Gayani T - 09:55pm Oct 25, 2000 (#1 of 6)
Hello, I guess i'll start this one up :) I noticed that equal numbers of French and American students replied that they would either ignore the neighbor, or say hi and smile. However, many French students said that they would do so because the neighbor might not have seen them. Hence, although the reactions tend to be the same, the reasoning behind the reactions seems to be different. I'm not quite sure why this is-- perhaps French students are more naive, or American students are less forgiving...? I'm not sure at all. Anyone care to give it a try?
Just smile right back... it is not that hard!!!
This is a question for any of the INT students. My family lived in England (in suburban London) for 3 years while I was growing up, and one thing I noticed was that we never met our neighbors in three years. They weren't rude or anything, it was just that everybody basically just ignored everyone else.
So is France more like England (at least the London area) where you are not expected to meet your neighbors, or more like here in the US, where in the suburbs you are friendly with your neighbors, if not friends. I didn't really get a sense one way or the other from reading the responses to the questions.
Patricia, what you say, "Just smile right back... it is not that hard!!!", represents exactly what you'd usually expect from an American to do. They smile back, they nod. In two words, they don't give a damn about you, but at least they are kind. Right, right. Now you'll say "But we make friends with our neighbors". That is correct. Americans make friends with their neighbors so they can make them feel good about themselves. They follow quite directly their society's expectations. So, the Americans like to think of themselves as being friendly and good-hearted. You know, the merrymaker type. From that it simply follows that one should be friends with their neighbors. At least it should look like that to the rest of the people.
I believe, though, that this is the very reason why the US is still what it is now. Namely, because when somebody bumps in you, they would say "sorry" even if they don't really mean it and there is no harm done to neither party. This type of thinking helps preserve the American way of living. The reasoning goes something like "Nobody cares about what you think, just do whatever the society expects you to do and stay within the esablished limits and we're all going to be alright".
... and, yes, I know that many people would strongly disagree with me and hate me for this comment :-)
I guess I'm one of the people who kind of disagrees with you, Georgi.... It's true that sometimes, our relationships are very superficial. But by smiling at your neighbor, that doesn't mean that you're best friends with him. Sometimes, when I'm having a rough day, a smile helps tons. It could be from someone I'd never met before, but it helps for a second. But I guess I sort of agree with the fake friendliness bit-- perhaps we are hypocritical in public. However, what would being grouchy or not smiling (or whatever else) accomplish? I'm not sure that would be any better.
I don't agree with a few of you that say that people are friendly with their neighbors here. In my area, hardly anyone knows each other. Also, I think Georgi's comment is correct; that is why there are phrases like "what's up" and "how are you" which people just don't even reply to anymore as questions because they are so overused. It now became just a way of saying "hi."