"Gravity isn't proportional to mass, it's proportional to amount of alcohol consumed."

"I will go down on someone when she's all bloody down there, but I will not smell that milk!"

"The thing about virgins is, when they snap, it's epic"

"When I was little no one wanted to be Scary Spice because they didn't want to be black, but I volunteered so that makes me not racist."

"I just had a threesome and I had to tell someone!"

"Don't thank me, I'm not a present."

lounge:"<redacted>, how many pensises have you had personal experience with?" redacted:"You have no idea"

"I worry because I love. I love because I want to avoid lawsuits for the hall."

"I reject your baked goods *and* your friendship!"

"His pa is weak. He is thusfar without honor."

"Chia pet o' resentment!"

"I hate bridges; they catch fire so easily."

"A little suffering goes a long way."

"Why are you guys running away? You were laughing two seconds ago.. before I started humping my virtual Spock."

"Does anything else rhyme with hope, other than mope?"
"Grope?"

"I'm undergoing Lamarckian evolution. I'm growing an organ specifically to process angst."

"Did I tell you that I've declared myself a drug weasel?"
"Haha! No."
"I decided that mule sounds too subservient. Weasels are all about themselves, yo."
"I see."
"Plus, that means I can have a drug burrow and eat eggs while birds aren't looking."

"I'm naked and I need duct tape, fast."

Person 1: Don't drink that koolaid. Do not drink it even if it busts through your wall.
Person 2: If it busts through my wall, I'm totally drinking it.

"It's unsettling to hug you while you're growling."

"I don't deal well with being single either, but at least I don't hang out with a bad crowd because of it. Unless my plants count as a bad crowd... which they might."

Fine, we'll put a wig on him and he can be Pedantic.

And then [ ] tried to keep me from being evil, but that's like trying to keep a plant from bending towards the sun.

I,I "What's the Greek goddess of social warfare?"

"Circle of hate."
"Indeed. we've gone beyond the tetrahedron of judgment."

"There's a class of people who think all's fair in love and war."
"We call half of these people war criminals."

"Clone Wars II: The Continued Adventures of the Angst Brigade in the Land of Schadenfreude"

I don't like risk, and I don't like change, and I hate going on Adventures!