of crossbreeding between Men and dwarves." - Kim
"I thought the Jews were against interracial/interfaith marriage." - Clayton
"They were Reform dwarves." - Brian

"No one's writing *anything* on the sacred parchment!" - Kim re: Cwalsh wearing the "sacred parchment" (piece of napkin with strip dreidl rules) as a loin cloth, and nothing else

Di: Drive safe.
Alex: Nothing is safer than 81 miles an hour. It's a fourth power, and that is a square, and squares are conservative non-risktakers.

Di: "Is my mom not enough for you?"
Alex: "I'm not a one-mom kinda man."

Matt F: "Anyone have a cork?"
Foley: "What do you need a cork for?"
Matt: "Oh, just turning my knowledge to evil."

"Kittens in the Abyss... that'd be a good name for a metal band." - Kim

Vogt: "You'd think I would have learned this by now, having argued with Kim so much, but I haven't. She has this immense well of knowledge she uses to kick your ass."

Alex: Man, back in the day... The faucets ran vodka and LSD. I guess the cold tap would be the vodka. And the garbage disposal played industrial trashcore.

Sarah: "CLAAAAAAYTONNNN!"
Brian: "She casted a Clayton-summoning spell!"

One cat: Normal.
Two cats: Better.
Three cats: Aw, you're an animal lover!
Four cats: Wow, you sure like cats.
Five cats: Did your cat have kittens or something?
Six cats: So how many cats do you have, again?
Seven cats: Backing.. away.. slowly.
- Kim
And these rules apply to one person as well as two people. Once you have three people, the cat terror threshold becomes higher. "Terror Alert: Orange Tabby."

"This is what it sounds like when severed limbs cry." - Kim

"We gave it our sins with a fizzle and fozzle, and sent the goat off to the demon Azazel!" - cwalsh

Don: "I'm just thinking..."
Di: "You should stop that."

Kim: "I am not a rabid rabbit!"

"Shit, this floor is disgusting; my jeans are Fly." - Phife, upon slipping to the floor drunkenly at Dangerhouse

"Now Vogt... What have we learned about talking?" - Clayton

"We're going to go be replete with sovereign mastery.." - Cwalsh
"After we do the dishes." - baniszew (Beth)

"Once you start stockpiling drugs and weapons, it becomes a compound, not a commune." - Kim

"You should make a Rush poster with a picture of Krotus and: Fifth East: seven cats away from suicide." - Alex

Clayton, re: Don: "Vogt, regulate him!"

Di: "And I just want to be here, in my own little non-touchy world."

"Apples wasn't a death turtle. *I* am the Invincible Death Turtle." - Phife

"We're entering That's Not What Fucking Happened Town, population: this movie." - Phife, re: Troy

Vlad: Clayton, why are you not drinking beer?
Clayton: Because Vanilla Coke tastes better.
Vlad: Not emotionally, it doesn't.

Clayton: "It's like having Jesus in your car, shooting lasers."

Brian (bpepper): "Finish your Mana or I'll send you to bed without any Zelda!"

Traum: "Well of course Jesus wouldn't worry about being a GRT. He could turn wine into water if the CPs showed up!"

Clayton: "Easy-Mac is like Jesus in a box."

Sarah, re: Di's Valentine's Day soundtrack: "That's a lotta bass... but is it enough to neutralize all that acidity?"

Kim, re: the accidental skull pattern on the V-day cookies: "It's a Krotus Valentine's Day miracle!"

Clayton: "I was ready to suck [Chris White]'s dick. ..... Seriously though, after that, *someone's* dick needed to get sucked."

Kim, to Di: I think you've achieved Threat Level: Calico.

"Ashes to ashes, cruft to cruft." - Alex

"I feel like a cat that's been clawing the furniture!" - Sarah, re: getting droplets of water flicked at her by Clayton for breaking the Disciplinator

"Those four on the couch are forming Lesbian Voltron..."

"Aww, you made her emo!" - Brian to Clayton, re: Sarah curled up on the floor

Don (randomly appearing in Di's doorway): Am I a bad person? Di: What did you do now?

