Jordan: I'm going to ask him if he likes Lady Gaga :D ...And also if he thinks present methods of computing limit us in our ways of thinking... Also what does he think of shorts??? D:

Jeremy: you know what's round? Waffles. You know what else is round? Provolone.
Karen: ...were you high?
Jeremy: no, I was just in Wisconsin.

Donald: I respect women, just not hoes.

Kim: It's true that prepositional phrases can add all kinds of meaning to a sentence.
Molly: In bed.

Someone: I'm over 21!
Someone else: I'm over 21!
Trevor: I have a beard!

Kim: wait... this guy is... part robot?
Tiffany: no, he's part *evil* robot.
Molly: because Japan.

Fuzzy: I value honesty over... several other things.

Tiffany (to Fuzzy): It's not my fault your dick makes no sense. It's full of phallusies!

Meg: sex is not the answer!
Syler: sex is the question. the answer is yes.

Girl Sam: not touching your nose is consent.

Fuzzy: I would totally eat lox off a girl's tits.

Fuzzy: .006 finals are like russian roulette - it's totally random whether you'll figure out the stupid trick they want you to use
Gabe: and by problem six you just get shot in the face

John: Once a kid tried to threaten me with a two inch pocket knife that was still closed. That was my favorite day of high school. And now it's my favorite pocket knife.

Kim: I've always identified with the koala bear
Gabe: Because you're kind of dumb and eat poisonous things?
Kim: No!
Ducky: Because you lay eggs?
Kim: KOALAS DON'T EVEN LAY EGGS!
Fuzzy: A koala lays approximately as many eggs as you do

Ducky: it wasn't cannibalism - I was playing a wood elf
Sari: that sounds pretty gay
Ducky: sometimes I like to feel pretty

Kim: I have black and silver pom poms now. i feel 200% more goth and 400% more peppy
Karen: I feel 100% more judging you

Karen: Fuck you, I'm made of rainbows

Donald: self-cleaning freshmen are nice
Mike: self-cleaning seniors would be nice too

Trevor: Man me and Dan were just fucking each other ... [long pause] .. up! we were fucking each other up.

Ducky, Fuzzy and Curly: In fact, all your hot tub time machine tour guides tonight are named Ben!

Karen: The zombie apocalypse is serious business, Kim. It's LIFE and DEATH.
Donald: Well no, it's life and undeath.

Fred: Kate, you know that they made the Jews register themselves before they started rounding them up and euthanizing them.
Ducky: It's ok. We're not making the cats register themselves. We're doing it for them.

Kim: Donald, your party email was amazing, you should have been a writing major...or one of those serial killers who sends long manifestos to the New York Times.
Donald: I could just send the manifestos and not kill people. The police will never catch me!

Jordan: DONALD! DONALD! I AM SO EXCITED! DO YOU FEEL THIS HAPPY WHEN YOU FINISH A SOFTWARE PROJECT?!
Donald: No. Jordan. I have never felt that excited. Not at the most intense instant of orgasm, during the best sex I have ever had, did I feel as happy as you are every. fucking. day.