"You can be evil and still be good." - Don and/or Clayton

-> akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin@ANDREW.CMU.EDU 02:40 (Alex Khripin)
grapes, bitches
akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin@ANDREW.CMU.EDU 02:40 (Alex Khripin)
I bet you don't have any
akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin@ANDREW.CMU.EDU 02:41 (Alex Khripin)
They're sweet and delicious - they could be fermented into Chateau Fuckyeaux

Phife, re: Kim's zephyrs: Wow, that transcended lack-of-context and entered a whole new plane of not-communication formerly unseen by earthborn packets

Kim: someday I will sleep and the voices in my head will be sorry

"With Alex, I'm in constant fear of either his safety, or the long arm of the law." - Kim

"You know, for instructions that say "fearless" so often, there sure is a lot of fear inherent in all these warnings." - Kim, re: instructions for a hair dye in which every component was called "Fearless ---"

"Wow, that place is more complicated than a Russian novel." - an outsider re: Fifth East

Re: Alia staring at the fridge all the time
Clayton, to Di: "Your cat has psychosis."
Sarah: "I'm guessing something lives back there."
Clayton: "Yeah, its name is Bobo the clown. He's her imaginary friend, and tells her to eat people."

"He was walking in New York and slipped on the ice and flipped *all the way around* and kept walking. People thought he was from Venus, he was so cool." - Cwalsh, re: nikolai tesla

"First we had hallcest, and cats, and inherited hallcest and cats, and now our cats have hallcest. It's fucking ridiculous." - Mtraum

Clayton, to Allison: "Well that's what you get for voting for Warry McWarmonger!" re: Bush

"Nobody's going to die or get serial-killed. Because you can only die once!" - Kim

Sarah: For $600, it's a pretty decent laptop.
Matt F: For $600, I'd kill a man with a better laptop and give it to you.

------------------
From: Sarah
Sent: Monday, February 28, 2005 10:38 PM
To: ec-discuss@mit.edu
Subject: missing item


Sorry about the spam, but I seem to have misplaced my giant black iron
dildo. It weighs about 100 kg, is about 2.5 feet long, and has a girth
of about about 6*pi inches. It was last seen on Fifth East. I need it
back; I'm so horny I can't sleep without its cold rhythmic pounding.

Please return ASAP to wa504.

Sarah -----
-------------------

Clayton: Back in the day, before mitochondria joined cells, things were so much better.
Sarah: Yeah, cells were so much more hardcore.
Vlad: And hadn't lost the Ultrabuster!

Clayton: How does it feel to be The Man, Alex?
Alex: Well, I get to hold your mom down.

Brian: We are all just IHOP breakfast crepes, vibrating in our own broth.

Brian, holding Jimbo's Supertool 2000: Wow, I feel like I've got my hand down my pants.

akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin@ANDREW.CMU.EDU 17:52 (Alex Khripin)
Haha, "In Soviet Russia, The Adventure Chooses You!"
akhripin / PERSONAL / akhripin@ANDREW.CMU.EDU 17:53 (Alex Khripin)
Also, "Choose your own adventure: You're Going to Die -
Choose From 1 Exciting Endings"

Milo, angrily: "You're increasing the enthalpy of the inside of the fridge!!"

Clayton: That's not "community," that's *assault*.

Kim: You could be their Yoda! Well, maybe not Yoda... maybe more like the Devil.

Di, reassuringly: You're not a slut; you're a tease.

Cwalsh, opening a box of pizza: "*This* ring sees *you* before it dies.."

dmariel / florey / akhripin@ANDREW.CMU.EDU 00:17 (Alex Khripin)
Jesus-Alex has stepped behind the scenes for a while.
dmariel / florey / akhripin@ANDREW.CMU.EDU 00:17 (Alex Khripin)
When he comes back, he'll have circular sawblades for
hands. Carpenter indeed!

Zephyr sent to akhripin 22:53 (Zsig: another casualty of applied metaphysics)
they've both received their orders from Hell's High Command to bring more
Satan into your life.
MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 22:56 (Alex Khripin)
I have plenty of satan
Zephyr sent to akhripin 22:57 (Zsig: another casualty of applied metaphysics)
i'd say we should balance out your satan levels by adding more jesus into
your diet but i honestly don't like the sound of that.

MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 23:02 (Alex Khripin)
I wonder how long consecration lasts?
Zephyr sent to akhripin 23:01 (Zsig: another casualty of applied metaphysics)
i'm pretty sure it's permanent
Zephyr sent to akhripin 23:01 (Zsig: another casualty of applied metaphysics)
"better eat this communion, honey, its Jesusness is about to expire"
MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 23:03 (Alex Khripin)
Jesusness is a great adjective.
MESSAGE / PERSONAL / akhripin 23:04 (Alex Khripin)
Jesusosity? Jesusicity?

L: Brian, what do you get if you get a Ph.D in WACKING OFF?
Brian: "Doctor?"
Luke: Well technically it'd be a doctor in philosophy...

Kim: "So is that good or is it just a new topology of pain?"

Cwalsh: And symbiotic things are cool. Like lichen. It may be part fungus, but it photosynthesizes,
so it's like reformed fungus, and that I support.

Di: I'm glad my mom just thinks it's cute rather than sending me to a shrink for it.